Mortimer Hayden Smyth

The Center For American Free Thought

Mortimer Hayden Smyth

Mortimer Hayden Smyth
Founder/Editor, Ka-Ching! Magazine; The Center For American Free Thought: Senior Policy Analyst, Director of Deviant Homosexual Studies; Interests and Hobbies: Morality, Investment, Missile Defense

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AUGUST 5, 2009 7:32PM

One of my "28 ATTACKS" makes a comeback!!

Rate: 14 Flag

Some of you might recall my "28 Attacks in 28 Days" campaign initiative back in October.  (To those who are unfamiliar, a helpful summary can be found here.)  Basically, I would make up a fresh new attack on Barack Obama every day until the Election.  I was heavily criticized for my approach, which eschewed verifiable facts in favor of Fear-based Invented Truths.TM

The initiative's goal-- to ensure a Republican electoral victory-- was a failure, but I'm happy to report that my FBITTM methods have inspired a new wave of political activism on the right.  My former dentist has been using my patented FBITTM techniques to rally the Birther movement, and The Lewin Group has been producing several "nonpartisan studies" about Health Care, using FBITTM to maximize results.  (For regular updates from The Lewin Group, follow me on Twitter.)

I'll admit-- many if not all of my 28 ATTACKS have yet to be verified by Obama's actions during the first 6+ months of the his Administration.  The press has yet to obtain a photo of him eating a little pumpkin as if it was an apple, he has not hijacked a space shuttle to go live on the moon, and he apparently does not sleep 22 hours a day.  If I were capable of experiencing shame, this could be an uncomfortable moment for me.  Thankfully, my friend and mentor Bill Kristol taught me that there is no shame in always being wrong-- the trick is genuinely not caring.  

However:  I'm delighted to discover that one aspect of ATTACK #20 has found new life in the Republican Anti-Health Care Reform movement:   

DATE: August 4, 2009

ObamaCare Likely to Mandate Free "Sex-Change" Surgeries  

I thought this charge sounded familiar, and then I realized that I had made up the whole "Mandatory Sex Change" thing when I was suggesting that he would force us all to get "Gay Married."  I'm tremendously pleased to find part of my FBITTM from 10/28/2008 returning to the public discourse only nine months after I thought of it.  

DAY #20 / ATTACK #20
Now, if the Birthers will only follow up on my charge that Obama is only 29 years old...  Okay, so now he's 30.  It's still too young to be POTUS!
MHS on Twitter
"SHAME on him for saving those women!"
My twitter account is NOT fake.  It's real. 

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I remember this. I had already picked out my gay spouse and everything so was disappointed to find it untrue along with the 22 hour sleep cycle. I was looking forward to catching up from the eighties.

S'okay, I still love you Mortimer and I already follow you on Twitter because you are all that and a ham sandwich.

"Mortimer" sounds a bit like a prophets name. Good work, sir. Do we know when our sex changes begin?
I do remember your 28 Attacks outbreak. I forget - did you do one about euthanizing old people too? I'm 59 and this health care stuff terrifies me (jk).
grif82600, you SHOULD be terrified!

I saw an early list of possible "victims" for the ObamaCare ElderSnuff program, and YOUR NAME was on it in the "late 50s" bracket! TERRIFYING!
Good for you. Keep up the good fight sir.

Now, Obama doesn't eat little pumpkins like apples, but it's a well known "fact" that Obama eats tomatoes like apples. In many ways this is a greater outrage. Really. The seeds and tomato snot run all over his face and hands. Yuck.
How can he claim to be an American when he clearly can't eat a tomato properly? Smoking gun here.
Well played, sir. I encourage you to go to a local town hall meeting with a Tomato in a Ziploc® baggie and scream about it whenever a politician tries to discuss the Health Care Crisis...
Mr. Hayden-Smith, you ignorant slut. You are nothing but a shrunk-wrapped Dick Armey, a Dr. Evil for Catoized Objectivists spewing snake-oil venom. Where is YOUR birth certificate, Mr. Know-It-All? Who writes YOUR prescription for chaos and mayhem on Main Street? Who funds you?
What is this Center for American Free Thought? Are you some kind of free-thinking athiest godless commie homo? :)
Mortimer, WorldNetDaily says you can come back now. They're willing to forgive and forget (and Orly Taitz wants you to stop leaving the toilet seat up...).
Women will be forced to urinate standing up! Love your Twitter page; what an august group you follow there.
You, sir, are a true artist with facts. I do believe sex-change operations should be free and am unable to work up any outrage. However, if the Obama administrations were to mandate free butt implants instead, I could bitch about that, plus I could get the J-Lo butt I've always wanted.
"Butt implants?" Excuse me, we aren't talking about that unfortunate Australian case "down under" are we?
The Center For American Free Thought is funded by a private consortium of Concerned Citizens who wish to remain anonymous. God Bless Them.
I love it - the Eldersnuff program and I'm in it. Finally I'll receive some government benefits after paying taxes faithfully all these years.
Will they pay to change me back? I had my operation early so I would be good to go when it became mandatory.
My dear Mr. Mortimer, you valiant patriot! Thank you for your service to our great nation!

But I think you have forgotten to point out that some of the letters of the name " Obama" are also in the word "mosquito". Clearly this indicates that the crypto-Kenyan has been sent to infect us all with the African West Nile virus. His plan is to make us all sick, proving we need health care reform. I think he is despicable. I have Medicare and secondary insurance, but I'm sure it won't help me any. He's ruining everything!!
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