Okay, so I am not quite a bomshell, but I am very beautiful and smart, and clearly lacking humblenesss and posessing an over abundance of vanity. Consider this confession #1.
Now to the issue at hand: Have you sat down lately to take a look at yourself? Not in the mirror like at the areas that could benefit from Botox, I mean YOU. I have and there are a number of items I need to get off my chest.
If I were a Catholic I'd have confession, but since that dream died with the frumpy nun (see past post "A Nun's Tale") I have only you, my tens of readers. I would like to add that I don't feel guilty about ALL of the confessions but do feel compelled to share.
2. I totally let my kids watch way too much tv AND I watch it with them. Who could not like "Shrek: The Final Chapter" or "How to Train Your Dragon"? It is most regretful that I have fallen into the black hole of television considering that when I was pregnant with my first child I wanted her television viewing to be limited to like one hour a week. That goal is now laughable.
3. We have junk food in my house; embarrassing because we never used to buy it much less consider eating it. Now there are hot dogs, tater tots, fish sticks, Yodels, pop tarts and other processed foods. BTW, I am generally a foodie, but I happen to LOVE fish sticks and tater tots. They make me think of Fridays at Happyland (I only expect those of you from Fort Lauderdale to understand this).
4. I feed my kids McDonalds; they just had some last week. Appalling but true. Please note that is in addition to the junk food mentioned above; I feel McDonalds is way worse for them than regular junk food and yet I still feed it to them. The excitement that is cheered out of my car as we pull into the drive through is without bounds and makes it almost worth the artery clogging, over salted, preserved feast that follows.
5. I simply hate children's birthday parties. Remember when we were kids and you got dropped off at someone's house for cake, ice cream, some games and then your mother picked you back up? When did this end and why?
Now birthday parties entail you staying at some torturous venue for at least two hours of "fun" with other adults who you may or may not know or like. I'd bring a book, but then I would simply perpetuate the already bad rap I have for lack of sensitivity (and maybe rudeness). I actually used my two year old as a reason not to be able to stay at a party recently. It was an all girl party, no boys. It was horribly unfortunate that I happen to have a little boy who no one could watch during the party. Insert sarcasm here.
There is a caveat to this hatred; I have one friend who has great kids parties. They are in her back yard with maybe five other kids. They have a tree house, playground, basketball hoop, zipline and lots of seating. And I love her and her family. This is the one and only caveat.
6. Have you seen the movie "Up"? There is a scene in which Mr. Frederickson turns off his hearing aid so that he can no longer hear the endless chatter of Russell, the stowaway 8 year old. This scene makes me long for a hearing impairment so that I can do the same.
I would be such a nicer mother, and person, if I simply did not have to listen to endless prattle or my name being called over and over and over and over. I've tried earplugs, they are not nearly as effective as one would hope.
The fact that I am trying to attain deafness on an on call basis, well, its not admirable, but I will find a way to deal with the guilt.