mistercomedy

mistercomedy
Location
Minneapolis, Minnesota,
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Michael Dane is America's favorite middle-aged, Jewish, bisexual social satirist. Or, at least one of them. Often referring to himself in the third person, he used to do standup comedy on the road, but now he just writes down funny things. His book of food humor, called "Does This Taste Funny? A Half-Baked Look at Food and Foodies," is available at Amazon.com

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So I went to the men's equivalent of the My Virtual Model site--very bizarre--when it asked me to pick a face i uploaded the comedy mask (don't these people understand symbolism?)  and tried to draw a goatee and mustache on it...then I picked out some clothes-kinda casual with a bit of… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 9, 2009 1:37PM

society's problems, solved by me!

Recently, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the world's problems, and frankly I was stumped. Don't get me wrong-- I came up with a lot of answers to life's big questions (what God would call 'hot-button issues' if God were in marketing)-- but I thought nobody would actually listen… Read full post »

APRIL 8, 2009 5:41PM

multinational stupidity

It's not news that this country has gotten dumber. What's frightening to me is how we've become a country that embraces dumb. I think most people would agree that a country is best judged by its tv game shows, and today, the three most popular are "Wheel of Fortune," "Deal or/… Read full post »

APRIL 7, 2009 1:51AM

a nice jewish goy

I was not raised in a religious family. My mother was nominally an Episcopalian, but she hadn't been to church for years, and my father was a Catholic who stopped attending Mass when the Church stopped speaking Latin. Since I had been intellectually precocious from an early age, they never pushed… Read full post »

APRIL 2, 2009 12:29AM

god's press conference

I had a vision recently. I had been meditating, focus my energies on spiritual things, purging all thoughts of self and embracing the cosmos, and...smoking a little weed. Anyway, what came to me in this vision was the transcript of a sort of 'press conference' held by God. As God's vessel,… Read full post »

Ok, so this isn't my latest comedy post. You'll be able to tell by the end of it because it won't have been funny. This is a big fat thank you to graphics god rictresa for giving me a brandspankin' new banner for my collection of random weirdness here. All  i… Read full post »

MARCH 31, 2009 2:29AM

who will bail out the superheroes?

 In the clearest sign yet of the harsh new economic reality, the Justice League of America has disbanded. The ad hoc group of Superheroes© has filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy protection and will, for the immediate future, no longer be available to defend Earth from evildoers. According to a… Read full post »

MARCH 28, 2009 2:01AM

even ignorance is bigger in texas

First, a disclaimer. I do not believe that all Texans are idiots. It would be unfair of me to suggest that all Texans are stupid. I do feel safe in saying that the Texas State Legislature has lost its collective mind.

First, they unanimously passed a law allowing Texans to carry… Read full post »

MARCH 22, 2009 6:17PM

Help! I'm running out of ellipses...

Since many writers here (some far more talented than I) have weighed in recently on matters of grammar, spelling and punctuation, I feel I must confess--I am addicted to ellipses...

I think I first saw the power of the magical three dots when I would read Larry… Read full post »

actual news item

With a $1.5 million budget, an endowment whose value has fallen 40 percent,  and a decrease in ticket sales and corporate donations, the Duluth Superior Symphony Orchestra "is heading toward an annual deficit that last week stood at $69,000." Its "final two programs of this… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
MARCH 16, 2009 10:37PM

i need to get laid--an open call

I have not had sex in five years. While I'd like to attribute this to my incredibly high standards, there may in fact be other reasons for this drought. When I was a younger man, I filled these dry spells with soul-searching, personal growth work, and porn. I never went to… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 14, 2009 4:34PM

you kids get out of my yard!

I've finally gotten old enough to get away with being cranky. See, I've always been cranky, but now that I'm almost fifty, I realize I'm gonna start getting cut slack for being a cranky old guy. I can now be the guy in line muttering angry shit about--anything. I can pull/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 13, 2009 4:23PM

nice work if you can get it

I'm in a very transitional place right now. I have been quarter-heartedly looking for a new soul-sucking, mind-numbing underpaid office job with no benefits, and though I have emailed over two hundred resumes, so far--no response. Admittedly, my resume is a bit thin. I'm forty-eight, and have worked… Read full post »

MARCH 12, 2009 7:54PM

an oratorical history of america

 early drafts of

GREAT SPEECHES

 IN HISTORY

Ah, to say just the right phrase. To string together in concise fashion the perfect mix of sentiment and meaning--to galvanize the assembled masses. My guess is that, if the average person landed on the moon, he… Read full post »

I'm amazed that newspapers still carry horoscopes. I mean it's not like there's an alchemy column, or like the police blotter lists witch sightings--you can't find a palm-reading report in your Sunday paper. But people still read their horoscopes.

I stopped reading my horoscope when I realized it wa… Read full post »

MARCH 11, 2009 2:39AM

do i belong here?

I realize the title of this piece implies some sort of deep ontological questioning--sorry, it's actually just me being neurotic...See, I joined Open Salon  a couple months ago, and now, suddenly, I'm not sure if I should be here. I feel a bit like I'm back to being the nerd I… Read full post »

I believe there's not nearly enough anger in the world. OK, not really. But I do think a lot of society's problems go unsolved because nobody gets angry about them. Righteous anger.

So I figure, maybe people need to practice getting angry. Find some little things to get angry about,… Read full post »

MARCH 4, 2009 10:05PM

no news is good news

I don't sleep too well these days. I think it's because I'm a news junkie. I am addicted to news. I have bookmarked thirty-five online newspapers (current favorites include the North Korean News Agency and the Moose Jaw Times-Herald ) and on cable I'm usually flipping between Headline News and MSNBC.… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 27, 2009 8:54PM

movies--before and after

OK, so I know I've posted twice already today, and I'm really not just trying to clog the feed with my stuff, but Catamite's great game with novels and headlines (still not clear on how to do a link here) inspired me to take a page from Alex Trebek's book, so...… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 27, 2009 5:15PM

thundersnow and freezing fog

So, the move to New York is on hold for now, and I'm in Minnesota. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that a friend is putting me up while I figure out where to land next on my wacky mid-life bohemian adventure. But I think as I get older, I'm… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 27, 2009 2:16PM

pitch meeting

I watch a lot of tv, and I have fond memories of fall. Every fall as a kid I remember the TV Guide Fall Preview Issue, when times were simpler and there was a hell of a lot less to watch. You kinda felt like if a new show was gonna… Read full post »

for no particular reason, i don't typically weigh in on "what is your favorite..." memes, but since i can't think of anything particularly original tonight (or because i'm inordinately lazy), i thought i'd play along...

now i'm sure i'll lose whatever faint artistic cred i have with this choice, but… Read full post »

Apparently I'm confused. Now I'll grant you, I'm old enough to remember when 'reality' and 'tv' were two different things. But apparently, congressional leaders investigating abuses in the war on terror believe that the Fox series '24' may have led to actual human rights violations. Well, stop it. I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 16, 2009 8:16PM

to all the towns i've loved before

If you happened to read my previous post, you know that I attempted to move to New York. Turns out, I ran out of couches on which to crash before I was able to start generating income (I knew it was a long shot), but it was a great experience, and… Read full post »

Well, since I last posted here, a lot has happened. In my last rambling piece, I mentioned that I was at something of a crossroads. Well, I cast the die, crossed the Rubicon, took that one small step, threw caution to the wind, and apparently had some cliches lying around I… Read full post »