I’m telling you, they’re lower.

Okay, I’m really just telling myself.  The thing I’ve been blaming on stretched out, old bras, is, in fact, the likely fault of stretched out, old skin.

My boobs are getting saggy.

This is especially hard for… Read full post »

Oh, you were expecting an advice column?  You think I have the secrets of the universe?

When I come into work in the morning, first I open my email box.  Depending on when I left the night before, there are at least 50 messages that require me to answer questions/… Read full post »

Last week, I lost my phone, and the Red Sox lost a very important baseball game.  These two events happened simultaneously.

 We went to Baltimore to see the Red Sox play the Orioles for something called a Wild Card slot or whatever.  I don't care.  I like to watch baseball… Read full post »

Is it really my job to write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite Powerpoints and RFPs and applications and sterile web copy, all run through Legal and Compliance?  Is it really my my life’s calling to sit at this horrible, hulking desk from the early 90s and stare at whiteboards and/… Read full post »

A few months before my then-fiance broke off my first engagement, he decided that he was not quite tattooed enough.  Now, I understand this feeling.  I, myself, have a constant feeling of not being tattooed enough, and most people who are tattooed at all will agree with me.  In fact, e/… Read full post »

I can’t resist.  Y’all have read much better accounts, critiques, and anecdotes about what Oprah has meant to them, but I don’t care.  Here’s mine.

When did Oprah first go on the air?   1986?  (Thank you, Wikipedia).  In 1986 I was eight and/… Read full post »

Do you think she’s up there thinking, god, I wish I could smash cake in my new husband’s face?  Would it be okay if I got caught referring to the love of my life as “Big Willie” at my own wedding reception?  Is she glad to look beautiful and radiant and/… Read full post »

Yesterday I went for my walk.  Admittedly, it is a walk.  There are periods of running.  Mostly downhill.  To be fair to myself, it is about four miles.  Four miles I have been walking – jogging – running – slogging along for five weeks.  Walking. … Read full post »

“Where do noodles come from?”

This was an innocent-enough question from a three year old me.  Ever inquisitive, there were probably forty or fifty such questions a day.  Maybe even an hour on an active day.  Eventually, my inquiring mind prompted a set of Encyclopedia Britt/… Read full post »

Back in 2001, there was a short-lived series on television called “The Tick.”  It was a live-action series where the main character, played by Patrick Warburton, was some sort of comic-book superhero that had to learn how to navigate real life, despite his big blue rubber suit.  … Read full post »

It has been odd, thinking about my blog for the last few months.

 Before when I thought about my blog, I would think, "this is the best thing to do to make myself feel better," "this is where to get my emotions out," "here is where you can write about… Read full post »

What do I need?  What do I need, what do I need, what do I need?

I don’t know.  I don’t effing know.  

What do I WANT?

I know even less about that.

I know what I DON’T want.  I don’t want mundane.  I don’t want the Sunday/… Read full post »

I talk loudly.  I talk even louder when I am excited.  I talk loudly a lot.

People often say, Moistowlette is great to be around, she is fun and funny, she is passionate and caring and loving and loyal.  But she is loud, like a movie theatre.  Don’t you always feel/… Read full post »

Hey indie music fans:

 I like you, I really do.  I like your PBR tattoos, your funky knee-high boots, your plastic glasses, and better-than-thou attitude.  I love your sort-of homemade clothes and tricky messenger bags with hidden iPod zippers.  Boys, your ironic tees are st/… Read full post »

I am a serial dater.  Not a “cereal” dater, mind you, though I did have a close encounter with Cap’n Crunch this past weekend. 

For someone who is a self-described “non-dater,” my friends are always quick to point out that I sure do go out on a lot of da… Read full post »

Way before Halo and Wii and even before Pac Man was something you could play at home, there existed Pong.  Truth be told, I may even be a bit young to have had Pong, but my parents had set up a rec room for my sister and I, and/… Read full post »

I have been doing this running thing lately.  Something I have always said I hated.  I have been running for fun.  Running for a brief respite from the computer screen, the BlackBerry, the “stopping by,” the constant accessibility everyone has to me when I’m at home,/… Read full post »

At a hipster art bar for Open Mike night last night, a friend of a guy I’m crushing on ventured to make me uncomfortable after somehow I was cajoled into saying, “very little makes me uncomfortable.”  I have never met this friend before.

He started with standing really, r… Read full post »

As most everybody knows, I have three rules for dating:

1) Your favorite band must not be Nickelback (I’m slightly okay if you own a Nickelback CD – we all make mistakes – but I’m NOT cool if you’ve seen them in concert if you paid for the ticket, or if… Read full post »

This weekend I went to a bar called Kung Fu Necktie. I am going to pretend that I totally fit in. In fact, I did have on one of those little slip dresses with a print of waves, a wide high belt with a feather on it, and my totally cool,… Read full post »

I am not interesting.

Here’s how I know:

1) Someone at a bar asked me and my group of friends what we were passionate about.  He started with someone else, so I had three full people of “passions” to come up with something.  I couldn’t think of anything.&… Read full post »

I do not have a big family. Holidays and birthdays when we were young were normally grandparents and the four of us. Every once in a while a stray aunt and uncle would be there. One year I remember getting a small play egg beater from one such aunt and uncle.… Read full post »

Today my beloved Mini Cooper (which I was lucky enough to be able to buy from my grandmother’s inheritance money) decided to take a siesta despite gentle, then somewhat violent, prodding by me, who needed to get to work. I do not have Triple A.

I texted boys and no… Read full post »

Just to be clear, I was a child in the 80s. An actual child. In 1989, I was eleven. So, I remember Rubik’s Cube and roller skating parties and rainbow suspenders and asymmetrical hairstyles and the Muffy / Buffy / Biffdom of the decade of my childhood. I was just plain… Read full post »

Have I mentioned the crying?

As much as I look back and laugh and forgive and forget, when my engagement was broken, there were a lot of tears.

And very little food.

And lots of cigarettes.

At the end, I knelt in front of him. Crying a… Read full post »