We came home from The Cruise to an immaculate house. But my children descend on a space like a tropical storm. So by yesterday I was picking up branches and mopping up water. Seriously, they do the same kind of damage.
As I straightened the kitchen, I started washing a measuring cup that was full of a thick, congealed white substance. The more I washed it, the more the stuff stuck to my hands in a slippery gross mess. Finally I filled the whole thing up with soap and let it soak, and scrubbed my hands with a paper towel.
A few minutes later I walked into the bathroom and found this collection on the counter: honey, moisturizer, Crisco All-Vegetable Shortening, a soup ladle, and an empty string cheese wrapper.
And I knew that my daughter, the budding cosmetologist, had been hard at work developing her special face masks. Obviously she doesn’t clean up afterwards; she’s a Diva, after all.
I found her in my bed watching So You Can Think You Can Dance 2012 auditions. She said that she had applied the product to the Tyrant’s face, and the Tyrant LOVED it. Uh huh.
Call this Parenting Tip #479: TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO APPLY CRISCO ALL-VEGETABLE SHORTENING TO THEIR FACES. Also, consider Tip #286: URGE YOUR CHILDREN TO AVOID EATING CHEESE STICKS IN THE BATHROOM.
BONUS TIP: Teddys like dogs more than dogs like Teddys.