I believe it was fate that brought Buckeye into my life. One Sunday my wife and I took our boys to the pet store to pet the animals. While the boys and I were petting the rabbits my wife stepped away. She returned a few minutes later carrying an adorable German Shepherd puppy. We all oohed and aahed over the pup for a few minutes then returned it to the store employee.

The boys wanted to take it home that day but my wife said "No puppy!" At the time we were potty training my oldest, and my wife simply did not want to housebreak a boy AND a dog at the same time. Since she's the one at home during the day, she got the final say in the matter. Talking to her later that night, though, it turned out that she was thisclose to ignoring her concern and getting the dog. She had been  touched by it.

The very next day in the break room at work I saw a big, soulful pair of brown eyes staring at me from the bulletin board. FREE TO A GOOD HOME read the sign. Someone was moving to an apartment and couldn't take their 4-year old German Shepherd with them. I called my wife, she called the owner, and that night we took Buckeye home with us for a "trial run." That trial run turned into my first two years of being a dog owner.

Helping hunt EasterEggs

 From the start, Buckeye was a very well-behaved dog. He knew how to Sit, Stay, Come. We could take him out to the front yard with us and he wouldn't even think about running away. He stayed on the front porch watching over the boys as they played. He loved playing fetch, though he never quite mastered the "give it back" part. When playing fetch with Buckeye, you needed at least two balls - he'd drop the one he had when you threw the next one. Our backyard grass got pretty torn up by his big paws running back and forth.

Buckeye always made me feel safe. One night stands out in my mind: I was awoken by a noise downstairs and heard Buckeye emitting a low growl. I grabbed a flashlight and went to investigate. Buckeye came with me, hugging close to my legs as we went down the steps. Then he let loose a loud bark and ran toward the back door with me in pursuit. As I rounded the corner I heard our back door slam shut. Someone unwelcome had been in our house while we were sleeping, and Buckeye had scared him off.

Our first winter with Buckeye was eye-opening. This dog LOVED playing in the snow! He'd come out with me while I shoveled and try to catch every shovelful in his mouth. He'd flop into the snow and just roll around, relishing the cold powder as it coated his sleek coat. He'd stick his nose into the snow and just walk the yard, making a little trough where he'd been sniffing. I don't think he was ever happier than he was when there was a foot or more of snow on the ground.

Buckeye in his element

Of course, there were problems. Buckeye had seperation anxiety. He didn't like it when he was alone in the house and we'd often come home to find a pile of poop on the living room floor. We tried crate training him but he'd have none of that - he completely destroyed the metal cage we tried to put him in. Just grabbed it with his teeth and started pulling until it broke. Then there was the time I tried changing his food and it gave him diarrhea for a week. An 85-pound German Shepherd with diarrhea is not an animal you want to be around! But all in all, he was a good dog and a welcome part of our family.

 One day last year, about a year ago exactly now that I think about it, I noticed Buckeye's eye didn't look right. It was a little cloudy, and when the light hit it just right it glimmered a strange green that I'd never seen before. My wife noticed it too. So off to the vet for some eyedrops, I figured. If only...

What followed was 4 months of misery for Buckeye and for us. At first the vet said he might have glaucoma, though that would be rare in a 6-year old Shepherd. She gave us some eye drops and told us to bring him back in a couple weeks. His eye got cloudier despite the drops, so back to the vet. She measured his eye pressure and it was high - dangerously so. It was, she said, causing Buckeye considerable pain. You wouldn't know it from his actions - he was a trooper. She gave us different eye drops to use in conjunction with the originals.

After several more vet visits and one emergency run to the pet hospital we had a schedule of 5 different eye medications that were given throughout the day.  Imagine trying to keep up with morning pills, evening pills, and 14 doses of eye drops daily all while watching 2- and 4- year old boys. This was what my wife and I  went through for four months.

 The only explanation anyone could give us was that Buckeye's immune system was attacking his own tissue, and there may be no way to completely stop it. One early fear was cancer, so we did X rays and CAT scans but nothing showed up.

With a shaved belly after X Rays

Buckeye had the heart of a lion but even he started to lose his spirit. He no longer came running whenever I called his name, because he knew it probably meant more eye drops. He began to sleep a lot more than usual. He stopped following me every time I left the house, even if was just to bring the trash outside. When he started showing obvious signs of pain, such as rubbing his eyes with his paws and shaking his head, I knew that things were taking a turn for the worse.

By this time we'd gone 4 months of daily medication, and spent almost $2,000 in vet bills. I was reaching the end of what I could allow myself to do - we honestly weren't able to afford the $2,000 we'd already spent. When the vet told us that our next course of action was surgery to remove his eyes, I had to put a stop to it. It's a dilemma many pet owners face - at what point are you keeping the animal alive for your benefit, and not for its own? Buckeye - my beautiful, loyal Buckeye - was suffering and there was only one thing I could do to stop it. I made Buckeye's final appointment for the vet the next day.

That night it snowed. A lot, almost 8 inches. I left work early and took Buckeye out with me to shovel snow. After all the suffering he'd gone through he still seemed so happy to be out in the snow. We were out in the cold for a couple hours, then it was time to go to the vet. I don't need to relate exactly what happened there, except to say it was peaceful for Buckeye and heartbreaking for my wife and me.

It's now been 8 months since Buckeye left us.  I feel an empty spot in my heart every time I come home and there's no pointy nose poking out the door to greet me. My Facebook status the day we put him down was "RIP Buckeye, it won't hurt anymore. You were a good friend, a good protector, and a good playmate. You were a very good boy, and I'll miss you."  And I do.

I miss my dog.