Tonight I cannot sleep. I am busy lighting candles, meditating on the Audacity of Hope, both Barack's book and the nobility of his cause, this effort to "dream dreams that never were and ask, why not?" George Bernard Shaw's words are haunting me; they echo tonight in the voice of Robert F. Kennedy, and I am a hopeful girl again, someone who truly believes in the rhetoric of my homeland, but the moment quickly fades as I face an uncomfortable truth, something I've told students of American Literature again and again: The Civil War did not end in America in 1865, and the American Revolution has to be fought anew for each new generation of Americans. What I mean by this is that Gettysburg and Antitem are not just places on a map or a thorn in the side of the living American Confederacy. I mean that the first Revolution, our experiment in democracy, has to be successfully waged in the consciousness of each young person by the age they reach the ability to conceptualize, the age of formal operations. Democracy American style has to mean something more that some capitalist construct.  After all, Jefferson's words about human rights are still a vital struggle in the minds of we Americans still fending off the double speak, euphemisms, and fear tactics of those who are more focused on self interest than universal health care  and fair-share taxation, something for which we overthrew a monarchy to achieve.

But I still dream -- that when the 2009 State of the Union address is given in January, hopeful citizens around the world will have a renewed faith in the  possibility of a New Jerusalem, the Promised Land, the vision and beacon of an age of inquiry and reform for all who yearn for freedom and justice. But I know I just might be delusional. After all, voting machines are corrupt all around our country. Perhaps I should ask a pseudo-rhetorical question. Can memory cards be altered? Check out Volusia County, Florida, where votes for Al Gore were subtracted in order to perpetuate a successful fraud in 2000. We know this fact from the year 2000 when we did not really elect a mediocre Redneck from Texas to be the leader of our America, did we? These are facts that evoke a mere yawn from most harried citizens. It angered me then. It does now.

But as a Texas Democrat with an Obama-Biden sign in my yard, I do sense what we're up against. Some of my neighbors do not speak to me anymore when not too long ago, they were glad, as one quietly whispered to me, "that {you're} on 'our' side." I knew what that meant, but I didn't dispute it because I am on everyone's side. I respect all humans and animals -- all of earth. And yet, I'm not on the side of greed and graft. And yes, I do know all the code words for hate. I have read all the untruths in Newsmax claiming Barrack is a terrorist and that we will be attacked by others with Muslim names. I know what some of my neighbors mean by "us" and "our" and I am sure their sense of what's theirs does not include the likes of me. After all, I am a black woman with a multi-racial heritage who is largely invisible to most who assume whom and what I am. Invisble is good sometimes. At least perceptions are de'riguer. I'm not dangerous at all.

So tonight I am a little worried. A fellow drove down my street and stopped at the stop sign in my yard a few days ago. He had a sign on his back window. The Confederate flag with eagle's wings. I sat on my porch like I do on most Saturday mornings and noted nothing unusual, at least not until he sat at the stop sign for 10 minutes and backed up once to see me and to see the sign again. Then he drove forward a little and turned on his radio. He blasted out some unintelligible noise, revved his engine and burned rubber as he made a left turn down the street perpendicular to my house. He was clearly disturbed. But he didn't bother me. Not much. He's common enough around here.

It's the leaders he counts on who disturb me. The ones who fix elections and who add disruptive devices to voting machines. States with optical scan machines will be rigged to vote for McCain tommorow {it's today already! Election day is here as I edit}. Possibly. Rigged.

It happened with Bush against Kerry in 2004. It happened in 2000 with Al Gore. It's no wonder McCain is so confident he will win even though his running mate has a negative message every time she opens her mouth and she is clearly more of a Redneck mother (you add the expletives) than she is a worthy candidate. We the people did little to stop them before. I want to know what's so different about 2008?

But enough about "them."  I want to note that it has taken me all my adult life to divide folks that way. I always thought I could judge everyone by the content of his or her character, but such idealism as that will be put to the test on November 4th 2008 [today] when the last polls close.

We should note for history tonight that America really is a divided country. It is run by large corporations, elitist rich white conservatives who want to preserve the status quo. They are the top one percent economically, but we have evidence that wealth is not a prerequisite for divine favor or good sense. So tonight, for the sake of my sanity, I am drawing a circle around myself, including my self, someone historically excluded from this process, as someone who is a part of those who are taking a stand against graft, corruption, partisan politics, and this war we are in to preserve a two-party system in America. We must be wary of the software in the voting booth. Votes can be altered without leaving a trace.

Furthermore, delusional or not, I no longer believe I am safe, despite and because of our efforts in the last eight years to go to war with all the terrorists in the Middle East. And yet, I am more afraid of the white-collar terrorists in my own community. We Americans, the people in this country, have to take back our country by any means necessary. Fradulent counts. Lies. Bullying. Lynchings. Jim Crow. This was American to my progenitors. I hope when I wake up on November 5th that I have not been figuratively lynched again by the modern-day version of Lincoln's (?) Republican Party.

Tommorow's election is about taking our democracy back. If we do not succeed, then the state of our economy will not be the most serious problem we Americans will face. We will face the judgment and retribution of the people not just in America, but around the world.

We're still discussing and protesting the tabulations for the elections of 2000 and 2004, but no one has done anything about it. We report it in documentaries and allude to it in the media, but when will we have a referendum on this corruption?

 Tommorow!!! GIVE ME LIBERTY!!! Folks, tommorow is here right now.

Or...maybe this nightmare is only that, a place in my worst dreams where I watch my safety net, my America begin it's slow decline into the annals of failed experiments. Forcibly obliterated by those who are jaded enough to believe in something besides, "We the People." A nightmare of a Camelot gone mad...

 As for Barrack Obama, he is our canary in the coal mine. The mine? America and its reality. Jobs lost. A declining middle class. A deteriorating Earth.

Obama is our canary. He dropped himself into this land mine we call our democracy two years ago as a candidate for the leader of the "free" world. If our canary dies, so will hope.  So will the promise and the dream. The air of relentless drilling will suffocate us all. The smugness and lies will grate on our consciousness as some vital part of our youthful innocence dies as well.  Such a failure as this will be more than a sore spot,  but I also hope I'm wrong.

Conversely, wake me up if the process works. I voted early. God only knows if my vote counted. I want to believe that the sun is a morning star, and that when I  rise on Wednesday, November 5th 2008, there will be,  perhaps  for the first time, a sunrise on our country bright enough to awaken all Americans to the light of a new era, one where every person can be bold enough, empowered enough,  and faithful enough to work diligently for a better world.  Bold, like  Barrack Obama. Bold, like our Founding Fathers. Even bold, like John McCain, if he wins, fair and square.

God Bless America. With Liberty and Justice for All? Please let this be a waking dream come true.

PEACE.