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Come on in and make yourself comfy. Kick off your shoes. Coffee? Tea? Sit awhile and read… Express your thoughts. Any questions? Feel free to ask for I am a woman of a certain age and I do not fear my secrets. I welcome them for they have led me here, where I pour them out in written word. I'm also a Recovering Catholic, but I very much believe in a Higher Power. Those shoes you see in my banner, I own those shoes... Stuart Weitzman Fever in patent leather red! We used to get out alot more, me and my shoes. So I decided to add them to my blog because, hey, I'm not dead yet!! "Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone." ~Jim Fiebig


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APRIL 15, 2009 2:08AM

Apollo "The Sun Dog"

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Apollo "The Sun Dog" October 2004 - April 2009

Apollo was a mighty dog, full of joy, love and passion, always making up games and expecting us to figure them out; hide-and-seek being his favorite. He showed us unconditional love and in return, we loved him unconditionally, too.

What is the lesson? What lesson do you learn from a crazy friggin dog who loves you more than words can say? He was like a child that never grew up. I cannot believe how distraught I have been over him, gone now. He followed me around the house so much that everywhere I go I expect him to be there. I haven't slept in my bed yet, only on the sofa because my bed is so full of his dog hair I cannot bear to go in there. I have finally put the sheets in the wash just 15 minutes ago. I have picked up all his toys, but cannot bear to part with about 5 of them. I haven't even started on the car yet.... he has toys there too.

I know the lesson is love... I know that... but what kind of mixed up love was that? lol It makes me laugh to think of it. A dog that made me crazy and destroyed my house yet loved me so much that he was my constant companion through thick and thin. He was there for me during the years after my divorce seeing me through all my lonely days and nights. He forced to out of bed when I didn't want to get up. He forced me outside when I didn't want to go. I bitched about not being able to have people over, but he made it easy for me to be homebound, which I believe I liked. Just me and Apollo, hanging on the sofa. I can't go into the kitchen to get food without wondering why he isn't following me. I can't friggin pee without wondering why he isn't at the door. I can't open the front door without thinking... don't let the dog out. I can't leave through the back door without thinking... Apollo, let's go bye bye. I can't lay on the sofa without waiting for him to jump up next to me. Right now I am wondering why he isn't here nudging my elbow while I type.

Mother, is he with you? I want to believe he ran into the light when he saw you standing there calling to him.... Do you think it happened that way?

How do mother's lose their children without going mad? How do mothers deal with children who are epileptic? I practically gave up my life to be with him every second of the day, just in case he had another seizure. They kept coming more frequently and getting worse and worse. Eight this past Sunday. The pain is so deep to watch them in a seizure. I can't stop hearing his howling and crying. I had NEVER heard those sounds out of an animal in my life. He could not see and kept walking into walls. Zach loved that dog..... I can't bear to tell him yet.

Oh, God, my heart hurts.... I feel so alone, yet I know it is time for me to move on.... That is the message I think. I have proven to myself that I can love again through thick and thin and heal. What is life without love? Now I have to go out into the real world and find it, knowing it will not be perfect, but it can still be.

Move forward..... I need to move forward and not be stuck... That's why he left. I need to leave the pain behind and move on... He taught me to love.... and proved I could do it again... I became trapped in my home, afraid to leave him and go out into the world, but now I have the freedom to move forward. He gave me that freedom by sacrificing himself....

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saddness, death, pet, dog, animals

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I'm finally back. I've been in a self-imposed exile for many reasons, but Spring has sprung and the sun is shining and life goes on. Thank God!
Grieving-- acknowledging your pain, is the first step of the healing process. I've only seen my brother cry one time since he's been a man, and that was when he lost one of his dogs via being struck by a car. He and his family have had more dogs since then, now they got 3, and I too love them dearly--as if they are my own. Your compassion is the foundation of your strength. Be well.
My heart hurts for you too. I'm so sorry for your loss, but Apollo is in a better place now, and I'll be he is with your mom, and they're playing with his toys, and looking out for you. His pain is gone now.

There are pets I've lost that I still look for even tho they've been gone for years - they never really leave us, and their love certainly does not.

Hugs to you!!!
Thank you Mr. Mustard and bluesurly, for your kind comments. My mother died one year ago this month also. That didn't help matters!! I do not know how my father ever slept in the same bed again that he shared with my mother for 57 years. I've had dogs all my life, but Apollo shared a very important time of healing with me.

The day he died Newsweek came out with an article about epilepsy and how people live with it. My heart goes out to all those people and all the ones that love them. It is a horrible thing.
I absolutely loved this post and the video. What an amazing and beautiful tribute to a dog I loved without ever having met him. Thank you for sharing him with us. I'm sure he is looking over you and every dog owner who has known this love and heartbreaking loss. Welcome back. (Glad the paragraph comment over on Verbal's Post made you smile too. That's a bonus!). Rated for you and Apollo.
M, I am so sorry.......a sweet remembrance.....more beauty than most of us can handle no doubt. They rip us to pieces don't they? Drooling out those silly little annoyances that we so dearly wish would always be with us. I am taken back to our losses, then I think of the wonders to come, the little ones not-yet-born........

We well...........G
I've been where you've been and understand. I'm so very sorry for loss of the beloved member of your family. If Apollo could talk, I'm sure he would have said how safe you made him feel and how glad he was that you were with him at the end of his life.

