I was reading Scanner's blog this morning about the Penis & Vagina Festival in Japan... he says "It makes me want to start my own festival here in North Carolina" which of course got me to thinking....

Introducing the first annual "Jesse Helms Penis & Vagina Celebration Festival"...

-- Free Jimmy Hats
-- Safe Kissing Booth
-- Free All-Day Suckers
-- White Pony Rides
-- Swingin' Square Dance
-- Tallywacker Ring Toss
-- Wall-o-Death Menstrual Cyclist
-- Pin the Tail on the Donkey
-- Jack n Jill Marathon Events
-- Free Happy-Hour Cock Tales
-- Limbo Dancing (How low can you go?)
-- Monkey Spanking Contest
-- Kick-Ball Tournament
-- Peach Eating Contest
-- Long-Distance Shooting Contest
-- Three-Legged Sack Race
-- Little-Man-in-the-Boat Races
-- Assorted Water Sports
-- Bush-Whacking Exhibition
-- and LOTS more!!!