Mortimer Hayden Smyth

The Center For American Free Thought

Mortimer Hayden Smyth

Mortimer Hayden Smyth
Bio
Founder/Editor, Ka-Ching! Magazine; The Center For American Free Thought: Senior Policy Analyst, Director of Deviant Homosexual Studies; Interests and Hobbies: Morality, Investment, Missile Defense

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AUGUST 27, 2008 1:08PM

The Democrats' Denver Disaster

Rate: 16 Flag

The McCain campaign is salivating at the notion that this week in Denver will be the beginning of the end for Barack Obama.  Hillary and her supporters will hijack the convention, Biden will say something stupid, and Obama will do an elitist end zone dance with Britney and Paris.  The hope is that it will all end in tears, clearing the way for Senator McCain to announce his plans to reinstate the draft without fear that it will cost him the election.  (I have poor eyesight, so it is with some personal relief that I must admit I am fully in favor of Selective Service.  People-- and by that I mean people other than myself-- have an obligation to serve this nation in combat.)

McCain Salivating At The Sidelines

I'm here in the GOP war room in Denver, and I can tell you that we are ready with a rapid response for anything the Dems can throw at McCain.  We already managed to diffuse the TooManyHouses-Gate scandal with the one-two punch of "I was a P.O.W. for five years" and "now God has BLESSED me."  We think this is going to be our response for pretty much everything now, because it just WORKS.  Our dear friend Hannity has already used the P.O.W. brand to excuse McCain's adultery (while rightly excoriating non-P.O.W. John Edwards), and now we've combined it with The Lord's Divine Will to explain why McCain has more houses than he can keep track of.

McCain A Little Bit Ashamed

The P.O.W. thing is a political hack's dream-- a gift that keeps on giving.  Although I have to confess, I have a specific personal take on it.  Back in 2000, I lambasted Al Gore for serving in a "cushy" post as an Army Reporter in Vietnam.  At the time, I implied that young Gore had volunteered to serve his country with the sole intention of padding his resume for his inevitable career in politics.  In 2004, I attacked John Kerry for faking bravery and injuring himself repeatedly, implying that his entire military service was done so that he would later look like some kind of "war hero" when running for the White House.  Well, in the spirit of consistency, I'll go ahead and admit it-- I think John McCain allowed himself to be shot down on purpose, and intentionally refused early release, knowing that he could use it in campaign ads for decades to come.  There, I've said it.  I won't apologize for it, and I'd like to add that I think it was a genius move.  Of all three of these phony Vietnam glory-seekers, McCain did it best of all.  I give him full credit, and I salute him for it.    

As for the "Blessings" line, I think it's a masterstroke-- we've finally found a way to bring religious conservatives back into the fold with the fiscal crowd.  Simply change "Capital Gains" into "God's Blessings."  The Democrats want to raise taxes on God's Blessings!  If you want to go to Heaven, keep your hands off my Millions-- that is to say, my "Blessings."  It's a real winner, the best one since "The Death Tax."  Thank you, Joel Osteen.  

Romney Willing To Do ANYTHING

As a side note:  Romney is here in Denver as well, eager to do anything and everything to please McCain.  Seriously, I'm not exaggerating.  Romney will do ANYTHING.  Someone made a joke earlier that McCain wanted him to eat out of the trash can, and before we even realized it, he had his face buried in a waste basket like a pony, munching away.  It's really freaking people out.

 

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Comments

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That one two punch is and was genius...........however, I would suggest McCains' premeditated Vietnam "ordeal" is simply a function of his claravoyance........I don't know why he doesn't tell people that he really can see the future. It's so easy to verify.
"Keep Your Hands Off My Blessing"

Mr. Smyth, did you happen to get a cell phone picture of Romney eating out of the trash?

Wow, things are really kicking off out there in Denver...
Brilliant and fun. Bravo and thanks!
Yea, what is up with McCain's answer to that question? So now he will remind us that he was a POW and then state that he is blessed with wealth?

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if republicans actually did begin taking the approach that Mr. Smyth is playing with here in terms of the government taxing our blessings. Oh brother.
TP, Mr. Mortimer Hayden Smyth does not "play" with anything. He is surgeon of thought, mind, language, hetersexual behavior and airport stalls. I believe you would agree
....................................................................................................................................................................updates?................................................
Nobody eats poo like Romney. Fantastic visual...
Oh Dear, oh dear, oh dear. I think I injured myself laughing.
I wonder how Mortimer's day went at the convention...Does he have pass? Mr. Smyth, please let us know more about your surroundings and day to day routine. Is Romney ok?
................................................hilarious!............................