Hello friends... I am back. I've missed you. I've been lurking and reading your blogs... just haven't had much to say.

When last we spoke, it was my birthday, and I had just gotten my negative pregnancy test results. Needless to say I was a bit down.

After three months of frenetic fertility related activity, during which I learned a great deal, repeatedly stabbed myself with needles of varying sizes, and experienced hormonally enhanced emotional highs and lows, I decided to take a break. I took one month off, during which I intended to relax, exercise, and take good care of myself.

Of course I promptly caught one of the worst colds I have ever had, so I am not quite living up to the energized, rejuvenated image of myself that I envisioned a month ago, but there's still hope. The sun is shining, the breezes are wafting smells of spring my way, the mountains are beckoning, and my sneakers are in my car. Also my giant work deadlines will be met this week, so I think I will go for a hike. Very soon.

Baby Steps.

Hm, that would be a good title for a book about getting pregnant!

While I was on my break... I decided to take the first steps toward a career change. I currently have a full time job as a web designer in a large company. I like web design, but I'd rather be doing it part-time at most, and for a long time I have been fantasizing about doing something in the healing professions. Obviously I spend a lot of time thinking about women's health and reproductive issues, so I'm excited to say that I am starting on the path to DONA Birth Doula certification.

I'm taking a BLS (Basic Life Support) class on Sunday, and I am taking a three day DONA Birth Doula training workshop at the end of the month. I also watched The Business of Being Born and have been working my way through the DONA Birth Doula reading list and loving it. I don't know exactly where this will lead, but it feels like the right direction and the beginning of something new and beautiful in my life, that will allow me to connect with other women in their journeys to becoming mothers, and other women who care about women's fertility and birth choices as passionately as I do. And I think all the challenges I have been facing along the way will help me to be a better Doula and healer for others. I'm so looking forward to the workshop!

So where do things stand, on my own fertility journey?

The bad news: after trying to get pregnant naturally for a year and then trying with IUI for three months in a row, no progress. The good news: my day three FSH level has been right around 5 every month I've been tested, which is ideal, especially given my age. My estradiol levels are fine too, so my ovarian reserve seems to be good. My eggs are good, my lining is good, my hormones are good... All of this means that I should theoretically be able to get pregnant. So what's getting in the way? Maybe problems with my tubes - I already know one is blocked, and maybe the other one is problematic too? Maybe stress? It's hard to know.

So the plan is to do up to three more months of IUI attempts. If one takes - hallelujah! If not, my insurance will cover most of the cost of up to three IVF cycles.

I found a sample timeline of how IVF works and it seems to be a two month process - 4-5 weeks of hormones and then a 32 IVF cycle starting with stimulation and a trigger shot, followed by egg collection, fertilization, and embryo transfer. Then the usual two week wait and a pregnancy test.

If none of the next three IUIs take, my plan is to take another cycle off (around July) and then start the IVF process in the hopes of having my first embryo transfer before labor day.

There are apparently financing plans specifically to help you cover IVF expenses not covered by insurance, so I will probably be looking into that very soon.

Today was day one of the next IUI cycle... I'll be back at my fertility doctor's office on Friday morning. I feel like the next three months will be easier than the first three, now that I know what to expect. And I will just keep taking it one day at a time.

Baby Steps!