Moana

Moana
Location
India
Birthday
March 16
Bio
A writer who has to write JAVA code for a living but dreams of someday reaching the elysium where letters would be all that she would need to exist.

MY RECENT POSTS

MARCH 10, 2010 12:37AM

Ego Trip

Rate: 10 Flag

It's amazing how alike two people can be.

You go on a ego trip, boosted by all the awesome response your work brings in for you day in and out. You puff out our chest till it is ready to explode because people tell you work won't happen without you. All the praise, the thank you's and "amazings" make you believe that you are the best. You know everything that there is to know. You become a bitch, snapping at people because they just won't understand, criticizing everybody under the sun because they don't know what's right. You believe you know best.

There is a small voice within you that tells you to rise above the madness, to keep your feet on the ground and your head screwed firmly onto your shoulders, you ignore it, you tell yourself that it is self doubt.

You explode everytime anybody tells you that you may not always be right. You boss people around, irrespective of how deserving they may be of your respect  or at least basic civility.

You sense relationships growing distant, you feel the tension in interactions with people who used to be your friends, mentors …

The ignorant know all that you are, you do not realize that it is not they who have changed but you, it is not they who have sprouted wings but your own ego.

Then all of a sudden, one fine day during a phone conversation, you decide to give in, more out of condescension than humility….

And things change, just like that…

You can feel the tension evaporate, the disagreements getting resolved, conversation flowing like before.

And then realization dawns or crashes like a tsunami, drowning you and carrying you along with the swell. You realize what a monster you had become, how ignorant you were.

You are left damp with shame and humility, the bubble has been burst and just as you wonder how you are ever going to make up for all the bad behavior, the phone rings again.

The person on the other end wants to know something, he is willing to admit there are things he doesn’t know…

You are not the only one, you learn, the world is full of egoistical fools like you, each waiting for the person next to him to give in to give in himself.   

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Comments

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You also learn that the world will go on just fine without you. Very well done Moana. Read you after a long long time and am thrilled! But then I am supposed to be on a hiatus from OS...(cant help sneak and look at my own post written suddenly to get some feedback...)

Keep it up. Rated indeed!
Thnx Traveller.

Read your post on the Hindu book issue. Did not comment there as I had not yet fully put my initial reaction into intelligible words.

I am a practising Hindu in that I believe in it’s principles and values but all this umbrage brouhaha, is just fundamentalism and after Gujarat and Orissa I have no patience for any of that. I wish your post finds greater circulation not specifically on OS but throughout the blogosphere as after Nazism and communism, religious fanatism is the latest “ism” to bring us a little closer to Armageddon.
You also will learn that you can be replaced or let go just like that!!

Then Ego leaves you and Mr. Pffffft comes into the picture!! ;)

Rated.
Tink, yes you will and that is when you start to wish that you had been a little bit nicer to those around you so that when you leave at least somebody feels sorry for you.
very perceptive, powerfully written
Thanks so much Brian. :)
Please comment on my blog..post. The more people discuss it the more it becomes a point of focus. The moderates of any association have to speak up. My letter is being published in News India Times and I feel excellent about it. There is protest march organized around the issue and I agree with you completely.
With pleasure, Traveller...
Wow Moana. You read like Rudyard Kipling.
He said:`
A person is blessed, and happy if - one in 1,000-
One in One-Thousand follow you to the gallows.
Someone else mentions:`
To really live in calm Eros`
You live in bliss in shadow.
The shadow of the swords.
That meant no Fear no one.
Shadow was the executioner.
`
I miss India;s marigold and bidi.
Bidi?
That was a farm market cigarette.
R. J. Reynolds knocked out bidis.
The Pall Mall smoke was 11- cents.
That was in 1993 posy-earthquake.
Corporate CEOs will reap a karma.
Yes.
No never accept creeps humiliation.
The lost-evil intent to hurt another?
The ridicule becomes there darkness.
It's sure sad to see and one wonders?
Depravity. Misery. Perdition. O Why?
Moana. I come and go. Good to you.
I'll bow the Namaste/Namascar. Hi.
Craze, how dare you point a finger at MY code (smoke billowing out of ears and nose).

Seriously, i am just learning. Lessons in humility are the most difficult to digest. I am trying.

Art , thanks for the great compliment and the thoughtful comment.
Powerful stuff. This is about letting go od the personal ego in order and accepting mans humility in order to accept and become one with the universe, isnt it.
seafarer, well honestly I had no such profound thoughts of my own.

I was just taught a lesson in humility.

But yes you are right, it all ultimately boils down to what you said, letting go of the sense of self to be one with the universe to truly enjoy being alive.
Moana, your writing is powerful and insightful.
Thanks Fay for reviving this long forgotten post.

Day to day experiences, common place in themselves but profound in wisdom if viewed as a part of a whole are the best teachers of life.
It is like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself for what you actually are.