Granny’s life is now, and never has been, perfect.  She is, however, happy.  For some reason we so often equate the two things.  We all have in our minds what our “perfect” life would consist of and by achieving/acquiring this, we believe we will finally be really happy.  Getting a better job, making more money, finding the perfect partner, losing that 10 or 20 pounds that we gained and never ended up taking off…. the list goes on forever!  Well, let me take this list of common wants, or perceived deliverers of happiness, and dissect them according to Granny’s World. 

The Perfect Job: Granny worked as a nurse, first in Millard Fillmore Hospital and then for a private practice in Buffalo, New York.  She was the first nurse in the history of Millard Fillmore Nursing School to get married (she will tell you with a hint of mirth that she was lucky to have found a husband who “let” her work).  She regales stories to this day of how she knew from early childhood that she wanted to be a nurse, and how when she earned her degree and began working, she felt like Florence Nightingale.  She worked long hours for thirty years, first making $50 a month at the hospital, and then, by the end of her career, about $3 an hour.  That’s $120 pre-tax dollars a week, or $6,480 annually before taxes.  About half of what the “new hires” made.  She endured the occasional butt pat by some doctors.  She was exposed to sick and often contagious patients on a daily basis.  I will share more about granny’s professional adventures in future posts, but for now, suffice it to say that she did not have The Perfect Job (which, I suppose, means different things to all of us, but would usually include, for most people, low risk of getting infections, avoidance of butt pats/pinches, high pay, and minimal and/or flexible hours).  Despite the imperfections, granny was happy with her job, because she loved (and loves) helping people, it challenged her intellectually (she still reads the New England Journal of Medicine to keep up on medical research!), it suited her energetic personality, and - in all honesty - the extra income was welcome.   

More Money: We all know the research on this, that monetarily “rich” people are no more happy than the less financially advantaged after basic needs are met.  While this may be interesting current research, this knowledge has been around for thousands of years.  Vedanta (Hindu philosophy) encourages meditation in order to break out of the chains our physical selves have us bound by (this includes the mind), so that we can connect with our spiritual self and realize our pure infinite beings.  Essentially, it teaches us that all the “carrots” we are in pursuit of cannot and will not make us happy – they are incapable of doing so, because they are physical and, thus, impermanent.  This is the reason why as soon as we obtain one of the carrots (more money in this case) our minds automatically move onto the next thing that will make us “happy.”  It is a never-ending cycle.  Think about it: you’ve probably obtained many financial goals in your life, and how did you feel afterwards?  Happy?  Probably.  But for how long?  How soon after receiving the raise did it take to focus on the next position, the next raise, the next bonus?  This is a trick that our “monkey minds” play on us to serve the bodily needs over the spiritual needs which are actually the path to true happiness.  I know – it’s easier said than done to live like this, but I am going to share a secret with you.  Meditation helps.  Granny mediates every morning between 6 and 7 in her purple chair.  But even before she started meditating, in all her wisdom, she intuitively knew and lived by the notion that money does not equal happiness.  Granny tells stories of how when she and my grandfather were courting, some of their dates consisted of sitting at parents’ kitchen tables, sipping hot cocoa and eating toast.  If they were really rolling in the bucks they’d go to Freddy’s Donuts on Main Street and buy half a dozen donuts for fifteen cents.  After my grandparents got married, they faced numerous financial hardships, including living through the Great Depression.  Believe me - granny truly knows what living frugally is, and how to stretch a dollar.  Despite the hardships of the Great Depression, my granny tells stories about having dinner parties where couples would take turns showing up with a tuna casserole and everyone would sit around, tell stories, eat, and enjoy each others’ company.  These were not extravagant, expensive events but they were still fun, happy times.  I could elaborate on countless stories in granny’s life that illustrate the point that more money does not bring more happiness, but suffice it to say that granny has never been rolling in the dough.  But granny is happy. 

Perfect Partner: This point is not to say that my grandfather wasn’t fantastic.  He was dapper, sweet, and a total gentleman.  That is, except when he got behind the wheel.  Granny tells tales of my ordinarily polite, reserved grandfather swearing like a sailor and going ballistic at the other drivers on the road.  She thinks that this was the one way in which he allowed himself to vent his pent-up frustrations.  It was certainly unpleasant for her to be on the receiving end of his rants – even if they were, in theory, directed at someone else.  There may have been other things that irritated granny, but the point is that – like all of us – she did not have a perfect partner (nor did she ever, as none of us have, claim to be perfect herself.)

Losing Weight: Granny has a story about this.  When he was in his seventies, my grandfather was sitting at the kitchen table, eating lunch, when he asked my grandmother, “Have you noticed my hair has begun to thin lately?”  He was very proud of his lustrous, red hair; however, he’d been bald for about twenty years! Granny approached him and took his hand.  She said, “Honey, how on earth would it make any difference in our lives if you had hair and I wasn’t fat?”  He thought for a moment and squeezed her hand in agreement.  The answer was none.  It wouldn’t have made any difference at all.

So, what I want to convey in this post, is, you already have everything you need to be happy.  It doesn’t matter that your life is not “perfect” – your spirit is perfect and that is all you really need to achieve true happiness.  More soon on some of granny’s specific strategies that enrich both her life and others’.