Chicago late January 1979 they are showering together Reiko asks Odysseus to pass the soap he indelicately places bar between her thighs she snaps overreacts screams slaps his face slips falling in bathtub she cries kicking legs he tries helping her she snarls quit! quit touching me maybe it is tone in her voice blood rushes to his head heart pounding jaw clenched suddenly he loses it banging forehead against porcelain tile wall she lies face up frozen in terror in bed of tub with arms defensively crisscrossed over chest water sprays down blending with blood not another word is spoken he bloodies towel dries dresses departs wind blows through trees bends branches shakes leaves streetlights casting shadows that look like horror movies on pavement as he walks home from her house in frozen moonless night

his forehead is cut bruised swollen nerves shattered he hides in bed calls in sick to work he calls her numerous times there is no answer days go by he walks to her place leaves pink roses sand dollars at porch door more days pass yet still no communication he sleeps sleeplessly finally drives her BMW back to her house taps on bedroom window it is 1:30 AM she lets him in through front door she is barefoot hair tousled white nightgown smell of ylang ylang sandalwood shhhh she whispers Winnie is asleep on sofa they climb into her bed he nuzzles in her tender warmth whispers whatever you want i will do Reiko suggests they go back to his place he agrees she warns be careful there’s loaded gun on floor next to bed he questions what? a loaded gun? she answers i was afraid you might come after me he searches her eyes why would you think that? looking down she confesses i never truly trusted you i just knew one day you might cross the line he cannot believe what he is hearing he stares into her face look at me what did i ever do to you to mistrust me she turns away in silence he stands walks toward door head hanging in resignation he leaves her car keys on dresser whispers sorry to have disturbed you goodnight Reiko Lee hours later alone he speaks to ghost of Reiko you make it hard for me all the questions i’ve had to ask to get the one answer you knew i always searched for if this is modern romance i’m going back to the caves

day after day overcast skies linger he feels her drifting further away the story is no longer about their love but rather back to Odysseus and his struggling inner world he thinks to himself there is something sick and pathetic about me if i find a woman with the right vagina a vagina i obsess about then even if she’s a terrible bitch i’m surrendered not to her rather to her vagina that’s not entirely accurate i’m also vulnerable to how cock crazy she is for me i realize how superficial these values are like i said there’s something sick and pathetic about me i’m addicted to vagina it’s a disease worse part is i do not want to be cured i’m perfectly happy to be addicted to vagina flash me a furry pussy and i’m a street beggar god please forgive my obsession stupidity oh god me with my cursed goddess fixation and Reiko Lee dragging her ex- the actor and her cocaine and whomever else she picks up along the way are we not each to the other one in long line of lovers? do these journeys ever find home

he sits on barstool drinking beer at Parkway tavern ponders reflection in mirror behind bar feels betrayed on deeper level he misses her feels sorrow orders another beer shot of tequila drops cash on bar walks to phone booth dials her number she answers hello who is it his voice struggles Reiko Lee it’s me Odys what a surprise where are you i hear noises in the background he speaks i’m getting drunk in a bar and thinking about you Reiko Lee you used me after you broke up with the actor you couldn’t face being alone you needed someone to ease you out of your dependency you needed closeness without risking true feelings i was convenient available now your ex- is back in town with showy job and disposable income you’re back on your feet and don’t need me he’ll buy you all the coke you want you used me then you sold me out when i needed you most i’m just a nickel and dime bartender with wishful artistic dreams you played me how could you? i never played these kinds of games on you there is an uncomfortably long hesitant pause then Reiko speaks in hurt voice you’re trying to make me feel guilty aren’t you? i never intended to mislead you Odys i didn’t have a master plan i was aching you were funny sweet charming so easy you took away my pain this is tough for me Odys i feel sad he questions are you seeking pity? you’re twisting everything around Reiko Lee i can’t talk about this anymore he hangs up receiver walks back to barstool throws tequila shot down throat burning realizes he expressed anger when he wants to communicate something different orders another tequila walks back to phone booth calls her number again she answers Odys? he pleads i’m sorry i hung up on you please forgive me Reiko Lee i’m at your mercy i’m down on my knees whatever you want i will do i love you and don’t want to lose you if you cut me down to just once in a while then i’ll be grateful for that one night i want to remain in your life i accept all your conditions concessions allow you all the space you need i will wait out bad timing until it becomes better time she remarks Odys you’re drunk you need to quit drinking go home we’ll talk about this some other time goodnight Reiko Lee don’t hang up on me please hello hello Reiko Lee?

