I had to be the bearer of bad news for my Girl Scouts last week. The fundraiser they’d planned – taking pictures at the middle school Halloween dance got the kibosh. Apparently they did not go through the appropriate “committee” and even though they were asked to take pictures, the deal was off. Which is too bad because we had props from Turner and a real photographer lined up. The girls were disappointed, but it actually put me in a different frame of mind.

I’ve had them since kindergarten and this year it’s occurred to me that I’ve done them a disservice. I’ve taught them that they can do anything – and that was stupid. Cook chili for 100? Yes we can! Raise money to buy books for a shelter? Yes we can! Be leaders in our community and be of service to others? Yes we can!

Except we can’t.

I’ve always been civic minded and competent. If I can’t do it, it can’t be done. I’ve pulled more miracles of leadership and organization out of my ass than almost anyone I know – except Nicki, she runs circles around me. Even in high school I was in charge of things and made things happen. In college I was the vice president of my sorority and arranged all manner of things. As a teacher I was also the cheer coach and had 65 kids. And isn’t this what we’re supposed to expect of ourselves – to make things happen and be of service to others?

But really all these years I’ve been putting my own selfish dreams aside to be of service while other people who did not make that tragic mistake are way ahead of me. We don’t live in a society –and probably never have – where being of service or being a leader are very well appreciated qualities in a woman. I’ve done any number of things with no thanks at all and was grateful for the opportunity. Except now I’m not.

This is about the girls, but then it’s not. What if my teaching them that they are capable of great things is wrong-headed. Maybe what I need to be teaching them is that all that effort at making chili and lining up props would be so much better spent on themselves. If you were to add up all the time I’ve spent in charge of things and in committee meetings it would number in the years. All that time I could have been doing Zumba, or writing, or developing my own selfish interests.

Maybe that’s the lesson I need to teach them. Don’t go out of your way for others – take care of yourself and work hard on your own goals and objectives. So if you’re looking to me to lead a committee or charge in and do a website for some organization that will do nothing but complain about it afterwards – keep looking. My girls and I will be off taking care of ourselves – just like the rest of the world.