Husband and I had a date last night, and we were walking to a restaurant near the beach when a gaggle of drunk young women spilled out of a poolside bar into the parking lot. 

One of them yelled, “Hey, look at this!” and she pulled down her white/… Read full post »

The Pterodactyl wants me to buy him a purse. Obviously he’s gay. Which would explain his fascination with the hair dryer, his weird attachment to anything fuzzy, and his tendency to sing along to Taylor Swift songs. He’s almost five years old and he loves rainbows. Can there possibly be/… Read full post »

Two years ago this month, I was living in an apartment in a nice section of Guatemala City. 

It was a cute little spot, not far from the main avenida, with several little restaurants and shopping areas nearby. It was very safe. It was extra safe, in fact, because/… Read full post »

Twenty-four years ago, I walked down the aisle in a long white dress. 

It was my high school graduation, and that’s how the young Catholic ladies of the Academy of the Sacred Heart entered adulthood. On graduation night, which was followed by prom, we wore long white dresses that/… Read full post »

Well, I managed to get the kids back to school. Even the Tyrant is enrolled this year, although it’s only three days a week. Still, for 12 hours each week, I am kid-free, at least until I begin to use the extended day program at the pre-school, which could be/… Read full post »

The other day Hot Firefighter Husband walked into the kitchen with a sticky children’s medicine dispenser that he picked up from the Tyrant’s bedroom and said, “Sometimes I come home and I walk around the house and wonder what goes on around here while I’m gone.” … Read full post »

“Do you work?” the woman asked me. 

“Yeah,” I said. “I work in the laundry room.”

She gave me her best patronizing smile, and clarified her question. “Do you have a job?”

Feeling generous, I threw her a slow-moving softball. “I’m a/… Read full post »

I’ve always thought that I was one bout of botulism away from my ideal weight. I now know that I’m one-half of a bout of botulism away.

I feel certain my recent stomach woes came from a can of tuna salad. You know - the kind that’s already mixed/… Read full post »

It’s the final day of travel to Cape Cod, and we are finally heading in that direction now at 10:29 a.m. We’ve been in the van for 21 minutes, and I’ve already taken the Tyrant to the bathroom at Stop & Shop, threatened to cut off the Pterodactyl’s hand and/… Read full post »

The Pterodactyl wanted his little sister’s purse this morning, her pink shiny purse with the enormous heart-shaped rhinestone buckle. She carries it everywhere. It usually contains her Teddy, an old remote control she uses as a cell phone, and something ridiculously inappropriate like a screwdr… Read full post »