So this year sucked.  Seriously if an intangible object like a year could suck, 2009 would be the cock smoking champion of my entire 26 years in existence.  But it hasn't won, my friends.  No, this bitch is just too damn salty to have her ass handed to her by an odd numbered year (I hate odd numbers).  I am going to take my anger and anguish from all of this and refocus it into a superstitious intuition that 2010 is going to kick some serious ass.  But before I make a bunch of resolutions that I probably won't keep, let me recap exactly why this year sucked like a Hoover.

It all started in January...

Look at that face.  Seriously, how drunk, stupid and happy do I look in this picture.  This drunken tool is taking one last photo before bed after a night of heavy drinking at the local gay bar.   Her hopes for the future are bright.  She just got a gym membership that she's been using regularly, she loves her job, she just got things settled in her new house, and she only lives ten minutes away from her best friend.  Life is good.

Then it happened.  On Friday, January 16th, I went into work with nothing but the Battlestar Galactica finale on my mind.  Then boom, I was in a conference room with walking papers staring me in the face.  I cried, my boss cried and my friends cried.  It was the best job I'd ever had and I lost it because a bunch of greedy fucks ruined our economy.  After this I would learn the importance of not putting your self worth into your employment status.  I'm not even gonna try to lie and say that I didn't fall into a fairly unhealthy state of depression.

Luckily I had people who loved me.  I have the completely undeserved advantage of being party to some of the greatest friends and family anyone could ever hold dear.

The problem was, the year wasn't so great for any of them either.

This is my best friend, Jen.  To me, Jen is one of the greatest people ever to exist.  We tell each other everything.  And when I say that I don't mean 'everything' in that superficial sorority girl way where you admit that you queefed on your boyfriend last night, though we would talk about that and laugh our asses off.  No, when I say we tell each other everything I'm talking about the deep seeded stuff that you know makes you a bad person.  The stuff you've barely admitted to yourself.  The stuff you don't want to admit about the world around you.  The best part is that we can say these things to each other and then laugh hysterically about how fucked up we really are.  

But Jen has had a rough year too.  Her Mom died, her car died, her job died, her cat died, and her Nana died.  I'm not even joking.  It got so bad that we even went to some bullshit psychic to see when and if this shit was ever going to stop.  She, of course was a complete hack and said that things would get better soon.  Especially for Jen if she spent like a hundred bucks to get her chakras cleaned or some shit.  It seemed like every time we had a chance to just breathe and have fun something else would happen.

My brother didn't have the greatest year either.

He dropped around 2 to 3 grand in his car due to some bad decisions, found out he has blood pressure problems (at 24!), and had to take a job nearly an hour away from his house.  

And let's not even talk about all the break ups!  Dude everybody broke up this year. I nearly broke up with my girlfriend this year.  It was like a chain reaction; one lesbian couple after another.

And speaking of shit breaking, let's take a look at my dining room.

My pipes were an epic fail when it came to competing with the razor sharp teeth of field mice.  And given the fact that I spent nearly the entire year without a job I had to swallow my pride and ask my parents to help me financially with the repairs. And they're not the shitty kind of parents who give you crap about not being prepared for these kinds of things. No, my parents are sweet, reassuring and loving; which makes me cry like a little bitch.  

But at least I have a job right.  It may be akin to slave labor and I get demeaned at least once a day by the asshole general public, but you can't complain about that when you could be homeless.  And I really do say that with all sincerity.  Every time I have to work a twelve hour day, every time I get a dickwad of a customer, and every time I have to ASK PERMISSION TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, I remember that I could be homeless and jobless.   

And to cap it all off, because we can't possibly end things with such a trivial disaster, my mom told me last week that she has thyroid cancer.  Stack this on top of the fact that she has a verbally abusive fucktard of a husband and you get a bunch of battles that I can do nothing to help her fight.   

Now, just to show that I am being objective about things I am going to mention a couple of gleaming moments of the year.  

I had an awesome time at Dragon Con.

My birthday was fun.

I got to have one of those nights that are so good you stay up to watch the sunrise.

I have an amazing family.

And I've got some internet friends that truly are the shit.  

Seriously, I wish I could have been around more to hang with you guys.  And that's part of how I'm going to make 2010 kick ass.  I'm going to take the few kernels of good that came out of this year and expand on them.  I'm going to read more and write more.  I'm going to spend more time with my family.  I'm going to stay up late with my friends.  I'm going to pay more attention to my girlfriend.  And I'm DEFINITELY going back to Dragon Con.  I will fix the holes in my house and take pride in my work.  And I'll try to do all of this with a little less alcohol in my system than this past year. 

It's ridiculous to say I'm going to quit smoking, drinking and eating fast food.  This year I'm focusing on the art of not sucking.  And hopefully, the year will have a little less suckage for the rest of you too.

Happy New Year, OS.  Surely it has to go up from here.

Cheers.