May God have pity on me,

I who dearly love the Lord,

May God have pity on me,

I who surely fear the sword,

May God have pity on me,

I who hate the broken word

May God have pity on me,

I who sin the most of all

May… Read full post »

I exhumed you today,

Held your tiny cold blue body

against my heart

feeling the life seep out of me

in drops of blood upon the floor.

You lived only in me

For me, though, you were real

A mother's love for you

and none other's.

I'll see you soon … Read full post »

Author's note: This was written three months after I had given birth to my second child, a son born dead from preeclampsia and placental abruption. I had been 35 weeks pregnant. 

June 6, 2000

I had a very important dream two nights ago. I will transcribe it here, and… Read full post »

got deleted earlier, but worth reposting.

Emotional Pain: 

Sit with it, feel it, observe it. Is it heavy in your chest? Does

it make a muscle tighten in the back of your neck? Sit with it,

now think: It is a gift, a gift. Yeah, it doesn't feel as… Read full post »

I sing to you a song of emerald green,
An Island home revered by people scattered.
Whose lives through tyranny were shattered,
But taller spirits earth has never seen.

Ireland, where civilization grew,
Where ancient Druid walked and left his mark
On stones and fields and stamped in artist's hearts,
Where Pa… Read full post »

I promised to write this, and, in the interest of discipline, I'll keep my word.

 Three months before my arrest, I had had a relapse of my alcoholism.  I drank myself to sleep in  my own apartment, passed out. But before I passed out, I did some drunk-texting to my ex-husband,… Read full post »

I went shooting just before I was arrested last year. I went shooting at a gun range, the arrest had nothing to do with it, other than the fact that I shouldn't have been able to lease time at a range given that there was a warrant out… Read full post »

So, I just got a phone call from my friend Squak, who is recently installed in a halfway house here in Delray Beach, in the hopes of a better life.  He calls and says, 

"Hey!  Michelle!  What are you doing?"  

 I said, "I'm waiting for Ed. He's going to come… Read full post »

Accursed muse, my psyche you control.

I think I've banished you, and become free -

While I'm not looking, you sneak up on me

To once again be Lord over my soul.

Possession is entrapment, ever cold.

For under such an overlord I see

No way to be the person… Read full post »

My heart is like a sponge that's filled with tears.
It was hard, frozen for a solid year.
Comes the thaw, and then I saw
Torrential storms draining from my fears....
Let it flow, let it all come out in this fashion:
With every teardrop, sorrow, pain and passion,
My heart wide open, water flowing fast,
Clean… Read full post »

I see you with a pill in hand,
a needle in the other.
Sweet syringe of sweet relief,
a demon and a lover.
 
I see you in an ashen sleep
A simulacrum of peace found,
These shadows of an early death,
Like Ophelia as she drowned.
 
I see your desperate search for more,
The poppy's nectar ever sought,
Addi… Read full post »

I see you with a pill in hand,
a needle in the other.
Sweet syringe of sweet relief,
a demon and a lover.
 
I see you in an ashen sleep
A simulacrum of peace found,
These shadows of an early death,
Like Ophelia as she drowned.
 
I see your desperate search for more,
The poppy's nectar ever sought,
Addi… Read full post »

You're a beginner at love

When I am a failure, spectacular.

Failing not with intention nor 

Purity of heart,

But a failure 

In the real world, where 

Real feelings get hurt.

In one way I'm abandoned

By all that is Good and Holy,

And no one picks me up when… Read full post »

Each has an idea of perfection, and to see
it marred is the cause of most scars.
The mind is a failure at reality prediction,
But the fatal disease hasn't got me, thus far.
As music brings tension with disharmony,
We wait for the resolution of the chord.

Sometimes a stroke doubles as a lash,
And… Read full post »

God is in all things perfect:

Even perfect violence,

Even perfect blasphemy.

God is perfect in all things perfect:

And resonates with truth

in all things perfect opposite:

Even perfect Disharmony,

Even Holy Cacophony,

As true as it's own opposite, music.

God is perfect in all things perfect:

it is his perfect… Read full post »

The main drawback to reading Opensalon on a screen, (or any electronically viewed text content), as I see it, is, you can't pick your teeth with the corner of a good paperback cover.

 You must instead stop reading, go to the medicine cabinet, find floss, floss, brush, curse oneself for not… Read full post »

Why is it 'commentator' instead of 'commentor'? 

Hmmmm?

Why?  Read full post »

You have  sweet wings
and are among the angels,
although you walk here still,
upon the ground.  

You hear their song and then
Your heart beats
strong in time with
heavenly celestial spheres,
that contain light and fade with dark within
new colors and kinds of atmospheres….

I do not know if… Read full post »