I'm just gonna give fair warning to those of you who get a little queasy at the mention of the female menstrual cycle: this post revolves around Aunty Flow's visit every month. For those of you immature enough to laugh at the Texas Chainsaw Massacre that turns makes us ladies go all Linda Blair, please pull up a chair, grab a beverage, have a seat at my lunch table and prepare yourselves to listen to a story that starts off "So when I had my period last month..."
So when I had my period last month I was faced with the same consumer question that always comes along for the ride: which tampon is right for me?
Do I go with the Tampax Pearle? They are pretty much the Lexus of cotton plugs, what with their sleek form and smooth performance. But do I really need all those bells and whistles? I mean, it is just going up my Hoo-Ha.
What about the off brand bargain tampons? Those are significantly cheaper than the other stuff. But I have to admit, there is something to say about taking pride in craftsmanship. They're just a little lack luster on pretty much every level and today I'm wearing my favorite khakis.
And where is my brand loyalty here? I know that I'm a Coke girl, I know that I'll cut a bitch who bashes my Xbox, and I stand by the fact that Stride gum holds up way better than Orbit. But with something so incredibly personal I'm all over the place. It's as if my vagina has no standards... And that's REALLY not ok.
But then I saw the bad ass packaging of the U by Kotex tampons and I remembered this:
That commercial was, by far, some of the most ingenious advertising I'd ever witnessed in my life. It made me laugh, it made me relate, and it made me want to be just like the clever tampon girl. It also made me recall the brand and hone in on it during my time of feminine need.
But it wasn't just the commercial that had me hooked, it was the incredibly clever and stylish packaging these little torpedo's came in. Check it out:
Will you just look at those bright and beautiful colors. These are some pretty tampons. And besides being a bright spot in a not so bright situation, they have personality. These are not products that you can pull discreetly from you bag and make a quick exit with. They demand to be notice. If tampons could talk these would say "Yeah, she's on her period, so what? You think we didn't notice your annoying mood swings last week? Well we did. And we all took your tirade over the coffee being to strong because we are all in the same boat at some point during the month. We are women and we have our periods and now we are saying it with all the colors of the rainbow. Who said pride was just for the gays!" And they say it with a fist pump.
I was so excited about this product that I almost couldn't wait to show my brand loyalty next month (almost).
Then I used one.
I won't go into great detail about the experience to save the integrity of this piece (ha!) but I will give an analogy that I hope sums up my feelings about the functionality of U.
Imagine going on a date with some really hot, intelligent, successful and witty gender of your choosing, then going home to get busy and finding out that they have absolutely no clue what they're doing in the sack. It's disappointing at first, but you think maybe it's just a fluke; first time jitters. Then you do it again, and it sucks...again.
That's what using U by Kotex is like. It felt kind of awkward at first and in the end it really didn't do the job.
I felt horrible about this. I was in love with these tampons. But we just weren't compatible.
This month I even thought to try out their sister product the U panty liners. They come in the same great packaging and the commercial still applies. Surely we could make a match.
But sadly, I'd have probably come away with better results had I used some napkins from the Chic-fil-a next door.
I looked at the brightly colored beauties in my locker at work and just shook my head as I closed the door on them. I wanted to give them my brand loyalty so much. I wanted to be a U girl. Now, I'm right back where I started. Literally.
The moral of the story here is...
Well there's no actual moral, it's just a story about my period. And a reason to show off one of the greatest commercials ever created by man.
So even if you're not a fan of Kotex. You should totally give props to their advertising agency. Because I'll gladly admit that they have created a true U fan. Whether I use the product or not.