My girlfriend and I are horror film junkies. I'm sure that makes both of us depraved in some way, but at least the truth is out there. So the month of October is very special in our hearts and one of the ways we choose to celebrate it is by watching a horror flick every single night of the month.
Well, we're trying to branch out and between the two of us aren't coming up with a whole lot of stuff we haven't seen. So Katie (the girlfriend) goes to work and asks all of her friends what the 'scariest movie they've ever seen' is. Not grossest, not most disturbing; scariest. Well there were plenty of people who answered with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (one of my personal favorites) and Night of the Living Dead (a movie so boring I'd rather have a lady exam and get on with my day). We both hate old zombie flicks because they suck tremendously and we just watched Freddy slice up Nancy the night before. So neither of those titles were going to work. One suggestion we hadn't seen was Audition.
One of the guys at work said it was easily the scariest movie he'd ever seen and he is a horror expert. So we decide to procure a copy and snuggle up for the scares.
Now, something you probably already know about me is that I'm not too keen on being delicate in my delivery. That being said...
Seriously men! Will you please grow some balls and stop saying a movie is scary simply because some obsessed chick goes bat shit crazy on a guy who's kinda creepy anyway! Audition might as well have been called Fatal Attraction 2: The Japanese Version That is Boring for Most of the Movie then Semi Disturbing Toward the End.
Was it a decent film? Yeah, if you've had enough caffeine to keep you awake through the slow parts. But was it scary? Not really.
I just don't get it. Women have been targeted as lambs to the slaughter for years in horror movies, but the minute a leading man is made the victim, certain guys can't sleep without their Spiderman night light on.
For all of you guys who give props to seriously scary flicks like Texas Chainsaw Masacre or Amytiville horror, we should have a few brews together.
But the next time some dude tells me to watch another movie about a man being stalked, I'm publicly calling out their lack of testicles.
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Comments
Rated.
We can both "do" comedies, but damn few of those are worth seeing twice. To compound our movie watching problems, Amy doesn't "do" horror or sci-fi and I don't "do" chick flicks. Needless to say, we don't "do" a lot of movies in our house.
I'm afraid that I'll have to take a pass on the penis issue, cuz I don't "do" those, either. ;)
And unrelated to real fear, but for some lolhorror, I'd try Drive-Thru. And there was another cheesy, poorly shot, 'Oh my god is this really a MOVIE?!' teen-horror flick that involved a girl getting her head microwaved in a school gym, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Will try to remember - in the meantime, enjoy your movies!
Thoth: I'll have to check that one out!
T.S.: But I'll bet you were a more careful with how you used it after seeing that video.
Safe_Bet: I'm a big fan of watching stuff over and over again, but porn is usually a one time viewing experience for me.
Snoreville: It's true about TCM. But it still managed to make me jump quite a few times.
Tink: lol. this is true
have no idea why it scared me so bad, but it did.
rated for awesomeness in the blunt force truth department.
I also recommend The Descent (for a penis-free scarefest). If I can think of any more suggestions, I'll post them.
Lorena Bobbit protégés (spoiler alert) may enjoy, “Hard Candy”. It stars a pre-“Juno” Ellen Page as a 14 year old who hooks up with and older man via the internet. Guys, you may need to leave the room.
Seriously, real horror seems to have died in favor of gore, which is gross but not scary. The Exorcist really scared me when it came out but I went to the re-release a few years ago and it was kind of laughable, though I do still get turned on my the pee scene. Kidding... maybe.
Owl: I think Tink said it best ;)
Rosie: It's amazing how worked up I get about the dumbest shit. If I could drop some of the cursing I bet I'd be the democratic version of Ann Coulter. And that's why I simply stick with being obnoxious in my own world.
rainee: Psycho is pretty good, but if we're going black and white I prefer the changeling. Not sure why, but that one is freaky to me.
Auntie: I'll make sure to see it before the month is over. Thanks!
MT: I've actually those. I loved both of them =)
Blue: I've never even heard of Nomads, I'll have to look at that one.
Scanner: Willy Wonka was way worse if we're going the kid movie route. And there's always Return to Oz. :)
Mr.E: Awesome, thanks!
Spin: You have good taste. All of those movies are excellent. Hard Candy is completely creepy due to an incredible performance from Ellen Page.
Sheepdog: lol
Jess: The main scary movie I want to see is Paranormal Activity. That may be what you're talking about.
Cap'n: The Exorcist, to me, is one of the only scary movies that has proven to stand the test of time. Almost all of the great horror movies show their age to some extent with horrible effects. The Exorcist didn't make that mistake and that's why it's so damn scary.
But not as scary as the Republican National Convention.
Voicegal: Very good picks.
Viscountess: That sounds awesome. What a weird plot! I'll definitely check it out. Thanks!
dcvdickens: They are both awesome picks. Definitely on my shelves.
I just watched "Splinter" which wasn't too bad. I'd recommend it! "Severance" is a great British film, and the French did something right with "High Tension", props to Mad Typist for mentioning that one. "Shrooms" is also decent.