he walks home tries to sleep but cannot gets up walks around writes tonight i dread this whole relationship how did i let things go so far? tonight the fantasy is slipping through my fingers reality grabbing hold of my wrists tonight the irony twists rips to bits telephone doesn’t talk it calls all promises have claws table turns chair squirms room shoves around walls curtain falls tonight the vase is strangling the flowers the romance of the century took such few hours he misses her scent wine dark sea smell her taste touch eyes craziness dysfunction pain voice laughter gestures jokes he misses her insecurities pleas for help he misses her promises outbursts horniness neediness he misses her warm body clinging to him in morning he misses her teasing kidding childlike impulsiveness her fierceness unpredictability he misses her so bad he goes through withdrawals late into remote night

Mom calls concerned Odys are you all right? your voice doesn’t sound right have you been crying you sound weak you’ve got to be strong in life if you want my opinion i think you’re better off without her she wasn’t right for you she was a loser and a user my advice to you is to join a temple find a nice Jewish girl listen to your mother Odys now is a good time to get out of that filthy bartending job with all those drunks learn commodity markets like your cousin Chris he’s doing so well he answers right Mom i have to get ready for work i’ll talk with you soon love you later he feels cold drab numbness goes to work performing duties like automaton customers try to make conversation he cannot hear them manager warns him to snap out of it he returns home to empty house passes out drinking wakes up in predawn wrestles within himself Mom accused me of being weak why is crying weak? i don’t understand i thought i was strong truth is so complicated conflicted compromised it’s difficult to understand i’m weak and strong i’m so weak for her i got to drink that drink forget about her or else i’m going straight over to her place and make a fool of myself i got to drink that drink big gulps swallow don’t cry

2:20 AM following night phone rings he wakes startled picks up receiver hello hello? Reiko’s voice presses urgently Odys come get me i’m in trouble someone is trying to hurt me i need help Odys please come get me he asks where are you who is trying to hurt you is it the actor? what did he do to you she begs please just come get me let me come home with you he questions what happened? she cries i can’t talk about it Reiko Lee talk to me she pleads i can’t talk please please just come get me he asks where are you? Old Town Ale House she answers then hangs up Odysseus throws on jeans shoes grabs leather jacket darts out door runs to corner hails taxi finds her sleepy eyed drunk sluttish sitting at bar in Old Town Ale House he asks are you all right? Reiko Lee what happened to you talk to me she murmurs your place take me home with you he questions what happened to you tonight she whispers i don’t want to talk about it they ride in silence in back of taxi to his place as soon as they enter house she strips climbs into bed nervously questions Odys did you double-lock the door? he assures her yes you’re safe here Reiko Lee who are you frightened of? Odys come here she passionately sucks him in manner she has never done before skillfully working her tongue fingers he wonders who her new teacher is in early morning she dresses leaves without a word he sleeps in Mom call wakes him she insists he attend funeral of distant cousin he rankles inside dismisses Mom’s demand her world constrained by family obligations guilt later he showers dresses takes bus to work his job is drudgery post-holiday drunks overstay their welcome sun has not shown through gray clouds in weeks around 9 in evening he takes break calls her number there is no answer his manager directs him to back of bar in terse tone of voice tells Odysseus to go home i’m taking you off the schedule don’t come back until you get your act together you worry me Odys time passes indistinguishable he calls her repeatedly but there is no answer he stares into space writes i dial her number on telephone stretch out on bed hold receiver to ear listen to the ringing ringing ringing while i imagine her furry vagina this is the sordid exposé of my sex life a vagina that keeps ringing ringing ringing and no one ever answers