2009 is a great time to be a Republican. The burden of leadership has been lifted from our shoulders, and we can feel free to really do what we do best: complain, play the victim, feign outrage, obstruct government, and plot our inevitable return to power.
Behold: my plan to make Republicans "popular" again. It won't be easy, but it just might work...


Salon.com
Comments
Boner & Steele - wasn't that a Walter Egan song?
So funny!!!
(rated)
Funny, funny, funny!
You know "Boehner and Steel" sounds like a 70s buddy cop show, doesn't it!
Outstanding.
That baby face helps.
Although I will say that I prefer you scruffy and drunk.
Thank you for your generous critique. However, I must take issue with your use of an apostrophe in the sentence "This is hate speech at it's finest." I am assuming that you meant to use the possessive "its" instead of the contraction "it's" as in "it is" or "it has." If I am incorrect in this assumption, please forgive me. But I believe I am correct on this point.
I am not going to jump to the conclusion, however, that you have no idea when or how to properly employ an apostrophe in Modern English. I'm going to assume it was a simple typographical error, and leave it at that. Let's not speak of it again.
Furthermore, I accept your apology ("I am sorry [you have such a jaundiced view of who makes up 50+% of America.]"), although I am somewhat disheartened to learn that I am not a part of any of the good that makes America. On this, we simply disagree.
Finally, I fear that you may be "in the tank" for Sully.
Best Wishes to you and yours.
P.S. I would love to learn "what or how free markets work." Please elaborate.
How can he think he's witty and clever when all he is doing is making you and I get all hot and bothered. It's kind of frustrating. And you also nailed him on gitmo. Imagine how unfunny this video would have been if you were having sexual relations with Mortimer in gitmo. He probably never even thought about that while make this thing.
Thanks for being so clear, Ed.
I am afraid that trying to explain Free Enterprise to you would be like explaining Alcohloism to a drunk. You are convinced you already understand it, yet do everything in your life to undermine it. Tragically there is no 12 step program for stupid. You are the classic delusional leftist. You buy into Identity Politics at whatever level provides that days needed dose of animosity and cynicism towards normal to satisfy your addiction to hearing your own voice. Then like some mental masochist you get off on the conflict. Here's your fix.
"I am afraid that trying to explain Free Enterprise to you would be like explaining Alcohloism to a drunk."
You're right, Randy. But please: try explaining "Alcohloism" to me. I truly don't know what that is.
"You buy into Identity Politics at whatever level provides that days needed dose of animosity and cynicism towards normal to satisfy your addiction to hearing your own voice."
Randy, you are incorrigible! First, you're adding in apostrophes where they don't belong, now you're leaving them out!
Furthermore, Randy, I don't know why you are calling me a “leftist.” Check the record. I spent 28 days in a row attacking Obama last October/November, and all I want in this entire world is for there to be a Palin/Wurzelbacher victory in 2012. How many days did YOU spend attacking Obama? Ten? Twenty? I'll stack my right-wing bona fides against yours any day of the week, sir.
As for "getting off" on conflict, Randy, I believe you are the one who has called me uninformed, drunk, blind (offensive-- my sister is blind and has to walk with a trained dog), jaundiced, immature, hateful, racist, ignorant, insensitive, lacking in goodness, stupid, delusional, and a "mental masochist."
I think I've been relatively polite to you, galling as it might be to be attacked by a fellow conservative. But I'm not going to take the bait, Randy. The worst I can say about you is that you do not know how to use an apostrophe. And I mean that: you genuinely appear to have no idea and are just tossing them in or leaving them out, willy-nilly.
Also, your name is highly suggestive, but on this point I simply feel sorry for you. Were I a parent, I would feel uncomfortable leaving my children in the care of a Randy French person.
Best Wishes to you and yours.
Sigh. I'm sorry if you think I am "pompus" but please, I beg of you: STOP ENVISIONING ME IN SEXUAL SCENARIOS.
I understand that we live in a permissive age, and that the Internet, in particular, is a haven for pornography and loose morals, but it's still disconcerting to see you publicly presenting a hypothetical fantasy in which you are some kind of voyeur, sitting in the corner, or perhaps outside lurking in the bushes, watching me engage in onanistic ritual over a photograph of myself.
I understand that none of us are perfect. I've made mistakes in the past, in my personal life, and I understand that sometimes feelings and impulses are confusing. And we must, all of us, be allowed our inner fantasy life. I wouldn't dream of denying you yours. But this is not the place, Ed.
Also, you don't know how to use commas or hyphens or even question marks. Honestly, you're worse than Randy, who at least has narrowed things down a bit. Just because we are online doesn't mean that we can't use proper English, sir.
Best Wishes to you and yours.
"IQ cheallenged"? Really?
Welcome to Open Salon. And to typing. And possibly even to spelling.
