As I was reading the Salon.com front page, the article was a Jack Pollack portrait of woman sheding tears with caption reading; the story line of Mom who is crying and wonders if how it is affecting her children. She quickly discusses why she is crying, and her reasons are all legit. She is a Mom dealing with cancer, I think her crying is a release as well as it is a frightening and awful feeling to know that you are getting closer to the end of life. Writing about such feelings takes guts, as it is often gut wrenching to watch on television, there are many movies that tackle the monster in the closet.
Some people are brave, they will wear a scarf around a fresh head of chemo, any stares? I don't think so, most people know when they are seeing someone who has just come from a round of chemo. No, not like they look like they are dying or something, but the look of the hair is rather shriveled. As many people who have witnessed loved ones dealing with side effects of radiation, it is scarry to say the least. I am thinking about the movie with Shirley McClaine, "Terms of Endearment" and also "Beaches" with Bette Midler, also "The Family Stone" does a great of displaying when we know when we know it.
The sort of ambivance that shares a never ending net of drama and sadness is really never easy to navigate. I have in my life lost neighbors with small children, I have lost people such a my father, my mother had melonoma, but that is not what killed her. I have had people I loved who died from kidney failure, lack of insulin, undetected heart problems, and yet other things, thryroid, besides other boogie men that dance around everyday life. Taking with it's worrisome steps like a labrinthe of unresolved danger signs that make for many unplanned and unpleasant surprises.
I would hope that the caregivers and the others who make the time pass a little less worrisome will also be known for their strength in making the best of things when life is not pardoning the dark scarry stuff that you can't make go away. My heart goes out to all of your family members, and all the others that make navigating such a painful time a time worth sharing and caring and not taking advantage of so many innocent pleasures that we don't know until they are no longer there. My prayers are offered that you will be well, and that your family is given the strength and courage to deal with what they have been dealt.