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Following her 14th. hospitalization in an 18 month period, it became glaringly apparent to my siblings and me that our mother was no longer able to safely live alone in her home. Yet, we also agreed that she was too vital to be confined irrevocably in a long-term care facility. Being the eldest of the five and in a life-position that enabled me to move in with her as her companion/ caregiver, I did so, for 2 1/2 years.
When I moved in, Mom was on 13 prescription medications. We worked closely with her doctors during that time to detox her central nervous system from all unnecessary drugs and she gradually gained strength, cognition, humor, reason and an increasing resistance to my helping role. When she was deemed healthy and stable enough for solo living, I happily (for both of us) rejoined my own career and life. Mom lived another 5 years and was never institutionalized, until her final days, post emergency surgery. She often told me that I had given her the most valuable gift of all...TIME.
Parenting a physically fragile, yet intellectually intact parent can often prove to be challenging. I offer my final conclusion written during the above mentioned cohabitation time with my mother.
As she stood above my crib,
did I appear as fragile
or infinitely beautiful,
as she often does today?
And for every task
to which I am called,
had she not, long before,
pre-paid in more than full-measure?
When bone-marrow exhaustion
seeps through cracks
in my steely determination,
when one more interruption
shatters my fragile, hard-won serenity,
I must remember
the relentless call outs,
the "Moooooooooooooom's!"
to which, for decades,
she was a slave.
True, she chose that role
and present circumstance
has now chosen
for each of us,
yet the principle
remains...
one requires,
one provides,
continuing the dance
and
completing the circle.
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Brassawe
Abbott the Absolute
Drewonimo
julie Kiernan
Smithery
L in the Southeast
Salon.com
Comments
Thank you for this:
"one requires,
one provides,
continuing the dance
and
completing the circle."
Highly rated
"the principle
remains...
one requires,
one provides,
continuing the dance
and
completing the circle."
So deeply true. Thanks. Kisses,
hello- dads too...in somewhat different ways
MAWB- We lost dad in pieces, to his 8 year battle with Parkenson's disease ( large muscle coordination, facial expression, eye coordination, speech, swallowing) 9 years ago...and mom two years ago to post-op complications. I know your mother's death is so fresh...my heart goes out to you for your current and ongoing life's end journey with your dad. I'll keep thinking good thought for both of you.
Buffy- We can only hope...highly rated=high praise. From you, much appreciated
Owl-Your brief, meaningful comments consistently lift me
VR- I'll be moving in with you and Mr. Remedy next week. LOL
Marcela- thank you for your empathy
RG- So many of us that return to the "inter-generational family response and responsibility." Wish society valued these ties and sacrifices as well as do our loved ones.
did I appear as fragile
or infinitely beautiful,
Thank you, mothership. I needed that. Great work.