a Pefect Guilt

Mimetalker's Blog

a mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Mimetalker

Location: Illinois, USA
Birthday: January 26

Bio: On this blog: All words (other than identified quotations) © Sharon Nesbit-Davis, 2009-12, All rights reserved. *********************************** I am a blog writer at two sites: Rockford Register Star: Arts4All AND The Red Tent: The Movie ********************************** You can find me on Facebook: "The Mime Writes" Logo Design by Dianaani ********************************** I work as the Education & Community Engagement Director of a Regional Arts Council which means I beg "the deciders" to fund and support the arts for everyone, not just the rich. *********************************** I am also a mime. For those that hate mimes, I understand. But you'll never find me annoying people on the street, unless I'm living there. I'm a "concert mime" ...which means you have to buy a ticket. *********************************** I've been married to my one and only since 1976. Still happy. Still in love. Two kids, six grandkids. In college I became a Baha'i (a world religion whose main theme is unity). It keeps me relatively sane in a world gone mad.

MY RECENT POSTS

Mourning & Mathematics...with Albert on the side
May 18, 2012 10:31AM
Warning: Mother's Day Rant...
May 11, 2012 10:36AM
Driving White
May 06, 2012 09:52PM
circular horizons
April 29, 2012 10:53PM
damn...
April 25, 2012 02:00PM

MY RECENT COMMENTS

“I believe in artists getting paid for their work. When you are establishing yours…”
May 23, 2012 01:14PM
“wow...if this catches on, it sounds like a lot of work for the administrators...b…”
May 23, 2012 11:00AM
“My high school history teacher read that to us and we laughed because it was the…”
May 20, 2012 12:46PM
“I remember seeing this on the evening news and remember thinking George Wallace w…”
May 19, 2012 02:18PM
“smiles for you.”
May 19, 2012 01:59PM

Mimetalker's Links

Education Issues: What Mattered; Testing...Testing...Testing...
Childhood Memoir: One Santa Believing Christmas; The Cosmic Joker; Wasps; A Perfect Guilt
Dying Lessons from Parents: Good Deaths; Only Buried; Answers from mom; The passings
About my belief...: A Glimpse of Peace; Unjustly Accused Receive Sentences; Search for a Revolution; Baha'i Faith

« Back to Posts

AUGUST 30, 2010 3:47AM

Rate: 25 Flag

Post taken down for major revisions.

Author tags:

open call, my ten minutes as a bully, a story i have never told anyone because that is how ashamed i am of what i did

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!

Comments

Post a comment

The humiliation of choosing her was far worse for her than the punches. It made me cry to read this.

I'm glad you came clean. You were unsparing and honest and gave us all a glimpse into ourselves, as both the bully and the bullied. There's beauty in that.

cheshyre grin

August 30, 2010 04:15 AM

A perfect ending indeed. Children are cruel, as everyone knows. What a traumatic incident in several ways. I think I can predict what kind of "ending" to the story that Karen's adult life has taken.

Dear reader I married him

August 30, 2010 04:17 AM

Sharon this is so well-told and the ending 'fits'. r.

Jonathan Wolfman

August 30, 2010 06:02 AM

i've written about death, money, and now i've even written about glenn beck. but i still can't look this topic in the eye and write about these little girls, the ones we were. thanks. the punchline is especially rich.

cheapbohemian

August 30, 2010 06:12 AM

The notion of self-forgiveness is one I have struggled with for most of my life. I do not live in shame for past offences, but I do honor the memories of those offences with an awareness that moves me forward, and does not mire me down. Thank you for a well told story, and another glimpse into your remarkable life.

kitd

August 30, 2010 07:14 AM

Rated. A wonderfully told story, but I was one of those "geeks" everyone picked on at the time. It never got violent, but being the unchosen has stayed with me all of my life.

Did you contact the girl once you realized who she was?

alfred booth

August 30, 2010 07:26 AM

Trying to rate this, but the button won't work. Every once in a while it sticks.

Myriad

August 30, 2010 07:29 AM

Well-written. I was engrossed the whole time. It's horrible, the mean things we do in childhood. But maybe we need to do them to know better in the future?

Alysa Salzberg

August 30, 2010 07:33 AM

This is another compelling read with a lot to chew on. Interesting how these unresolved guilts still lie there within...how easily recalled. Exceptional writing again. Thanks so much for the gifts of your work. r

A Persistent Muse

August 30, 2010 07:49 AM

I'm crying with Harry, and I agree with everything he said. I know this was painful for you to remember, Sharon. Hope it helped to heal you in the writing.

Matt Paust

August 30, 2010 08:34 AM

Mimetalker, this post is a piece of perfection, even without The Tall One's happy ending (although that is icing on the writing cake). Have you ever thought about writing middle-grade or young adult novels? You have a great style and voice for it.

