This is gonna be a quick rant.
And not just one of my drunken, pissed off, nightly rants. Oh no! This is a caffeinated, cranky, 'pissed that I wasted 8 bucks' rant.
Every reviewer that said Paranormal Activity was either 'good' or 'scary' can suck my metaphorical dick. Yes Ebert, I'm talking to your pandering ass.
Every, and I mean EVERY, 'scary scene' in the movie is in the fucking trailer!
I should have known it was going to be bad, but I kept remembering my first experience with the Blair Witch Project and couldn't help myself. The thing is Blair Witch did everything better.
A- They weren't riding someone else's friggin coat tails, so the gag actually worked for the first couple of months.
B- The acting in Blair Witch wasn't shit. By the time the movie was over I was truly happy that all of those douche bags were dead. It's hard to act like that much of a tool when you're not Illene Chaiken or Kanye West.
C- They also didn't rely on some bogus fucking internet advertising scam to promote their movie. Paranormal Activity was meant to go nationwide the moment they'd finished the last scene. They knew they were going to release it all over the states, but they used some lame ass 'the people made this happen' advertising pitch to pander to idiots in the American public. You know, idiots like me.
I was so fucking bored during this movie that I nearly left half way through. The only thing that kept my ass in the seat was the hope that I'd see a couple of gags that weren't in the fucking trailer. Did I see them? Nope! That is, if you don't consider lights flickering on and off a scary gag. I'm not lying here guys, the ending of the whole shitty show is even in the trailer!
Of course all of this doesn't even add up to the fact that I had to eat crow after begging my girlfriend to see it with me. I'm not going to get to pick a movie now for at least the rest of the year thanks to this jack-off of a film.
Do not waste your money on this 'homemade' piece of boring, derivative, and completely uninspired shit.
Watch Jennifer's Body and drool over Megan Fox. I promise, you'll have a much better time.
Fuck you, Paranormal Activity!
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sueinaz
Beth Mann
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Jodi Kasten
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InZain
Salon.com
Comments
I was kind of puzzled about how a $11K film could be like the scariest film ever filmed!!!
Bob: I'm glad they won't be getting your dime!
Where can you see a movie for 8 bucks? The matinee is $7.50 around here. (You know, the one theatre monopoly.)
Perhaps if you put on your thinking cap here you can come up with grounds for a class action lawsuit.
let's see...blatant false advertising which resulted in your unreasonably high expectations. You wanted to get the shit scared out of you, but instead you suffered such profound boredom, disappointment and disillusionment on your part that you have lost all faith in human beings and can't even get out of bed in the morning anymore.
This will discourage future film makers from trying to make a quick $10 million off a totally crappy movie.
I needed a shower afterwards.
Message received. There won't be a next time.
Rated.
Drool over Megan Fox? Really? She falls into the "uncanny valley" for me… something not quite right about the work she’s had done. Then, when she talks… that just ruins anything I might have had for her. Not my type… I guess I like ‘em nerdy…