Dear Left Tonsil,

 You and I, I'm afraid, can no longer be friends.  I realize this will be a difficult relationship to break off, seeing as how you live in my mouth/throat, but we must part ways.

When I left my parents house I thought maybe you and I had made a mends.  We have lived peacefully, in salivatingly perfect coexistence for years now.  But just when I thought we could put aside our differences, you decide to attack me twice in two weeks.

Has Winston starting pre-school brought back your childhood memories?  Because if you're still pissed about us missing the Kindergarten Christmas Party you should be giving Mrs. Bronchial Tube a talking to, not me!

Are you upset about The Grinch?  I was just trying to be fair by showing the Jim Carey movie and the original!  I know they detoured from the story in the new one, but I'm pretty sure it was still the HEART that was supposed to grow two sizes, not the TONSIL.

You know, the husband says the threshold for a tonsilectomy is four episodes of your brand of affliction as an adult.  You've reached your limit, Little Missy, and as much as I don't want to, I will have you forcibly removed if need be.

I've lost half of my jawline, 2 weeks of Christmas activities, and countless yummy baking opportunities.  We're done, Lefty.  We Are Done.  Your twin, Right Tonsil, will be getting ice cream and kissy-time privileges until further notice.