mistercomedy

mistercomedy
Location
Minneapolis, Minnesota,
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Michael Dane is America's favorite middle-aged, Jewish, bisexual social satirist. Or, at least one of them. Often referring to himself in the third person, he used to do standup comedy on the road, but now he just writes down funny things. His book of food humor, called "Does This Taste Funny? A Half-Baked Look at Food and Foodies," is available at Amazon.com

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AUGUST 27, 2011 12:34AM

the world according to stan

I’m sure this next statement will cause me to lose any respect I may have gained from actual foodies along the way, but here goes: ‘gourmet comfort food’ is a stupid concept. I was raised on comfort food, and I’ve since learned to appreciate the nuances of fine dining… Read full post »

AUGUST 22, 2011 10:53PM

the girlfriend draws the line

I’ve been pretty lucky during my ongoing cooking adventure, in that The Girlfriend has been almost entirely supportive. She’s been willing to try every crazy idea I’ve suggested, even the ones that came with disclaimers:

“I think this should taste alright—if not I can… Read full post »
AUGUST 20, 2011 11:06PM

a pain in the neck

If you’re following along at home, you’ll remember I visited a neurologist recently to find out why my body seems to be breaking down like a car with a just-expired warranty. Like any older car, it’s a little sluggish to respond (especially in winter), and I’ve definitely… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 11, 2011 12:12PM

out of your comfort (food) zone

In music, ‘fusion’ refers to a blending of genres, like the jazz-rock fusion of Pat Metheny, or the jazz-crap fusion of Kenny G.  ‘Fusion,’ in physics, is the process by which two or more atomic nuclei join together to form a single heavier nucleus. Or, it’s how you… Read full post »

AUGUST 6, 2011 2:03PM

all the music you can eat

British author and philosopher G.K. Chesterton once said, “Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.” Coincidentally, an anonymous violinist in London once said, “Screw Chesterton. I wouldn’t invite him over for dinner anyway.” Me--I love music w… Read full post »

AUGUST 1, 2011 6:01PM

modern, schmodern

Unlike your typical fifty-something, I’d go so far as to say, overall, I’m in favor of progress. I have plenty of tech toys and gadgets that allow me to do literally dozens of things I didn’t know I needed to do. And, I actually know how to use most… Read full post »

JULY 31, 2011 10:01PM

i made a damned pie!

Until yesterday, I had an irrational fear of something most cooks take in stride…baking (for anyone who thought the answer would be ‘blowing up the kitchen in yet another experiment,’ that’s not an irrational fear.) Baking, though–that’s scary. I’m not afr… Read full post »

JULY 25, 2011 12:44AM

seeing a guy about a thing...

I saw a neurologist today, and by that, I don’t mean I spotted one from a distance (“Look, there’s one now!”)—I had an appointment. If you know me, you know that I’m dealing with some health issues, and I’m irrationally afraid of going to doctors. But, tha… Read full post »

JULY 21, 2011 12:14AM

kitchen hubris

I should be planning dinner now, but all I can think about is how hot it is. In addition to the heat, the dew point makes it feel like you’re in a Tennessee Williams play. A bad high school production of a Tennessee Williams play. In the multi-purpose… Read full post »

JULY 14, 2011 10:31AM

behind the cooking

The title of this piece makes it sound like a VH-1 style docuentary about a celebrity chef …“Next on ‘Behind the Cooking’—Paula Deen’s heart-wrenching journey from heroin addiction to ham hock soup.” That’s not where I’m going with this. And f… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 12, 2011 1:02AM

what do you call that?

I used to have an easy answer if someone asked me, “So, what do you do?” I was a comic. Just two syllables–pointed, like a killer comedy bit. Now, it’s not so easy. Now that I'm not performing a lot, I either have to be way too broad,… Read full post »

JULY 1, 2011 1:42AM

careful with that blowfish

Ever since I traded ‘being crippled by anxiety disorder’ for ‘teaching myself how to cook,’ (I think I come out ahead there) I’ve started to read more about food instead of, you know, just eating it. And there are parts of the foodie ‘scene’ about which I had… Read full post »

JUNE 27, 2011 7:32PM

fine. i'll see a doctor.

