I’ve never been a car buff. I don’t know about torque, but I believe lots of it makes cars go really, really fast. The first car I ever bought was the worst car Chevy ever made and I didn’t even know you were supposed to add oil. I only knew it needed gasoline and it would go forever. I thought I was so cool, then, the little green monster began to rust. I had no brothers to teach me about these things and my father told me I needed a man to take care me and could I please find one soon. I do not know much about engines, except they come in 4, 6 and possibly 8 cylinders. I bought cars that could carry me and my luggage wherever my little heart desired.

Over the years, I’ve had many cars that served many different purposes. I traded in my Vega for my second car, a brand new Toyota Corolla Hatchback. I loved that car! I was living in Cleveland at the time and driving back and forth to Illinois several times a year. It never gave me any problems and I was happy, happy, happy. Then, I got married. I got pregnant on my honeymoon. He decided I needed a station wagon. I detested the idea, but he insisted. So, for several years I drove a cream colored Buick Electra Estate Wagon with that woody stuff down the side. My kids loved that car. The back seat faced out the rear window and they could wave at all the other drivers and harass them at stoplights. They had a captive audience.

I never wanted a minivan either. The automatic doors alone were reason not to own one. When my poor daughter was in fourth grade she had to ride with another mother on a field trip. It came time for the kids to pile out of the car. My darling daughter happened to be sitting right next to the door in the back seat and had no idea how to open the thing. That wretch of a woman yelled at her, “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO OPEN A DOOR?”

Helloooooo!! No she did not, because I refused to own a vehicle with those evil sliding doors, thank you very much! That woman is now dead! (sad, but true) Then, Honda came out with a minivan whose doors opened like real car doors! It was a miracle! The kids and the dog didn’t have to worry about getting slammed between the door and the car while hauling their hineys in and out. Again, happy, happy, happy!! And that CD player! That thing rocked!! I couldn’t get to the Honda dealer fast enough! I owned the first one in town.

The kids grew and so did the dog. They felt too old to be hauling around in a minivan. Lucky for me, Honda came out with the CRV. Whoa! What a concept! I’ve owned three!! But, now two kids are married, off on their own and the last, but certainly not least, is in his last year of college.

The opportunity has finally come for me to get a car for me, only me, it’s all about me, me me! I called my son and told him which car I picked out and he gives me a lecture. Yes! He lectures me on what a mistake I am making and how I should be buying a SMART car and the car I have chosen isn’t practical at all and what am I thinking at my age???? Is this what happens when your child is a chemistry and mathematics major? The marketing and journalist majors didn’t feel like this. Well, Son, ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM, I may have to think twice the next time you come home from school and want to borrow my new car...