I started a new blog on Blogger ! Follow me as I loose some weight this summer, and let's see what insights I gain on this journey :) j9thedancingchef.blogspot.com/
Here's my Day 6 Post:
9:30 pm on a Saturday night. Today, stunningly beautiful day in NYC. The rain broke the heat yesterday and the air was fresh and clean. This is the best time of year in NYC! So many free events, parades, rooftop parties.
Today's challenge was distraction. Such a beautiful day, a part of me wanted to be out brunching or hanging out in the park, window shopping with friends. The only thing is, I've been a "people repellent" the past several months. People don't even sit next to me in the Subway! My phone doesn't ring for days at a time, and if I'm not working the most human contact I get is when I go to the grocery store or when my Mom calls me. But, before you feel sorry for me, full disclosure....I actually created this situation.
When I was in a live in relationship last year it felt really good not being single. The crazy thing is, even though the guy I was with just wasn't right, there was a comfort in the distraction of a relationship. We always had problems and I was determined to "work on" the relationship. I could work on changing myself, help him with his business, support him, nurture him, cook for him and create a home for the both of us. I thought, god this is going to be an awesome relationship if we can just make it through all of these challenges we will be in love! Note to Jeanine, that's not love that's ego. Doing all that work left me with little energy for nurturing my true friendships, seeking out new friendships in my new neighborhood and nurturing me.
The harder I worked on "us", the less respect we had for one another until it was difficult for me to remember why I was even attracted to this guy in the first place. When I finally accepted that the relationship was over I was in grieving/survival/ he's an asshole I hate him mode. The naked truth... I was terrified to be single again. The thought of dating, being social, dealing with people asking why I don't have kids yet, going to parties where all of the single women gather and talk about relationships, and all the married couples complain about their spouses and brag about their kids, and there's no single men, so I withdrew. I was trying to save a life sucking relationship in order to avoid dealing with the real changes I needed to make in my life. All distractions.
I am grateful though.
Grateful because I have a natural gauge. It's the same gauge that sounded the alarm that I needed to get back into exercising and commit to changing my lifestyle. The gauge that told me to ease back on health coaching clients during the break up because I needed time to focus on my own healing process. The gauge that asked me why I was going to these crazy expensive Burning Man parties when I'm not really a "Burner", always resented spending so much money on that crazy lifestyle, I don't take drugs (even if they are "just mushrooms") or drink, snort, or smoke anything and I don't like staying up all night with a bunch of folks on ecstasy. The gauge that protects me from over extending myself when people I don't really know or trust ask me to help them with their business with free advice or wanting to "collaborate". The gauge that helps me to let go of relationships that I know are not right. It's the gauge that knows all of these situations are distractions created by my ego that try prevent me from making the changes I need to make in my life and fly.
Distractions also exist to strengthen my gauge, allowing me to define my boundaries, recognize my patterns, and create clarity about what is really important to me and what I want to accomplish in this short lifetime.
9:30pm on a Saturday night, I'm here writing. Today I set mini-goals and achieved them and noticed distractions when they appeared. Last night, I needed a distraction, so I went to hear Keb Mo free concert in Prospect Park, I heard this song:
LINK TO KEB MO song That's not Love on You Tube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XDuujK2vd0
The rain blended with my salt water tears as I listened to the wisdom of these lyrics grateful for this perfect distraction.
HUGE glass of water
9:00am-9:45 Insanity Cardio Power & Resistance workout - yea it was hard.. and I did it afterwards I felt good and hungry so I ate
Breakfast: 3 eggs, tomato, kale, red pepper with 1/2 green apple and blueberries and Orange Juice with Spirulina Powder
12:30pm - 1:30 pm Zumba with Juanita at the YMCA. Juanita's Dance class was just what I needed to balance out the sports based workouts I'm powering through with Insanity. Juanita's class included, samba, salsa, reggeton, low impact West African Dance, hip hop, and 1960's style "Temptations" back up singer moves. I was drenched in sweat smile on my face and left the class feeling fantastic!
2:15pm Snack- Oatmeal cookie from Coca Bar and Iced green tea with honey
4:00 Snack - seasoned popcorn
8:00pm Dinner Baked lemon chicken breast grass fed organic , boneless/skinless, with yellow cherry tomatoes, and kale, shitake mushrooms, orange bell peppers, string beans
1/2 water 1/2 Limeade and Tons of Water today!