Really mort go back and take an objective look at this crap. If it were printed I would not even have the luxery of lining my cats litter box with it since it already reeks of fecal material.
Seriously mort too much of your ego leaking out of this piece. At least I was nice enough to tell you that your piece sucks before you sunk twenty grand into some film school with the misguided impression that you had talent to develop.
Thanks, once again, for your kind and generous comments. And I can see now that your spelling of the word "pompous" seems to be an intentional affectation rather than an error, as I had originally presumed. My apologies.
I'd like to thank you for sharing your wit, and your heart. This can be a lonely and cruel world, so it's always nice to know that you can count on the Internet to attract people who will really give of themselves, and "tell it like it is." I could have done without quite so many references to "shit", "crap" and "fecal material", but you have your own style, and I'm certain that it works for you.
And yes, it was nice of you to tell me that my post "sucks" and that I have no talent to develop. I was surprised that you didn't finish stronger-- perhaps you could have suggested that I might as well "kill" myself, but I think you probably suspected that it would have come across as less "classy."
You have much to be proud of, Ed Marrow. May you live a long and healthy life, and tell a great many people what you think of them!
P.S. I used spell check just for you. I hope this meets your punctuation standards. They have been so very important to you. Really, some of the professional writers on this blog should take a que from you and attack every punctuation mistake they see, just like you. I am sure you don’t mention them just to make yourself feel more superior. You sir, are a real gem. Keep talking…….yeah……keep talking.
Thanks for giving it to us straight. You’ve made it perfectly clear what you think of Mortimer, but I’d love to know what you think of the people on Open Salon who think he’s funny. In a way are they even worse than him? You must at least respect Mr. Smyth’s work ethic. What about all these people who simply get a kick out him? I’d love to know your honest opinion about what idiots they are. You’ve opened my eyes; until you came along I thought the whole entire planet loved Mortimer….;)
I'm really enjoying your take on Mortimer and all that he doesn't quite "understand" about conservatism.
But how is it that your spell check missed "que"...UNLESS you really are French. Ah. Quel dommage!
I am happy to see that you have improved your use of punctuation, or at least allowed a computer to correct the errors you are naturally prone to. My scolding of you has led to an actual, measurable improvement in the quality of your writing. (Although, for the record, that fifth sentence is a disaster, and it seems doloresflores_d has already pointed out an apparent error, if that isn’t an odd bilingual flourish.)
You can dismiss it as a “fetish” on my part, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with being thoughtful and actually making an effort to use the English language properly. (Nor do I think there is anything particularly disgraceful about being a 5th grade English teacher. I am not one, but it is an honorable profession, and I’m sure that a great many of them are capable of effectively rebutting an argument, should the occasion arise.)
As for punctuation being the “strongest rebuttal” I have, I’d have to counter by pointing out that ad hominem attacks seem to be the only weapon in your arsenal. I think the strongest point I made was to simply list the many unkind names you called me. I don’t claim to speak “on behalf” of all conservatives, and I certainly hope that you don’t either, for I think your name-calling would set a pretty poor example for all humans, regardless of political ideology.
Unless I’m mistaken, I don’t believe I have called you any names at all in our dialogue here, except “Randy, “Randy French”, and “sir.” Meanwhile, you continue to insult me with your tone and your insinuation that I am not a true conservative, and I’m bewildered by it. Any true conservative worth his salt would stay far away from quoting a left wing atheist to make his point.
You seem to run out of steam at the end of your latest comment, unless you are lapsing into some kind of “beat” poetry. In any case, I think I’d like to bid you a fond farewell, at least for now, Randy-- unless you have a more substantial point you want to make. Something other than that you don’t like me or anything I have to say or that I am “the problem” and “not a part of any of the good that makes America.”
I wish you nothing but happiness, Randy French. Despite the tone you have taken with me, and the hurtful things you’ve said, I’m going to assume that you are, at heart, a decent person who ultimately means well. I’m sure the relative anonymity of the Internet has contributed to the acrid tone here—I doubt that if we were face-to-face, you would have been nearly as hostile to me. Perhaps we might have even been friends.
You were kind enough to use spellcheck on your post, just for me, and so in your honor I am going to write these final sentence’s to you in classic Randy French style. Its the least I could do, and I hope that your going to appreciate it because it pains me a little to write like this, intentionally making the occasionol error and then hitting the send button without even glancing back to proofread it. ‘
Best Wishes to you and yours, Randy French.
In the all great blogosphere a poster who attacks anothers spelling as his last great defense conceeds the discussion. I thank you for your concession.
And I'll certainly "conceed the discussion" if that's what you'd like. I think I'd like that, too. But I want you to know that I wish you nothing but the best in the years to come, Ed. You deserve to find happiness, as we all do, and I know that yours is out there, waiting for you. Fare thee well.
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