Pocknis – noun – Language of Men – meaning) If it doesn’t have anything to do with their pocketbook or their penis, they cannot hear you! This word is not found in any dictionary. Why? Because I made it up!

The success of any relationship is, of course, communication. Now that communication can come in many, many ways as you well know! Emotional, physical, spiritual… blah, blah, blah! Let’s face it; Barbie and Ken have been the ideal couple for over 50 years now, but HELLO!! They can’t speak to each other! 

Barbie: “What are you thinking, Ken?”

Ken: “Huh?”

And they have no “anatomically correct” parts, so how could things possibly go wrong?

Anthony & Cleopatra, Romeo & Juliet…. Both famous couples. But, again, HELLO!! These women committed suicide! And so did their lovers! Pfft… chalk it up to lack of communication! They didn’t know how to speak Pocknis!

When talking to your man, get to the point! Men do not dawdle. They want to get there NOW! Haven’t you learned this from sleeping with them? When your sons come home from school and tell you how their day went, it takes them less than two minutes from beginning to end. Oh, but when your daughters come home, they can go on for hours about their experiences. Take a clue here and shut up! Men do not want to know all the details, only the pertinent facts. 

I realized my man listened most intently when I was spending money, discussing money that I spent or money I was going to spend. That is when I had his full attention except for the times I was discussing sex: his sex, my sex, our sex or their sex. Men will talk about sex all day long. Men have over 5 billion thoughts about sex every 3 seconds. We know this because our government has paid thousands of dollars on sex research (somewhere) that tells us this. I actually had a man, who works at a very large Fortune 100 company, tell me that I would not believe the number of men that go into the restrooms at work and masturbate. My mouth dropped open (which I was afraid he liked). How do they get anything done at that company? 

Men are not mind readers. You gotta spell it out to ‘em. “No, not there, a little over to the right. Farther up. YES! YES! THERE!” 

Instead of, “Honey, I want us to spend more quality time together,” try, “Honey, I just bought this sexy new nighty and thought we could try it out this weekend after you take me to dinner, just the two of us.” BAM!! You got your dinner!

Or, instead of, “Hey, the gutters need to be cleaned, when do you think you might get off your ass and do that?” try, “George, the handyman, said he would only charge us $500 for cleaning the gutters, I’ll make the appointment for next week.” BAM!! I bet you have clean gutters in less than 24 hours. 

So, I say to women everywhere, “Learn to speak Pocknis!”