Never let it be said that we are prejudiced only against white crackers, wingnuts, and right-wing religious crackpots. In a spirit of bipartisanship and equality, we state categorically that we are also prejudiced against black, brown, and/or polka-dot crackers, wingnuts, and religious crackpots. Like, say, Kimberly Daniels. (Via SN) A black "minister", Ms Daniels affects to believe a lot of - I think it's safe to say - odd things about Halloween. Like that it's a holiday (it isn't) and that Halloween candy carries curses.

No. Really.

Halloween—October 31—is considered a holiday in the United States. In fact, it rivals Christmas with regard to how widely celebrated it is.

The only true statement in those two opening sentences a is the date. This is par for the course for wingnuts and crackpots, who are famous for denouncing facts they made up 10 mins ago. They are also famous for their startling ignorance, but those two things may not be unconnected. Par example:

The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy—Lucifer's!

Actually, um...no. Not even close.

Halloween had its beginnings in an ancient, pre-Christian Celtic festival of the dead. The Celtic peoples, who were once found all over Europe, divided the year by four major holidays. According to their calendar, the year began on a day corresponding to November 1st on our present calendar. The date marked the beginning of winter. Since they were pastoral people, it was a time when cattle and sheep had to be moved to closer pastures and all livestock had to be secured for the winter months. Crops were harvested and stored. The date marked both an ending and a beginning in an eternal cycle.

And even if you zip past its rural Irish origin, she's still wrong.

It has roots in the Celtic festival of Samhain and gets its name from being the eve (e'en) of the Western Christian holy day of All Saints (the Eastern Orthodox celebrate All Saints Day in June).

You may remember this from grade school. I knew the alternate name for Halloween was All Saints Day when I was 7. So it's actually a "holy day" in the Catholic calendar that honors Saints rather than Lucifer, and though it isn't an observed secular holiday anywhere in the world that I'm aware of, certainly not in the US, the Saints part is still celebrated in some other countries.

I don't have time to correct every mistake Ms Daniels makes in her little screed - practically every sentence has a howler and you can go to Tintin at SN for the details - but I do want to get to the important stuff: how DANGEROUS Halloween is. I mean, you may want to protect yourself.

The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

A "time-released curse"? Does it come in a capsule like that cold medication? And then sort of release its poison over the entire "holiday" weekend? Ick.

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

You mean there are "dedicated" cadres of witches cursing Halloween candy in Hershey's factories and those places that make all that candy corn? Apparently. And demons leap out of that candy when you open the door to innocent trick-or-treaters. So everybody who buys that candy and hands it out is, ipso facto, a witch and Satan's handmaid. You may think you're just helping kids rot their teeth, but now we all know that you're actually helping to rot their souls. So, like, cut it out, OK?

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

I dunno. A demon that can't tell the difference between Wal-mart's and my aunt Sal's little house with the old gas grill on the porch and a rusting '58 Chevy Impala in the backyard? How could a demon that dumb figure out how to recognize a door much less know how to jump out of a piece of candy to go through it?

Still, I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry. So spare some time this weekend from worrying about Obama's illegal birth certificate and the Islamofascists living in your bathtub while they plot the flaming demise of the Free World, and spend it worrying about something really important.

Demon-cursed candy.