I am scared of tomorrow.
What I have today is not perfect. I would like to have more of everything, more of love, more of wealth, more of health, more of beauty, more of happiness, who can ever have enough? And yet I am scared of tomorrow. What if it takes away instead of giving, what if I am left with less of everything after tomorrow is done with me?
I am happy today, I may be happier tomorrow but what if I am not?
I know resistance is futile, I realize tomorrow will come in spite of everything and yet I close my eyes like and cat and believe that the day is night. That I have skipped tomorrow, but then what about the day after?
I am rambling, because I know my life as I know it today will change tomorrow. The wheels have already been set into motion. Tomorrow will bring more responsibilities more compromises and change.
I was living in a bubble, a bubble of independence, a bubble of dreams where every tomorrow was a host of new possibilities. Where my life was my own, where I was carrying it in my arms down the road of my choice. I could choose any diversion I felt like, I could stop, I could run. Today, it has been gently pried away from my arms, they say my bubble has hosted me long enough, its time to return home. Today they carry it, tomorrow they’ll walk along some unknown path and I will just follow in their wake, not knowing if the journey’s for the better or for the worse.
They tell me to point out the road I’d like to take. The problem is I do not know. This country’s new to me, I want to find out, I want to explore, I want to get lost before I find my way. They say they cannot leave me on my own. They say they cannot bear to see me lost. I say I want to learn on my own, I want to fall before I walk, I want to crash before I fly.
They say they love me too much to leave me to chance. They do, I know and so I trust them with my life for the better or for the worse. I believe in destiny, what has to be, will be…..