This appears to be a ranting. It is.  But I don't know what to say exactly. I have not been excluded from the conversation, but simply dismissed. After all, how can a conservative Christian have anything relevant to say on a Blog site, especially about religion, class, race, immigration and government policy.

But that's not all, those on both sides like to discuss the moral worth of those of us who claim faith,  and most often we are cited and criticized for having friends in low places. And yet, I don't remind folks as often as I should that Christ himself had friends in low places, ate and drank raucously and was criticized for associating with tax collectors. I get criticized on the left for my affinity for Pro-Lifers and middle-of-the-road Republican Party members, and for not being liberal enough. The truth is that I'm not liberal at all. Once when I was young and had a strong need to fit in, I fashioned myself a liberal, but in truth, liberal values create anxiety in me. Can I just love the sinner and not the sin? Perhaps for some of you that sentiment is just oversimplistic, but I confess to you that a close look at Psalm 1: 1-3 will change your mind. It is the key to happiness."Blessed is the man (or woman) who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the seat of the scoffers; but his (or her) delight is the Law of the Lord, and on his Law(s), he/she meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by the water, that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that she does, she prospers."

 Now, now I'm not a scoffer at anti-Christians, but faith has always gotten me in trouble. In graduate school, I didn't understand post-modernism, but I understood religion. All attempts to interpret literature in lieu of what I believed were met with poor grades and opposition. I once wrote about Coleridge's dark poem "Crystabel" that it was a struggle about faith. Same for Anne Rice and her vampires. I could have used a cross with a stake in those days of the late 80's when true liberalism meant freedom to experiment with just about anything. Again, it succeeded in making me anxious and ill. Perhaps I was too deficient to compete.

The fruits of my tantalizing ventures into  free thought landed me in the hospital though. I just wasn't made for it on any level.  The byproduct of those years are false labels, gossip, and misperceptions. Everyone has a theory.

The fruits of the spirit, however, are different. Suffering gained me the life of the saints, the miracle of Mother Mary, and the reality of the Holy Trinity. I have not abandoned it.  What my friends have learned to face is that I am not who I thought I was as a youngster, not who they thought I was either, 60s childhood notwithstanding. In truth, I have not ever changed at my core, and I suspect life is like this for most folks, who often do not follow their heart or their minds, but who choose to align their values with faulty actions in some misguided effort to be true to themselves. It's called sin folks, and it's best not to stick to your guns about it. Transform! Be reborn!

Some of my friends who have known me a lifetime would also argue that I have always been true to my heart. Not so. Like most faltering sinners, I have often failed myself and failed God. I have confessed here and before my priests, but I still haven't wrapped my mind around the reality some folks live.

For example, how can someone embrace hatred and justify it as faith, responsibility and social action? All this on the political right. What can one say about Rush Limbaugh except that he wants to make money at any cost? What can be said about those who take him seriously?

On the left, others will attempt to use some slight of hand, shorthand to confuse social justice for some, with injustice for others. For example, it would appear to be extreme liberalism to want health care for immigrants, but this is a bipartisan issue. On the other hand, we have American citizens who continue to be underrepresented, overlooked, and who will miss out on this healthcare debate unless some sort of divine intervention takes place.

Another problem: Abortion.

 I am a Catholic. Period. I believe in the Church of the Apostles, the one Jesus himself created. I believe in God the Father. Period. I believe life begins at conception and ends in natural death.

So yes. I have issues. To begin with, let's end federally-subsidized abortion. Let's never embrace euthanasia as government policy. It boils down to right and wrong. There are absolutes. Moral ones.  Abortion and euthanasia are wrong. Period. Our government should not involve itself here. It's simply "the right to kill" carefully embedded in federal policy with what looks like something for the public good. Our health care laws before Congress right now look exactly like this upon close examination. Don't let the White House or the liberal legislature get away with this. Do your homework.

Why should a chance for life  ever be considered evil? Inconvenient, yes, but politically sound or justified? Never. Nor can the dignity of a natural death be something legislated except by personal conscience. If you think I'm evangelizing, you're correct. I am Catholic for a good reason. I believe enough to attempt to live out the tenets of my faith. Attempt is all I can do. I'm merely human. C.S. Lewis had it right about us men and women. If you have faith, I know you try to live it just as I do. So don't conclude I'm being self-righteously smug. That is not my purpose here. I just don't like politics.

