My ex-friend broke up with me about two years ago. She said I was too judgmental and hypercritical.
I was shocked. I cried about it to my husband. “I am not judgmental,” I told myself, and everyone who would listen. Now I’ve changed my mind, and I have a confession to make: I’m judgmental.
Just today, in fact, I was judging the woman who left her big-ass white Mercedes-Benz, engine running, in the fire lane to run in and retrieve her children from pre-school. Did she not think we all would have liked to park in the fire lane and leave our engines running? And I judge Husband just about every day. He’s obviously a lesser-developed human as only a caveman would load the dishwasher the way he does it. Don’t even get me started on the way he folds clothes.
Also, quite unreasonably, I judged the Pterodactyl to be deserving of having his fingers removed when he kept trying to hold open my eyes as he watched the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
I’ve been thinking more about my judgmental nature in the wake of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s trip to “hike the Appalachian Trail.” You know what? I’m not feeling very judgmental about it. I think the reason I’m not summoning my indignation is that I don’t really care about Gov. Mark Sanford. Not that I think he did the right thing - but it seems to me so easy to sit home on my couch and talk about what an ass he is. And I do think he’s an ass.
But I think it’s much harder to openly judge people we know. Frankly, I know lots of people - men and women - who’ve had affairs. Do you think I’ve ever said to them, “You know, I think you’re really a douchebag for cheating on your spouse.” I have not. It just doesn’t seem polite. Instead I’m blogging about it.
I do believe in forgiveness, and that people can change. For example, I do think that if Husband “hiked the Appalachian Trail,” that he would subsequently become a changed man and never “hike” it again, mainly because his “hiking” equipment would be extremely damaged.
I wish I had the courage to judge people who have, in my opinion, lost their moral compass. I would like to silently wish them well, then subtly eliminate them from my life.
Obviously this would get complicated. I’m pretty sure one of the Mothers-of-the-Year I know has a little racist streak. But she is very, very organized, and I might need to take advantage of that one day.
Another Mother-of-the-Year recently told me that she doesn’t let her children watch any television. That’s just not right, I thought. I feel very judgmental about that. But if she wants to have my kids over and help them organize a state-of-the-art stage production with costumes and lights, I guess I’ll let them go.
I’ll just make sure get their boob tube fix before they go.
I was shocked. I cried about it to my husband. “I am not judgmental,” I told myself, and everyone who would listen. Now I’ve changed my mind, and I have a confession to make: I’m judgmental.
Just today, in fact, I was judging the woman who left her big-ass white Mercedes-Benz, engine running, in the fire lane to run in and retrieve her children from pre-school. Did she not think we all would have liked to park in the fire lane and leave our engines running? And I judge Husband just about every day. He’s obviously a lesser-developed human as only a caveman would load the dishwasher the way he does it. Don’t even get me started on the way he folds clothes.
Also, quite unreasonably, I judged the Pterodactyl to be deserving of having his fingers removed when he kept trying to hold open my eyes as he watched the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
I’ve been thinking more about my judgmental nature in the wake of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s trip to “hike the Appalachian Trail.” You know what? I’m not feeling very judgmental about it. I think the reason I’m not summoning my indignation is that I don’t really care about Gov. Mark Sanford. Not that I think he did the right thing - but it seems to me so easy to sit home on my couch and talk about what an ass he is. And I do think he’s an ass.
But I think it’s much harder to openly judge people we know. Frankly, I know lots of people - men and women - who’ve had affairs. Do you think I’ve ever said to them, “You know, I think you’re really a douchebag for cheating on your spouse.” I have not. It just doesn’t seem polite. Instead I’m blogging about it.
I do believe in forgiveness, and that people can change. For example, I do think that if Husband “hiked the Appalachian Trail,” that he would subsequently become a changed man and never “hike” it again, mainly because his “hiking” equipment would be extremely damaged.
I wish I had the courage to judge people who have, in my opinion, lost their moral compass. I would like to silently wish them well, then subtly eliminate them from my life.
Obviously this would get complicated. I’m pretty sure one of the Mothers-of-the-Year I know has a little racist streak. But she is very, very organized, and I might need to take advantage of that one day.
Another Mother-of-the-Year recently told me that she doesn’t let her children watch any television. That’s just not right, I thought. I feel very judgmental about that. But if she wants to have my kids over and help them organize a state-of-the-art stage production with costumes and lights, I guess I’ll let them go.
I’ll just make sure get their boob tube fix before they go.
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teendoc
Martha Nichols
the stand-in
Jeris Donovan
SeattleK8
the squirrel
Salon.com
Comments
*splutters*
Rated for the laugh I got from that one heartfelt emotion.
But being judgmental doesn’t mean being close-minded and uncompassionate. Not at all. My favorite people to judge are people who judge other people. Or as someone I heard giving a speech once put it, “I look down on people who look down on people.” Hypocrites lecteurs!
—Melissa