Starting my day with SPAM...

MrsRaptor

Location: Arthur, Ontario, Canada
Birthday: May 22

Bio: I'm an old, short, fat, unsightly, grouchy, reformed troll with a bad attitude and a cricket bat. ---------------------------------------------------- I need to state clearly that English is not my first language. There are upwards of 600,000 words in the English language. In my native language there are a mere 11,000 and most of those are entire concepts (kind of like the theory of relativity) rather than words which translate individually. ----------------------------------------------------- Free advice: Don't.

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New list: One of my fun jobs.; helping others when you have no money.

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AUGUST 21, 2010 9:55AM

Rate: 2 Flag

This morning I had two bits of SPAM sitting in my inbox... Right here on Open Salon.

The first landed in my inbox at "Oh-Dark-Thirty" and read:

Hello

My name is gift mabou I saw your profile today at http://open.salon.com and I became intrested in you,I will also like to know you the more,and I want you to send a mail to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom l am.Here is my emailaddress(XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com).I believe we can move from here,Theres a sea between us, love. I wish I could send some magic to make your heart a little lighter. I am waiting for your mail to my email address above. Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life. Please reply me here:(XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com)Foever
Yours gift

Damn... someone sent me a present and I dun want it! Any of you guys want my present?

Then there is this one that came about the same time that Breakfast was being served around here:

Hello
nice to meet you
how are you and how all around you i believe all is well in good condition of health,
Which is most serious thing to me.
Any way my name is miss Jane.
Good and very nice looking young lady and well assured all so.
well lets move ahead, in that i go true your cont on,
(open.salon.com)and it looks good to my Marna of approach,
then i make up my mind to contact you for a better issues.
and all so you can get in touch to my email id.(XXXXXXX@yahoo.co.uk) so that i will tell you more things about me.
(REMEMBER COLOR? DISTANCE?? OR LANGUAGE NOT THE MATTER THE MATTER IS LOVE)
thanks miss
Jane.

I don't want this one either... I already have a wife and I'm not willing to trade her in on a new model. It is too dang much trouble to break new wives in...There's the kids, the husbands, the people popping in and out at all hours of the day and night, the fact that milk comes from the goat or the cow before it comes from the refrigerator, the menagerie of critters and of course the fact that Imma PICKY b*tch when it comes to acquiring wives... I just dun think this one could pass the "entrance exam."

I'm certain that one of you single guys running around here would appreciate this one much moret han I ever would as well.

I admit it... I'm not a nice person... Imma go to Hell one day and all the ice cubes in the world won't keep me from being roasted.