One other thing before I upset the liberal left even more. I don't like it when "feel good" Joel Osteen type, pop psychology passes itself off for Christianity, regardless  of how popular it has become. Granted, some folks won't go to see a therapist, so the Osteens in this world are sorely needed, but his brand name is not religion, not even Protestant style. Let's just call it what it is. It is the Brave New World orgy-porgy, stadium-style, feel good, secular humanism that sells Sunday mornings as football faith -- a faith of the populus in our 21st century post-American era and ethos.  Yes, it's for sale in bookstores and it's cheap, but I'm not buying it. It will not buy me heaven in this world or the next. Even Billy Graham knows this is not religion. Too bad our reporters can't read between the lines...

Instead, give me an austere and critical St. Jerome. Give me poverty as a lifestyle. Give me suffering and the cross of Jesus. After all, when all is said and done, we cannot make sense of our lives by embracing tootsie roll polemicals, no matter how nicely they're packaged. No matter what brand we choose, God is real. And God decides.

Please note: This is not about doomsday, but it is doomsday-style suffering every day somewhere -- in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan, in Somalia and Rwanda. How do we sell our Polyanna-style, free-wheeling American ease to these human beings? Or do we see them as human at all, or as anything other than Third-World Muslim terrorists? Yes, some of them are, but what about their victims, and why do we only save those in countries where we have remunerative interests?

We Americans are in our darkest hour, mostly because we cannot see ourselves the way others see us. Try shallow. Or insensitive. Try brutal. Or power hungry. We have not fooled anyone except ourselves. Want another example: Many Americans cannot get past Barrack Obama's blackness, regardless of his policies; many pray for his failure and utter demise. We tolerated Bush with much more grace. We have a fine-tuned taste for evil that passes itself off for something good. And in the case of Obama, any attempt to criticize him is offset by the sheer numbers of people ready to pounce on his actions only because they have problems with his race. And granted, his brand of politics is not what he claimed it would be, not yet anyway.

Americans please note: Our litmus tests are faltering; our canaries in the coal mines are on their last breaths. We are failing to solve problems; insisting on unity, but never working for it; hiding behind our doubts and hatred. We have become our own worst enemy. If you do not believe this, just watch the news. Any channel will do. They are all about reporting what they believe are facts, and as usual, no one is interested in the truth. What truths? Well I have a few ideas, ones that are only partially credible solutions, but then I'm not running for office either. But I would exhort you all to pray.

So why don't we get on with it? We can always impeach another Democratic President to satisfy someone's moral outrage. We can always elect another George Bush to stand up for the rights of the so-called moral majority, who are by the way, only moral when they define the terms. What then?

Final Question: How do we pass true reform minus the lobbyists on both sides? I would attend a Tea Party if it were for true issues, and not the age-old messiness of "Othello in the White House." Shakespeare as a Catholic is quite convincing you know.

Cautionary Answers: Anyone considered putting prayer back in public schools? Or, ignoring tax dollar gains and instead kicking out the troublemakers in high schools? Or fostering relief efforts in war-torn countries?  How about featuring public service as a responsibility and a prerequisite of citizenship? How about reclaiming women's rights in terms of eradicating misogyny and abortion, or fostering  universal health care for all children as a critical national policy? We seem to fight over everything but what matters. This secular society has made individual rights a religion at the expense of true democracy. And in a country founded on faith, we cannot tolerate the austerity of true faith.

I suggest we require a course in Western Civilization and the faith of the Founding Fathers as a prerequisite for high school graduation and while we're at it, let's go ahead and require English as our national language.

Every immigrant has had to assimilate, and NOW we're arguing over whether new immigrants have the right to assimilate us. Outrageous! But I may be entirely wrong, but I too am free to speak my mind. One last thing: If you consider yourself an American, please pick up a new book titled, One Nation Under God: The History of Prayer in America. We surely need to pray and to act on our consciences as our Founding Fathers did with great clarity: "In God We Trust." That's all.

Yes. I'm a conservative who eschews labeling. I vote my conscience and have no permanent party loyalties. I am a Christian, a Catholic, a woman, a black Creole American, a Southerner, somewhat learned, but not always right. I don't always have to have my own way either. I understand this to be part of what it means to live in a democracy. I can live with holding the minority opinion. I was born into it. Can you?

Finally, America could use a media capable of transcending the superficial pablum of the daily grind. We use our televisions to reassure ourselves that we are in touch with the world -- and every form of sensationalism some pundit passes off as truth. We would do better to unplug the noise and talk to our children, or our dogs, for that matter. Or we could wax profound and try talking to God about it. He will most likely answer.