Run Away! It's the Ten Worst Songs of the Decade!
Well, here it is: the ten worst songs of the decade. We were unable to provide a bigger list as there was a lot of dreck released this decade; our heads are hurting, and I have an inexplicable nose bleed.
Make sure you list your own “worst songs of decade” in the comment section!
10. Superman--Five for Fighting (2001)
A soul-killing, brain-sucking, wuss-o-rama ballad that actually causes me physical pain. Watch here.
9. How You Remind Me--Nickelback (2001)
The sad and inevitable knuckleheaded end-point of grunge. Watch Nickelback fail here.
8. American Life--Madonna (2003)
In which Madonna tries to stay relevant. Sigh.
Hey, Madonna, I think I see what you are trying to comment on, but the execution on this song was horrendous. A word of advice, don't brag about how much cool shit you have and how glamorous and successful your life is and then tell us how not satisfied you are. I'm sure it's true. I'm sure your life is very challenging. But here's the thing your Madonnaness: we don't give a fuck—not about your chefs, or your Pilates, or your jet, or your butler, or your nannies, etc. And also, never rap again. Ever. I prefer Lil Jon gettin' crunky with "Get Low" to your Eruo-Trash pop/hip-hop confection. Isn't it time for you to start releasing cover albums? Watch here
7. My Sacrifice--Creed (2002)
Scott Stapp's messiah complex got so bad around the time this song came out that even Bono cringed. Crimminy, the song is called My Sacrifice. Really though, the only thing Stapp sacrificed here was his career. And for that I think we can all say a prayer in thanks.Watch here.
6. Get Low--Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz (2003)
What? The thing about this song is.....what?
Well, in any case I think Chris Rock says it all here.
5. Your Body is a Wonderland--John Mayer (2001)
I know. I know. Mayer has guitar chops. He can play. I'm not going to take that away from him. But this song makes me nauseous. "Discovering me, discovering you"? Really? And then there's this lyrical nugget of romance: "I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase." He loves the "Shape" his partner takes? What does that mean? And did he just try to rhyme "shape" and "take" with "pillowcase"? And why would she be crawling toward the pillowcase? Didn't you even have the decency to first put the pillowcase on the pillow before seducing her? Weak, man. I know this was popular amongst many of the ladies out there, but listen--there's nothing sexy about this song. Mayer comes off merely as inexperienced and wimpy.Watch here.
4. Kyptonite--3 Doors Down (2000)
See #9 Nickelback. Watch here.
3. My Way--Limp Bizket (2000)
Aggro-douchebaginess to the ultra-max. A good song for meatheads to shoot steroids to. Fred Durst uses the dumbest cliché ever as his chorus ("my way or the highway"--yeah, he rhymed "way" with "way") and tries to sound tough. Instead he sounds like a whiney kid demanding mommy to make him dinner.Watch here.
2. Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue (The Angry American)--Toby Keith (2002)
Toby Keith was such an angry American after 9/11 that he joined the Army. Oh, wait. No he didn't. This song is the musical equivalent of a child yelling, "Oh yeah, well my Dad can kick your Dad's ass!" At a time when folks should have been seriously considering the implications of war, millions of Americans were instead screaming "Hey! Let's slap some yellow ribbons on the ol' Suburban, crank up that 'Angry American' song, and head on down to the Wal-Mart! That's how we'll beat 'em by golly!" Watch here.
1. My Humps--Black-Eyed Peas (2005)
Word is that will.i.am was forced to do the "Yes We Can" video as community service for the heinous crime upon the listening public that was "My Humps." Watch here.
BONUS!
Jump in My Car--David Hasselhoff (2006)
Here's one that falls into the "so bad it's brilliant" category. This actually went to #3 in the UK.
So please, whatever you do, don't Hassel the Hoff.
And be sure to check out:
The 50 Best Songs of the Decade
Music’s 20 Biggest Moments
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Comments
Thanks MJ, this was fun.
Thanks for this collection of fairly excruciating songs - most of which were, I would heartily agree, some of the worst of the decade.
Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss” would defintiely be on my list.
I love your writing man.
Rated and appreciated.
Barry--Yeah, Mayer's pop stuff can cause cavities. He should just stick to shredding his axe. Although, "Your Body is a Wonderland" probably landed him a few of those starlets he famously cavorted with. I honestly don't blame him. one of the motivating factors in rock. But still. What lame tune. thanks for stopping by!
Dennis--thanks for the heads up on "Lip Gloss" Ugh. My posts just look smarter when you stop by. Thanks!
jimmymac--Yes, there will be a decompression time this weekend. I just got the Big Star box set, and will be listening to that this weekend--purging the memories of this post!
Lonnie--too much to choose from. It was a challenge to narrow it to 10. Anymore, and readers might have become unhinged. Thanks for commenting bro.
