Some years ago I got a phone call informing me that the cell tower antenna array I ordered from China had arrived and was waiting at some port in Seattle.
The only problem was that I had not ordered an antenna array. I informed the caller of that fact. She thanked me and hung up.
The next day I received another phone call informing me that my cell tower antenna array had arrived.
I said "yes, I got that call yesterday. The problem is that I didn't order an antenna array. You must have the wrong contact number."
The caller replied "I'm very sorry about that. We'll get the right number."
The next day I was informed that my antenna array had arrived. . . . This went on for about a week. Finally I asked for the name of the company that ordered the item and gave them a call.
Me: "Hello, my name is Mishima666 [name changed to protect the innocent]. Your company ordered an antenna array from China. It has arrived, but you don't know that. That's because the shipping company keeps calling me about it. But I didn't order it, and I don't know anything about it. They have the wrong number."
Company: "I see."
Me: "I've told them for a week that they have the wrong number, but it never does any good. If I get another call from them I'm going to ask them to deliver the antenna array to my home address. I've always wanted an antenna array, and this seems like a great opportunity to get one, especially since you guys paid for it."
Company: [long pause] "Please don't do that. We'll take care of it. I'm very sorry for your trouble."
I never heard anything about the antenna array again. But that would not be the only wrong number.
About three years ago I got a call on my cell phone. The caller had a thick Indian accent. It went something like this:
Indian Caller: "This is John from Hell Computers [name changed to protect the guilty]. I'm sorry to inform you that your computer order has been delayed."
Me: "I didn't order any computers. You must have the wrong number."
Indian Caller: "Are you Mr. Kim?"
Me: "No, I'm not."
Indian Caller: "I'm sorry to bother you."
A few days later I got another call, also from India or Bangladesh or some damned place:
Caller: "This is Mary from Hell Computers. I'm sorry, but your computer order has been delayed."
Me: "Ok, this is a mistake. You have the wrong phone number. I didn't order any computers, I don't know anything about the computers, and I don't know Mr. Kim."
Caller: "Do you know how we can contact Mr. Kim?"
Me: "NO! Listen, I know nothing about this. I'm not Mr. Kim. I don't know Mr. Kim. I know nothing about him. You have the wrong phone number in your system. You need to find the right number and change it in your system."
Caller: "I'm sorry to bother you. I will change the number."
A few days later I got the same phone call. I said please, please, change the number in your system. You have the wrong number listed. The caller replied "we don't have any way to change the number." I hung up.
This went on for several weeks. At one point I got Mr. Kim's order number and went on the Hell Computer web site to see if I could get any information on Mr. Kim, but was unable to log into his account.
Finally I got the name and email address of the Hell Computer sales rep that handled Mr. Kim's account. I sent him an email begging him to change the phone number. The email didn't bounce so I assume I had a valid address.
The phone calls continued. One day I ended up with four voice mails on my cell phone informing me that my order had been delayed, apparently one call for each computer on the order.
Finally I got a call from someone who sounded American, perhaps Hell Computer's only American employee.
Caller: "Hello, this is Jane from Hell Computers. Is this Mr. Kim?"
Me: "Yes, it is."
Caller: "I'm sorry to tell you that your computer order has been delayed."
Me: "HA! I'm not Mr. Kim! I lied to you!"
Caller, in a voice tinged with outrage: "What! You can't just go around impersonating other people!"
Me: "Lady, I have been getting these calls for weeks! You have the wrong number in your system. I have tried everything to get you to change the number. I have pleaded. I have grovelled. I have begged on bended knee for you to change the number. I sent an email. But nothing works! So what more can I do? YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Caller: "I see. I'm sorry about that. I will make sure that the number is changed."
A few days later I got another phone call, this one again with an Indian accent. By this time the calls have gone on for almost two months . . .
Caller: "Hello, this is Maria from Hell Computers. May I speak to Mr. Kim."
Me: "This is Mr. Kim."
Caller: "I'm sorry to inform you that your order has been delayed."
Me: "I see. This is order 5439870, right?"
Caller: "Yes, that's correct."
Me: "There has been quite a delay. I really can't wait any longer. I'm just going to buy the computers locally. Please cancel my order."
Caller: "I'm very sorry Mr. Kim. I'll cancel the order, and thank you for shopping with Hell Computers."
I never heard anything after that.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Tom Cordle
Paul J. O'Rourke
Rick Lucke
Whindbagg
Kanuk
Mick Arran
Salon.com
Comments
Bastard!
And how a large company such as Hell Computers could have such bad service and over such a long period of time is also baffling.
My wife and I then speculated about how they could manage to stay in business behaving so stupidly. Our best guess is that the company has a contract in which they promise to actively try to collect from some number of people, but that this is divorced from the actual collection of money. It's perfect.
I think you handled it just right!
I heard on the financial report on OPB that companies (Dell) are now offering call service which is not foreign-based. For a fee, of course.
I recently had a customer service issue with a major US email provider (not M$) and they refused to deal with me by email... I had to use FAXes..... which were sent by my computer after scanning them in... where I could do all the same manipulations they were afraid of...
Should have kept the cell tower.
And congrats on the Cover. You look all cool and mystery up there.
Years ago my father took a bad check at his business for several hundred dollars. It bounced.
So he called the bank merchant check verification number. It told him the $500 check would not clear. He hung up, call back and found out that a $490 check would not clear. On the third attempt he found out a check for $480 would clear.
So off to the bank we go. Filled out a deposit slip with the numbers off the check and made a $20 deposit. He handed the deposit to the teller with $20 and asked that she post it. As soon as she did, he handed her the $500 check which she was happy to cash for him.
He figured he would rather lose $20 of his profit than the whole $500.
Sure it's tough for some pizza customers but I always saw it as the price of doing business with unreasonable jerks.
I'm sorry to be contacting you through the internet, but it is important you be informed that your computer order has been delayed.
M. Chariot
- The Man Wearing Sunglasses at Night
Apparently this got back to the store because the number was removed from directory assistance soon after...
Obviously you are Bel0ved Leader Kim Jong II and you are hiding your Benevolent Visage from prying western eyes while ensuring the continued technological superiority of this wonderful country. Thank you,
Your Unworthy Servant
1) Calls per hour. If they spend three minutes correcting your problem they look bad. so they note it in a log and move on. The only time they are encouraged to spend more tim with a customer is when they ...
2) Upsell. They are allowed to spend more time with you if it sounds like you are interested in buying another computer.
;0
peaches
love love love and gratitude for a good laugh and your wonderful writing.
I liked your solution to your particuar problem!