I've never been too worried about my age, and I'm sure when asked "When did you first start feeling old?," everyone can point to something different. For me, the first time I sensed a ticking clock was one day about a year ago, when I looked at my hands. See, youRead full post »

JUNE 20, 2011 4:50PM

i confess--sometimes i cheat

The more I’ve cooked, the more adventurous my cooking experiments have become. I’m not exactly making oxtail soup, but if dinner at home used to be Denny’s, now it’s a little more Applebee’s. Minus the mozzarella sticks and annoyingly friendly waiters.

Some people en… Read full post »

JUNE 17, 2011 1:44PM

Elmer (repost for Father's Day)

Weird name, Elmer. It probably sounded old-fashioned a hundred years ago. But I knew an Elmer once, only thirty years ago. He was my step-dad.

I never knew my biological father, and I deliberately use the word ‘biological’ and not ‘real.’ The man who was ‘really&rsquo… Read full post »

JUNE 16, 2011 12:53AM

found in translation

I recently joined a Facebook group dedicated to my high school, and as we chatted back and forth, the names of my teachers came spinning at me like calendar pages in a film noir. Then I realized that, while I remembered the teachers, I wasn’t as able to… Read full post »

I've never done the 'reposting' thing, but in honor of Bob's 70th, here's a piece from the future...


 The most eagerly-anticipated new album of 2035 was released this week, as ninety-four year old Bob Dylan's “The Bootleg Series Vol. 12: Crap I Never Planned To Release” hit the airw/…

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For some reason, my neighborhood has more labradoodles than most. Makes me wonder if there’s some kind of canine genetic engineering facility in Uptown, disguised as a Vietnamese restaurant or a bike repair shop.

I don’t usually weigh in on bioethical issues, being a comedy writer, an… Read full post »

MAY 24, 2011 9:11AM

dropping the meatloaf

I realize the title of this piece sounds like it could be some old-timey cliche (“Yeah, Jim in sales really ‘dropped the meatloaf’ on the Jenkins account”). Now, regular readers of my column will realize that this marks at least the third thing I’ve written that has s… Read full post »

APRIL 29, 2011 12:56PM

measuring up

As much as I’ve learned about cooking in the last year, one thing is preventing me from getting to the next level. No matter how good one of my ‘dinner experiments’ turns out, I’ll probably never be able to make that dish again. Oh, we’ll have something similar,… Read full post »

APRIL 27, 2011 7:45PM

kitchen mistakes

Since I do all the cooking for myself and the girlfriend, she only sees the finished product, not the (somewhat messy) process. This started of necessity, because for some reason, in the kitchen I turn into my mother, and I can’t stand anyone in

Read full post »

It's a little known fact that several famous authors, at one time or another, tried their hands at writing cookbooks. After exhaustive research, I have unearthed rare correspondance between these authors and their publishers, indicating the passion some of the history’s greatest writers felt… Read full post »

APRIL 8, 2011 5:09PM

yet another cooking adventure...

For the past year or so, I’ve been immersing myself in an extensive culinary crash course. OK, that’s not exactly true. The real truth is that I decided, as a kind of hands-on therapy for anxiety disorder, to teach myself to cook, with the help of Google and… Read full post »

Birthdays are funny things. I know, because I’ve had fifty-one of them. Frankly, I’m not sure I plan to have any others—don’t panic--I still intend to get older, I’m just done counting birthdays.

Certain ‘big deal’ birthdays were less than ‘big deals&… Read full post »

OCTOBER 6, 2010 5:00PM

funny, you don't look peevish...

I’ve never catalogued all of my pet peeves, but I have quite a collection. Having pet peeves is great for killing time—sorta like having an actual pet, but with no cleanup, or having a hobby without having to buy glue and construction paper.

Most of my peeves relate to language.… Read full post »