TinkerTink's post inspired mine this morning-- go read his first...

 “I’ll understand if you don’t, if it’s just a game with you!  I won’t ever mention it again.”

It was my boss Jenga's voice on the phone, and as I listened, a million thoughts ran through my head at once. She's a wily woman and she knows it. She's playing with my heart like its silly putty. To her I'm probably just another trivial pursuit. Sometimes she treats me like I'm a Mister Potato Head or something. Somehow I've got to let her know I'm not just another pretty face.

"What about your boyfriend", I ask cautiously, "you know-- the one who works for Wham-O?"

"Oh him" she replied, "I told him to go fish. He came in stinkin of gin, the rummy bastard. I just knew he was out playing spin-the-bottle all night with that Holly Hobby."

"Really? That doesn't sound like him." I replied.

"Oh, you don't know Jack!" she continued. "I'm so tired of his bullshit, I'll make him wish he'd never milborne. How long does he think this charade can continue? If he thinks he can stay out all night playing poker, well-- fine. But he just can't toy with hearts like that and not get in trouble. I'm not gonna keep playing hide-n-seek with a man who thinks cattin' around is just a barrel of monkeys. So I told him to just put all his cards out on the table. You know 'a spades a spade' and all that."

"So what did he do?" I asked.

She choked up a little, "At first he got angry and wanted to know why I was hitting him with all these twenty questions-- and then he admitted he's been a player for awhile now. He said he was sorry but he wasn't the kind of guy to putt putt around the cribbage, he wanted to play a course with all eighteen holes."

"I told him good luck with that, trying to play through with just his little putter." she sniffed.

"But truthfully, I didn't have a clue." she continued, "He admitted that he's been over there 'playing doctor' with her all those times he told me he was at work jumping through hoops. I'd like to go over to that little
hussy's house and just soccer! No more twister, sister. Not with my guy."

"And that's the name of that tune." I thought to myself.

Privately, I thought the guy must have lost all his marbles. Why would he take a chance playing strip poker with the community chest when he could have been at home capturing the flag, I'll never know. He must be bonkers. And furthermore, think of the risk-- you never know what kind of cooties you're gonna pick up playing a game like that. Its a real crap shoot.

"Balderdash", is all I said out-loud though, "It just boggles the mind."

She sighed. "You're my Simon", she murmered, "always there for me when the game of life gets tough. I don't know what it is with me and men. Kind of like playing musical chairs. You meet a guy who seems nice-- like a high roller, you know-- you go out a few times, he shows you his yahtzee, you have some laughs-- next thing you know he's treating you like a slot machine. I don't want to end up an old maid, but sometimes it just feels like the deck is stacked against me."

Then she changed the subject, "Do you want to come over to my place tonight?"

Her question had caught me off-guard but I recovered quickly. "Man", I thought to myself, "what I wouldn't give to play tiddlywinks with her." I knew if I played my cards right I might get chance at bat, maybe steal a base or two, or maybe-- if I was really lucky-- maybe even score a home run. Which would certainly be a lot better than staying home playing solitaire, if you know what I mean.

I paused for a moment before I answered, I couldn't just rush in there and start pinning the tail on the donkey or else she'd sink my battleship right away. No, it was clear I needed a plan-- a stratego-- to mastermind my destiny, so to speak. I didn't want to put myself in jeopardy.

"Well sure, I guess", I answered non-chalantly. "What about your dog?"

"Who, Red Rover?" she laughed, "he's a real sweetie. But he won't come over. You don't have to worry."

"We can watch a movie if you want" she added, "I think I have a couple I haven't seen before."

"Oh yeah", I added masterfully, "Which ones?"

"Mmmmm... 'Hopscotch' is one of them... and the other is an Al Pachinko movie I think."

"Sounds good" I said, "Do you want me to stop by Dominoes and get us a pizza?"

"No" she said, "I'll cook something...."

A moment later she said "How about duck?"

"Duck?" I stuttered.

"Goose?" she asked.

"Chicken?" I asked, sounding hopeful.

She laughed and said "Chicken it is then. Don't be late!"

...

I showed up at her place around eight. She lived on Avalon Hill in a nice looking place that was laid out in the shape of a large hexagon. I rolled my lucky dice just for luck. They came up double-sixes, a good sign. I
made it to the door in one move and then looked high/low for the bell. I finally found it and gave it a push. A moment later there was a buzz and she came on the speaker and told me to come on up. So I opened the door and climbed the stairs to her apartment.

She was there to greet me at the door. And she was wearing a slinky outfit-- I could see the coils.

"WOW!" was all I could think of to say.

"Come on in" she invited and stepped aside slightly so I could enter.

As I walked past her all I could think about was her-- "Man," I thought, "before I kick-the-can, I'd sure love to visit her candy land."

She must have read my mind because a moment later she turned around and planted a kiss square on my lips-- it was a real scorcher.

"Tag!" she said playfully, "You're it!" and then she ran off into the other room.

I followed her in and told her in my sternest mock voice "You shouldn't have done that!"

Her eyes suddenly got serious and the laugh disappeared from her face "Why not?" she asked anxiously.

"Because I didn't say 'Simon says'!" I answered.

Instantly the smile returned to her face and she threw a couch pillow at me.

"I didn't really cook anything." she confessed.

"It's okay" I replied, "I wasn't really hungry for food anyway."

"Me neither" she said as she pushed me down on the couch and started making out with me like a woman possessed.

Her hands were all over me like she was playing three-card monte. She had a complete monopoly on my entire world and she knew it. She was laughing and teasing me and she was definitely not playing dodge ball. She deftly stripped me of my polo shirt and then reached down and put her hand on my pinochle. Life had dealt me an average hand in other ways but at least I had a good hole card.

I looked into her eyes, they were dark pools-- "Marco" I said teasingly.

"Polo" she replied as she slid down my torso.

I could feel my heart playing ping-pong in my chest as she stopped with her mouth directly over my belt buckle...

"Truth or dare?" she asked

I must have hesitated too long.

"Truth" she decided as she raised herself up, tore open her dress with both hands and asked "What do you think of these?"

I had difficulty answering her question because I suddenly found my face smushed between two exquisitly-proportioned basketballs with nipples that stood out like lawn darts and I was rendered tittally speechless.

"What does Simon have to say now?" she laughed.

"Fuck Simon." I murmered, quite earnestly.

She wiggled her body delightfully as she worked her way back down again. This time she didn't pause at my belt buckle but instead unbuckled it and reached inside and pulled out my putter, which by this time had turned into a nine-inch driver. I found myself wondering what was par for the hole.

"Relax Tiger" she said with a smile. We've got the whole course to ourselves.

Then she pushed me back down on the couch. It was rapidly apparent that she'd played this game before. She was well versed in both her lay-up and approach and was an expert in with her grip and stroke. Before I hardly even knew what was happening she had me lined up and ready for the shot. With a quick motion she made her move-- a perfect line drive up the middle, out over the rough, across the green for a hole-in-one. And I must say she had fabulous follow-through.

...

We had a wonderful night-- played every hole at least twice. And I still work there where she does, and she's still my boss. But these days I look forward to whenever she rings me up for a bit of dictation. And I must say that playing Hi Ho the Cherrio is a lot of fun too!

*wink*

Here's where I got the image from: Buxom Golfer, go there and buy one full-size.