Yo, Steve. From Comcast. I'm sorry. Please don't take it personal pan pizza.

I had a good time talking to you yesterday, for real deals. Member when I called you to pay my bill. You was hella helpful! We established a funk rapport. Like when I had trouble reading the worn out secret code on the back of my debit card, and you told me you had the same problem! You told me the story about how you wore yours out so bad you had to write it down on a business card, but then the business card got wore out too and you had to just guess whenever you shopped online! Remember? That was a rowdy story.

Maybe we were having such a dope time that you didn't want the call to end. It's ok, I was having fun too. And yes, you went too far when you tried to sell me a bundle of digital cable, blazing-high speed internet, and a phone line for $120 a month. It's cool, baby. Sometimes I go too far too.

Like once when I was having some wizdom teeths pulled by the family dentist, Dr. Lowell,  and they had to sedate me. And after we were chatting about dry sockets and shit, and I tried to get up, but he said I shouldn't cause of the drugs. And I was like chill dentalist, me and my homies get fucked up all the time at school, this sedation is nathans.

So it's ok that you pushed the limits with that whole bundle thing. It happens, we lose our domes sometimes. I tried to tell you I had a cellie and didn't need a land line, but then you started going on about how I could save some lettuce with free long distance and unlimited mins and the like.

And I should have stopped you right there. I should been like, yo! Stevedizzle quit wasting your time. Because I don't like to talk that much, and I never run over my minutes.

But I am a good listener.

So I just let you go on and on. You were great too! Is there some way I could call your manager and tell them that, even though I didn't buy nothing, ol' Steve put on a totally legit sales pitch? Cause I will, I'll do it.

Ah, dog, damn you seemed mad at the end when I told you I didn't really want the phone and had to peace out. I'm sorry. I needed to call Capital One to make a payment on the plastic tip. I really was having a awesome time listening.

Are you still mad? Don't take it so hardees ham biscuit. Call me sometime, just hit me on the hip whenever you need to pitch a premium channel or rap and get weird. You know my cellie number now.

What?

Nah dawg, I don't have a home phone.