Dear Congress,

I have to work late tonight, and there's nothing for dinner. Please stop by the grocery store, and pick up the things on the list.  See you when I get home. Love you!  --MJ    

Bread (wheat)

Milk (2%)

Eggs

Lean ground beef

Rice

Red kidney beans

Yogurt

Fresh fruit and vegetables (whatever looks freshest)

Crackers

Cheese (cheddar)

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“This list isn't right,” said The House, taking a long hit from a gravity bong.

 “Yeah,” replied The Senate who was delicately filing his fingernails, “utter waste. Not at all what we need."

“Hey,”cough, cough, cough, “let’s make a new list!”

“Good idea! Here's what I propose:

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 Bread (wheat) (white)

Milk (2%) (skim) (powdered)

Eggs

Lean ground beef

Rice

Red kidney beans

Yogurt

Fresh fruit and Vegatables (whatever looks freshest) Vitamins!

Crackers

Cheese (cheddar)

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“Hmm, I don’t know.  Not quite. How about this”:

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Bread (wheat) (white)

Milk (2%) (skim) (powdered)

Eggs Breakfast Bars

Hungry Man TV dinners (52)

Beenie Weenies (52 cans)

Hot dogs (Nathan’s)

COOKIES! (No cheap stuff! Pepperidge Farms or better)

Bacon

Pepperoni

Bologna (Oscar Mayer—it’s how I spell bologna)

French fries (curly or seasoned)

Coca-cola (24 cans)

Lean ground beef (whatever’s on sale)

Rice

Red kidney beans

Yogurt Ice Cream (Rocky Road!)

Fresh fruit and vegetables (whatever looks freshest) Vitamins!

Crackers Doritos!

Cheese (cheddar) Whiz!

5th of Jack Daniels

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  “Well, I think we can agree to this House. We will certainly be saving MJ some money buying powdered milk and ground beef on sale!”

“It looks good Senate but I think I’d prefer Jim Beam, and we’ll still need crackers or something to go with the Cheese Whiz and pepperoni.”

Fine. Jim Beam it is. And we’ll pick up some Trisciuts for the Cheese Whiz. But you know, I think we should splurge, and go for the DIET cola. It’s better for you.

“Agreed.” They shake hands. “Whew , Senate, I’m beat. That was hard work,” The House said as he loaded a fat, sticky nug into his bong.

“Yes House,” said The Senate, “we’ve done some good work here. Good compromises, I’m sure MJ will be pleased. But there’s no sense in overdoing it, we can go to the grocery tomorrow. Besides it’s already afternoon, the day’s already shot." Senate Paused. “Now, tell me about this “bong” of yours.”