For my upcoming book, Meatloaf Muffins: Tales of A Reluctant Foodie, I’m trying to contact celebrity chefs and ask them some questions they don’t typically get. I did a trial run with (a very patient) noted Minneapolis chef Bret Bannon…if any of you know a celebrity chef that would be willing to answer a few oddball questions, lemme know…

1. I didn't know what to ask a real, working chef.
2. I didn't know any real, working chefs.

For the questions, I figured I'd just avoid anything cliche (no "What are the highlights of your career?"--you can look up that stuff online), use a little humor and throw the occasional curveball to get some interesting insight into the culinary mind. As to the second issue, I figured it would make sense to start with someone local, and thankfully a dear friend was able to introduce me to Bret Bannon.

In addition to being a top-notch chef and teacher and a familiar face on local television, 'Bret Bannon' is a great name. Sounds like a private-eye in a morally ambiguous film noir--"NOBODY double-crosses Bret Bannon!" Or maybe the 'by day' identity of a superhero, as in "By day, he's mild mannered culinary instructor Bret Bannon--by night, he's known as..." Well, I'll come up with a superhero name.

photo: courtesy Bret Bannon (bretstable.com)

In addition to teaching privately and serving on the faculty at Cooks of Crocus Hill (hey, add the word 'Real' at the beginning and you've got a cable series!) , Bret has worked at the Park Avenue Cafe in New York and apprenticed with noted chocalatier BT McElrath. He also leads well-regarded culinary tours of France.

Despite telling me at one point "I don't have a funny bone in my body" (something I might have wanted to know before I asked him a bunch of comedy questions), he was charming and handled our off-kilter interview with aplomb. Here are some excerpts from our chat:

I started by asking him what kind of music he listens to when he's cooking:

"I generally don't listen to music when I'm cooking." Okay. Maybe that wasn't the ice-breaker I thought it would be. He added "If there are people over, I would rather have conversation, and not have to try to talk over music." Fine, I just won't bring the karaoke machine."

"What was the first meal you ever cooked for someone important to you?"

"Mother's Day breakfast for my mom." He didn't remember what the meal comprised, but he remembered what went horribly wrong--"I made coffee, and it looked a little weak...so I added instant coffee...it was awful."

I think it's comforting for the average cook at home to realize that everyone who cooks makes mistakes, so I asked him to tell me about his worst kitchen disaster.

"I tried a new recipe...and cooked the caramel too long...it was like cement." For some perspective, I've caused a blender to explode, covering my kitchen in corn goop, and I've dropped an entire meatloaf minutes before serving. But I still think we bonded on that one.

"If, for the rest of your life, you could only use one spice in your cooking (not counting salt and pepper), what would it be?"

After some thought, he picked 'garam masala.' I didn't learn until after the interview that 'garam masala' is actually a blend of spices, and that, for example,  the Punjabi version typically includes black and white peppercorns, cloves, malabar leaves, mace blades, black and white cumin seeds, cinnamon, black, brown and green cardamom pods, nutmeg, star anise and coriander seeds. I'm sure he knew that, and was just dodging my hard-hitting line of questioning.Very crafty, Mr. Bannon. Very crafty indeed.

He didn't hesitate when I asked him his favorite utensil (surprisingly, it wasn't the Zoom Flavor Marinator as seen on TV)--

"A chef's knife." "Armed with only his chef's knife, our superhero sets out to avenge culinary injustice and serve cooking criminals their just desserts"--sorry, still thinking about the comic book idea.

"If you had a time machine, where, and in what historical era, would you like to be a cook?"

The 'where' was easy, since I knew he loved France, but with this disclaimer, "I don't know if I'd want to be a cook during Louie XIV's era, I'd rather be a participant," and rather than press him for which side he would have been on, we just agreed it would be at some time post-revolution.

"A wealthy benefactor wants you to cook one dish that best represents your style and your strengths. What do you cook?"

A pause, and then "Probably...a cassoulet." I started thinking about this marvelous, hearty Provencal stew when--I had it!  That's our superhero's name--Captain Cassoulet!!! Now I just have to design a cape, and a toque with special powers!

To give things a local spin, I ended the interview by asking him how he might put a gourmet spin on the Minnesota classic known and beloved as Tater Tot Hotdish. At first, he was seemingly forthcoming...

"I'd probably make my own tater tots. If I remember correctly, you grate the potatoes, and then you add a little bit of gelatine, then you hydrate it, then you roll it with any other spices into a cylinder that's about an inch in diameter; then you refrigerate it, and you cut it, and you deep fry them. Thanks for taking all the magic out of tater tots for me. Of course, these are probably fancy, garam masala tots...still something didn't seem quite right. That's when the bombshell came--"I've actually never made tater tot hotdish."

Quelle horreur! Finally, after minutes of exhaustive research and relentless digging, I had uncovered some dirt! I could sell this to the Enquirer! I can see the headlines now:

TWIN CITIES CHEF CONFESSES--

"I'VE NEVER MADE TATER TOT HOTDISH!"

 For the complete interview, go to MeatloafMuffins.com --and don't forget to check out Bret's Table ...