I haven’t posted anything lately, because I’ve spent the last three weeks on a much needed…nervous breakdown. And while I was in the middle of it, I didn't feel particularly funny.

This wasn't my first time dealing with anxiety. Several years ago, I called a friend because I was… Read full post »

It was a couple of weeks after my then-friend Kevin had called me and said “Turn on the TV—we’re under attack.” Now, I’m not a morning person, so my first instinct was to hang up. But then I started to assemble the words into some sort of sense—we’re…u… Read full post »

I’m almost fifty years old, and I’m teaching myself how to cook. What’s weird is that I’ve loved the idea of cooking for many years, but for various reasons, until recently, my most advanced culinary exploits involved making an omelet. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve defr… Read full post »

Haven’t posted anything in a couple of weeks, as I’ve been in the process of finding a studio apartment and getting settled. Settled—weird word, since it’s usually a negative (“You settled for this when you could’ve had that?”) Now, I have choice anxiety with… Read full post »

I haven’t posted anything for a while. I’ve been busy making plans for the end of the world, which, as your Mayan friends will tell you, is scheduled for December 21^st, 2012.

I typically don't buy into 'end of the world' scenarios, since, it seems to me, they're usually… Read full post »

I'm a sucker for award shows. If the American Society of Certified Public Accountants gave out awards, and they televised a handful of celebrities giving out said awards on a big stage with a curtain, I would watch. And in every awards telecast, there's always one transcendently bizarre moment that m… Read full post »

Recently, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the world's problems, and frankly I was stumped. Don't get me wrong-- I came up with a lot of answers to life's big questions (what God would call 'hot-button issues' if God were in marketing)-- but I thought nobody would actually listen… Read full post »

I have not had sex in five years. While I'd like to attribute this to my incredibly high standards, there may in fact be other reasons for this drought. When I was a younger man, I filled these dry spells with soul-searching, personal growth work, and porn. I never went to… Read full post »

I've finally gotten old enough to get away with being cranky. See, I've always been cranky, but now that I'm almost fifty, I realize I'm gonna start getting cut slack for being a cranky old guy. I can now be the guy in line muttering angry shit about--anything. I can pull/… Read full post »

I'm in a very transitional place right now. I have been quarter-heartedly looking for a new soul-sucking, mind-numbing underpaid office job with no benefits, and though I have emailed over two hundred resumes, so far--no response. Admittedly, my resume is a bit thin. I'm forty-eight, and have worked… Read full post »

If you happened to read my previous post, you know that I attempted to move to New York. Turns out, I ran out of couches on which to crash before I was able to start generating income (I knew it was a long shot), but it was a great experience, and… Read full post »