Susan Mihalic

August 30, 2010 08:38 AM

That so-called "mean girl" dynamic saddens me to no end. I remember it well. It was rampant in elementary school, aimed directly at me in high school, and dissipated by college. My unanswered question has always been Why? What primal instinct is at work when those things happen? And why do some girls continue the behavior long after they become adults? I wish I knew, but I know for sure that you outgrew the gang mentality shortly after that incident. That's just not the Sharon you've become.

Lezlie

L in the Southeast

August 30, 2010 09:05 AM

Thank you to all who have come by and will come by. I am about to leave on a "writing vacation" of sorts. My husband has a conference to attend and I am going with him to write without distractions.

This story have been sitting in me for awhile. There is more. There is why Karen was the way she was. I found out some things then and realize more now. Things are never simple.

I did apologize to the Tall One when we were in high school. We never became friends but by then I was in a worse social position than she was.

The guilt of this is not crippling. It is a reminder to me to not think for one moment I am better than anyone else.

Blessings...
Sharon

Mimetalker

August 30, 2010 09:20 AM

Very heavy stuff, but so good to finally purge your psyche a bit. These memories can haunt us for sure. Your telling of this incident is so clear and relatable. So many times we just wish we could go back and undo or otherwise find a way to reconnect and apologize. Your words here are so honest and vulnerable. It brings back one memory for me of being viciously attacked by one girl in grammar school in the playground that left scars on one side of my face for years. Never thought they'd disappear but they did. The memory will last forever. Your post is both haunting and very healing.

Cathy GF

August 30, 2010 09:39 AM

What I find sad is that we can find adults who act the very same way as these little girls.

David McClain

August 30, 2010 10:07 AM

Lovely story. I was confused in the beginning -- couldn't figure out which girl was which. I think it would be good to introduce "The Tall One" moniker early on to make it clear. Other than that, wow, what a powerful, well-written story.

I had a classmate who killed himself because of bullying.

Jowita Bydlowska

August 30, 2010 10:38 AM

Mean girls morph as the charismatic ones shift their allegiances. My daughter has been both bullied and been bullied. All life lessons. All necessary. Yet break mom's heart.

Linnnn

August 30, 2010 11:01 AM

I'm glad you wrote about this. I was glad to be able to read it because you write of those moments so clearly.

mypsyche

August 30, 2010 11:24 AM

Nicely done. Brought to mind my own trouble with bullies - the best stories do that, don't they. I used to think that those girls picked me b/c I'm weak, and I used to say that being bullied made me strong. But my friend Michelle opined something that made me rethink all of that - "They picked you because you were strong alone, and they were only strong in numbers - they were too weak to handle what the dished out, and they knew it."

Sandra Stephens

August 30, 2010 01:04 PM

This is one story I'd not heard before.... understandable... we all have stories buried somewhere. Good that you can release it.

moviegeekjn

August 30, 2010 01:17 PM

I put a whole tube of invisible Super Glue with melted butter on my second grade girl Friends swing seat. It is best to confess our nasty deeds.
I put sheep lanolin on my door handles because I use to live with a snoop.
She grew up in Manhattan and both parents worked for a international law firm. What a doomed to fail combination? Orphan at twelve,
Mom on the Vanderbuilt bloodline (penniless? - maybe the lawyers who were executers of the death-will-deed did take a hoe, rake, and pick-shovel?
She was a orphan at twelve,
and bless her heart and Soul.
on & 0n. My war trauma too?
A Father was from West Virginia.
I never did meet my wife's parents.
My wife's Mother died in a hospital.
Her Father died two months earlier.
I am saying`Get in touch with `Life.
Examine Self. No self-loath. Forgive.
`
No put duck tape on duck bills. Quack.
Duck never seem bored. Seagull squeal.
I feel like dipping for potato in seweed.
goofy.
It can be sad.
Life is one `sigh.
Let's see `Beauty.
Focus on `Healing.
Holy is never `Complete.
Death is final `Clanks O.
I love the sound of teeth.
False teeth clank if drop!

Art James

August 30, 2010 03:40 PM

I was that tall one, of course never a model, but picked on for my height, my boobs...I know how hard this had to be to write but also remember you were but a child. You learned from it. It's okay to let it go..

Lunchlady 2

August 30, 2010 05:37 PM

Sharon, Your stories are a treasure.

Cranky Cuss

August 30, 2010 06:33 PM

I know how you must have felt Sharon. Acknowledging, accepting and releasing is the way free yourself of the ghosts. ~rated

FusunA

August 30, 2010 08:50 PM

You told it very well. I understand why you do not want to forget your own history. r

hugs, me

August 30, 2010 09:55 PM

Sorry I'm late Mime. I'm always playing catch-up lately.
Another well-written, well-told account that allows a little peak into your life. Your honesty is so refreshing.