We're here for you right now.
I feel your pain, and so very sorry for your loss. Animals have often been more help and comfort than people when I've dealt with life's difficulties - and that's reason enought to love them the way we do.

Beautiful tribute - A toast to Apollo, the Sun Dog!
Good thoughts and prayers headed your way. It is surely heartrending to lose a constant companion.

Remember the good times, and always keep him close in your heart.
Oh, god, I'm so sorry, MAWB. My pets are my children and it's awful when they leave us. But you gave Apollo everything a human can and should give a dog. Hugs.
Sometimes, holding on the pain makes us feel like it's the only thing that keeps us close to the ones we've lost. What you are feeling is normal...it will go away once it feels that it has served its purpose. I am so sorry for your loss.
All of you make me feel so loved!! Thank you for your outpouring of sympathy. April has not been my month. My mom died a year ago this month and I had to call my son and tell him his other Grandma went into the hospital last night (second time in two weeks). No wonder my back has been out.... geesh! But, summer is coming and it's getting warmer. I find it easier to deal with all of this when the sun is shining and the ice storms are over!!

Thank you all!! xoxox
I'm choking up. What a beautiful animal. Weimeraners really know how to play to the camera, don't they (thank you William Wegman)? What happened?? Too young, too young, although no dog should pass before its owner, I say. So sorry for your loss, and glad Cartouche sent me this way, although now I'm bummed. Apollo knew how much you loved him, and you gave him the best life he could ever have had. Warm wishes... you will heal.
Wow. True sacrifice. True love. Though tears well up, spring has sprung MAWB! What a great reminder for us all to enjoy every moment, because life is way to short. Hugs xoxoxo
Oh that's hard - people who don't have pets might find it hard to understand but yes, my dog actually has made me want to not only love but also live. You're doing exactly what you need to, including posting here among friends...
Welcome back. Losing a pet is so hard. Losing a mother, and yourself, is harder still. I'm glad Apollo was with you for your bad times and that you were with him for his.

You have my sincere condolences for the loss of your mother and your beloved pet. Hope you'll accept those lessons learned the hard way and embrace life now. For your family and yourself.
It's so, so, so hard losing a loved pet. They are such special creatures that bring significant meaning to our lives. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Rated for happy Apollo memories to come.
I feel some of your pain because like you I have lost pets that were better, more loving friends than many of the human variety. I hope at some point in the not so distant future you can recall again only the very good memories. I mourn your loss with you.

I posted about having to put my cat to sleep a little over a week ago, and I had/have some of the same emotions that you are experiencing. Be good to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. It took me a week to put away her things and wash by linens. Just today I thought I "saw" her in a familiar spot and it brought tears again. My heart is with you.
He was gorgeous! Such a loss when there should have been so many more years together. I know all too well the pain of losing such a companion, and before his time too. It's very deep and I bet you're feeling numb and achey with it all.

You'll never forget him. The memory lives on with you every day, but the pain part gradually gets replaced with thoughts that make you smile, mostly it does.

If and when you will get another dog is different for everyone. There is certainly a lot to be said for the freedom that comes from no encumbrances of the four legged variety but as much as a pain in the ass that can be, I choose the encumbrances.

Breathe deep and I wish healing thoughts to you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you all for stopping by with your sympathy and empathy and warm fuzzies. Funny how some things hit us. This crazy dog had my heart. Hooray for pets that make us feel loved! I actually slept in my bed last night finally. Much better than the sofa!
The notion that silence can be deafening becomes so much clearer when you lose a dog. My dogs are now of an age that every day I dread seeing the first signs of my impending loss. I started to watch your video, but stopped 19 seconds in because I was starting to bawl. I know we only get them on loan, but it still sucks. He was a lovely dog. You were lucky to have each other.
I'm so sorry. My dogs are always there for me, and it totally sucks when they have to go.
Don't know how I missed this a couple of days ago, but I'm in tears now. Thank you for this lovely tribute, the words, pictures, and music. You were both very fortunate to have each other. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
my judy passed away in december just before christmas, its 6months along and every day that goes by makes me ache and the dispear of not being able to hold her or kiss her just gets worse. my wife gets drunk when im at work, I came home to find her holding judy's ashes and her picture with the bottles lieing on the floor.

The worste thing is I dont know what to say or do for her because my pain is just as deep. judy was our baby our little princess and I long for her just as my wife does. She was the most buaetful thing that ever walked into my life as part of a family that could not have children we smothered her in love and she returned that love with total devotoin. Judy was an equal member of our lives and her love shone brighter than any sun or star.

I cant explain the bond we had, the passion and the love that was so obvious to others and yet normal to us as a family.

I know that my days are hard to cope with even though I dont say anything or show to much feeling, i am in dispear as I know my wife is and the longer without judy we go the more my heart breaks!

I dont expect everyone to know what im talking about, if you have had that kind of love then you will know my pain. my life hasnt always been the best of times but if i had to do it all again just to rewind and spend the time with my little princess I would relive every bad moment and think it was worthit!

I do know one thing though, no amount of time can heal or replace the void that gets bigger everyday in my heart and that pain will never goaway!

I just cant except she is gone, that the purest love I have ever experienced has left my life.