Tink--yeah he is big in Germany. So how the heck did he score a hit in England? I chalk it up to shameless pimping of KIT in the video; Hoff didn't score a #3 song in the UK, KIT did! Thanks for stopping by.
nobody does bad music like you, but I would like to add birthday sex and kiss you through the phone ...
I’m not sure anything could be more humiliating than Celine Dion for Canada - or the world for that matter.
Canada needs to apologize for Nickelback. When they do, I will probably be willing to forgive them for Celine.
Nice list - great descriptions.
r
Great comment Con!
I consider myself lucky that I am not familiar with 1/2 of these songs.
Rolling Stone listed the Krunk craze (started by Lil Jon) as one of the 5 worst music trends of the decade.
BTW, I listen to “My Humps” when I want to check my gag reflex to make sure it still works.
An honorable mention should go to anything by T-Pain. It sounds like he swallowed a kazoo.
No he doesn't. overrated player. Nice guitar sound though. There are are at least a hundred players in my central Canadian city that have more chops, and a lot of them are under 16.
The tunes of his that I have heard, probably took at least four minutes to write.
But that's three minutes and 30 seconds longer than I am able to listen to them.
I like nickelback, very catchy tunes; And, those guys definitely paid their dues, so good for them.
Celine Dion, whether or not you like her or her music, ( I do not) can sing.
The rest, (except the ridiculous hump tune) I don't think I have heard. Pity.
Great post. thanks
The only way that Nickleback video could have been funnier is if John Mayer was also on stage and they were both hit. They both have giant lollipop heads. How could you miss?
There is another terrible country song by Jason Aldean (I think?) called "She's Country", only it's pronounced CUN-TRAY. This is so they can rhyme country with such words as "pray", "stay", and "hey". You know, words that don't rhyme with country.
And Con Chapman, EW! Not to you, I'm sure you're wicked handsome. I just never thought about the song that way and now it's even creepier.
Am I the only one thinks Mayer looks like a male prostitute? I would pay good money to smack him around.
Your body is a wonderland, but your face is a freak show.
the only decent cover I have heard of Hendrix, was little wing by sting, in which there is a searing brilliant guitar solo by Hiram Bullock.
It is not possible to improve upon, or even approach Hendrix.
Why try? Yes, I have a strong opinion on Hendrix.
I'm a child of the 60's
but have three 20-something daughters, so my taste is all over the place. Here is my top (worst) 10 list.
Oops I did It Again- Britney Spears
Love Story – Taylor Swift
Hoobastank – The Reason
Enrique Inglesias – hero
Poker Face – Lady GaGa
Viva La Vida – Coldplay
Rehab – Amy Winehouse
Rumours – Lindsay Lohan
I Kissed A girl – Katy Perry
Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani
hmm..majority of these are women(!)
Sure if you've heard it a hundred times it gets old, but seems like a decent song to me. Although the video may have ruined it for me - what's with the old guy in his underwear!?
I predict he'll go the way of Vanilla Ice - five years from now no one will admit every having liked him. I think even he'll be embarrassed of the pansy, sappy music he's put out.
Your Body is a Wonderland--John Mayer
That song makes me want to fork my face. No, it makes me want to fork John Mayer's face, who may be the most annoying celebrity of all time, that little Frankensteinesque ego monster.
and Thanks MJ!
All by bands that in my opinion should make the worst bands of the decade.
A few, only a few of Creed's songs off their first album "My Own Prison" were good. I heard it and thought they had potential. And then, as you say so eloquently and succinctly, Stapp's God complex ruined the band. I sacrificed that CD like Hendrix with mighty fire. As for the other nine, simply unlistenable.
Well done MJ, well done...
Rated
Note: If memory serves, "Your Body is a Wonderland" was allegedly about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Thinking about her body was the only way to make the song bearable.
I haven't heard any of these but I agree completely. Oh maybe I heard the Nickelback one by mistake when I was punching the my car radio... being Canadian I apologize for Nickelback. I mean we grow Neil Youngs here ....
Thanks you, from the bottomless pit of dispair that is my heart, for doing this public service. The world needs more men like you.
As for John Mayer....yes, yes, yes...that song sucks...but joining him in the ring of shame should be Jack Johnson for "Bubble Toes", which is just an excrescence of hideous lyrics. ..."her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes?"..."covered with tar balls and scars?"...WTF? While I appreciate the sheer groooove of the toon...I can't get into those lyrics... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F46w1M5A1E
As for the rest...Indeed! I bow to your superior taste!
It is not possible to improve upon, or even approach Hendrix."
You forget Eric Clapton and Duane Allman's take on "Little Wing" on the Derek and the Dominoes album. That's brilliant.
Bad news Nickelback haters: the rock band so many love to hate has been named the group of the decade by Billboard magazine.
I should have added my fave John Mayer spoof - (can't remember if it was SNL or madTV) but it was called John Mayer: Singer, Songwriter, Celebrity Poonhound and it was all about him singing horrible, stupid songs about all the celebs he had "dated". FUNNY FUNNY!