What would you do? What would you do if your son had clung to life, barely, just barely, for weeks and you did not know from one day to the next if he would live, and if he did live, if he would even be able to function? What would you do if your son was now doing drugs and skipping school? What would you do if that same son, once so affectionate, was now not only affectionate but sometimes aggressive and mean?
What would you do if you saw your daughter slipping away in order to survive? What would you do if you wanted her to have her own life but also you know that the wounds inflicted will take a long time to heal?
Here’s what I am doing at my fancy pants hotel and conference: Sleeping. Staying in my hotel room and not doing the chit-chat catch up thing with people. I am going to go to the Mark Rothko Chapel and sit quietly and breathe. I’m going to let myself do whatever I want for a few days, knowing that conferences come and go. But time alone? Time where the pulling of hands on me ceases for a few days...? I am going to breathe a lot and write.
What would you do?
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Thoth
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Comments
Yes, Rothko. Calm yourself - take a breath.
R
Only through silence can we hear the small whisper of God.
Be still
Take care of you. Sounds like you are.
R
It was indeed wonderful to sit in the chapel and let myself just be. Sitting in a space where time itself is revered was amazing.
And I met that Skeletnwmn and she was great fun! A perfect end to a good day. Peace.
(Of course, I run away to ashrams for weeks at a time - so you know I get this.)
That and some mean-ass fish house down by Galveston.
http://www.kqed.org/epArchive/R910261000
Your situation sounds very familiar to hers.
I'm dealing with a teen w/depression & related rage and it is so very hard to parent these kids! We try to create a loving home environment but there seems to be such a disconnect between parenting actions and our depressed teen's response! It is hard to get support from our community (esp. my teen's school) for a hidden brain illness rather than after an accident or an easier to understand diagnosis like cancer. Brain injurys, PTSD, and mental illness are all hidden in our society. We need to support each other when the caregiving role is expanded to navigate dark scary places.
I send my thoughts and prayers for finding your way on this journey with an open heart and new courage to face each day. And when there is no light, no energy, no hope, then I wish you get the support to take a day off to be soothed by Rothko or whatever else works for you.
The hardest night of my life was one spent in a hospital chapel near the Intensive Care ward in Edmonton, Alberta. The doctor had said my son would not survive until morning. Already I had been told that he would be brain damaged.
My wife and I - and she had nearly died from bearing the child - prayed with a Roman Catholic couple in an intense tearful sharing of grief, worry and striving for Hope.
The hardest part is always thanking God - whatever you conceive the rationale behind the world to be - for caring and walking out to face the world.
In the morning the other couple had confirmation of the bad news. We...did not. Not that the crisis was over - but we had 'Made Our Peace.'
We never saw the other couple again. There was nothing left to say.