Ok, so this isn't my latest comedy post. You'll be able to tell by the end of it because it won't have been funny. This is a big fat thank you to graphics god rictresa for giving me a brandspankin' new banner for my collection of random weirdness here. All  i… Read full post »

 In the clearest sign yet of the harsh new economic reality, the Justice League of America has disbanded. The ad hoc group of Superheroes© has filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy protection and will, for the immediate future, no longer be available to defend Earth from evildoers. According to a… Read full post »

First, a disclaimer. I do not believe that all Texans are idiots. It would be unfair of me to suggest that all Texans are stupid. I do feel safe in saying that the Texas State Legislature has lost its collective mind.

First, they unanimously passed a law allowing Texans to carry… Read full post »

Since many writers here (some far more talented than I) have weighed in recently on matters of grammar, spelling and punctuation, I feel I must confess--I am addicted to ellipses...

I think I first saw the power of the magical three dots when I would read Larry… Read full post »

actual news item

With a $1.5 million budget, an endowment whose value has fallen 40 percent,  and a decrease in ticket sales and corporate donations, the Duluth Superior Symphony Orchestra "is heading toward an annual deficit that last week stood at $69,000." Its "final two programs of this… Read full post »

I have not had sex in five years. While I'd like to attribute this to my incredibly high standards, there may in fact be other reasons for this drought. When I was a younger man, I filled these dry spells with soul-searching, personal growth work, and porn. I never went to… Read full post »

I've finally gotten old enough to get away with being cranky. See, I've always been cranky, but now that I'm almost fifty, I realize I'm gonna start getting cut slack for being a cranky old guy. I can now be the guy in line muttering angry shit about--anything. I can pull/… Read full post »

I'm in a very transitional place right now. I have been quarter-heartedly looking for a new soul-sucking, mind-numbing underpaid office job with no benefits, and though I have emailed over two hundred resumes, so far--no response. Admittedly, my resume is a bit thin. I'm forty-eight, and have worked… Read full post »

 early drafts of

GREAT SPEECHES

 IN HISTORY

Ah, to say just the right phrase. To string together in concise fashion the perfect mix of sentiment and meaning--to galvanize the assembled masses. My guess is that, if the average person landed on the moon, he… Read full post »

I'm amazed that newspapers still carry horoscopes. I mean it's not like there's an alchemy column, or like the police blotter lists witch sightings--you can't find a palm-reading report in your Sunday paper. But people still read their horoscopes.

I stopped reading my horoscope when I realized it wa… Read full post »

I realize the title of this piece implies some sort of deep ontological questioning--sorry, it's actually just me being neurotic...See, I joined Open Salon  a couple months ago, and now, suddenly, I'm not sure if I should be here. I feel a bit like I'm back to being the nerd I… Read full post »

I believe there's not nearly enough anger in the world. OK, not really. But I do think a lot of society's problems go unsolved because nobody gets angry about them. Righteous anger.

So I figure, maybe people need to practice getting angry. Find some little things to get angry about,… Read full post »

I don't sleep too well these days. I think it's because I'm a news junkie. I am addicted to news. I have bookmarked thirty-five online newspapers (current favorites include the North Korean News Agency and the Moose Jaw Times-Herald ) and on cable I'm usually flipping between Headline News and MSNBC.… Read full post »

OK, so I know I've posted twice already today, and I'm really not just trying to clog the feed with my stuff, but Catamite's great game with novels and headlines (still not clear on how to do a link here) inspired me to take a page from Alex Trebek's book, so...… Read full post »

So, the move to New York is on hold for now, and I'm in Minnesota. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that a friend is putting me up while I figure out where to land next on my wacky mid-life bohemian adventure. But I think as I get older, I'm… Read full post »

I watch a lot of tv, and I have fond memories of fall. Every fall as a kid I remember the TV Guide Fall Preview Issue, when times were simpler and there was a hell of a lot less to watch. You kinda felt like if a new show was gonna… Read full post »

for no particular reason, i don't typically weigh in on "what is your favorite..." memes, but since i can't think of anything particularly original tonight (or because i'm inordinately lazy), i thought i'd play along...

now i'm sure i'll lose whatever faint artistic cred i have with this choice, but… Read full post »

Apparently I'm confused. Now I'll grant you, I'm old enough to remember when 'reality' and 'tv' were two different things. But apparently, congressional leaders investigating abuses in the war on terror believe that the Fox series '24' may have led to actual human rights violations. Well, stop it. I… Read full post »

If you happened to read my previous post, you know that I attempted to move to New York. Turns out, I ran out of couches on which to crash before I was able to start generating income (I knew it was a long shot), but it was a great experience, and… Read full post »

Well, since I last posted here, a lot has happened. In my last rambling piece, I mentioned that I was at something of a crossroads. Well, I cast the die, crossed the Rubicon, took that one small step, threw caution to the wind, and apparently had some cliches lying around I… Read full post »

I thoroughly enjoyed the back-and-forth recently about why people write for Open Salon even though they aren't being paid. I think it's probably for the same reasons people have sex without being paid, but that's for another piece. I post here because this is the most intriguing, responsive and nurtu… Read full post »

I love all of God’s creatures. In theory. I don’t however, want to live with any of them in my apartment, particularly tiny animals that  scurry or skitter or crawl. A large animal, if it somehow got into my apartment, would, at most, scare the hell out of you the first… Read full post »