"these women in fact loving their independence and having the time of their lives? What really goes on behind the closed doors of the millions of single women in America?"

Is being single just about Independence? Independent of what? A man?! We are that, in a good relationship, anyways, which is why those turn out to be happy! isn't it?

I've been single for almost 3 years now. I like it that way. All of my friends are in relationships, except for one who is going through a divorce. I don't think my circle of friends or society as a whole see me any differently now than they did when I was married.

I don't like letting anyone else have power over my happiness, being subject to anyone elses moods etc.

testing without links

Natalie, "I don't like letting anyone else have power over my happiness, being subject to anyone elses moods etc"

In fact, being single is harder, requires more work than when you are in a relationship! I see "double" people as more empowered, less subjects, protected by an invisible ring of protection of care :)

yet some people choose to remain single. they are willing to make sacrifices, live with the hardships, BEC if they loved they would actually BE willing to respect the boundaries relationships confer on individuals. Abuse is something else though - like you, I wdn't live with it either, so we are alike I guess.

Personally I think you have written about an issue that is universal. It is a very complex problem and is the same all over. The point here I think is not to figure out the various differences in societies ...there will be many ...and those differences actually allow the status of "single" to be integrated or marginalized.

My interests would be in the similarities and how can society grow from their age old bias of wanting to see everyone "settled". Where does the fear arise in a society full of married couples when a beautiful single woman comes into the circle. Why do single women fear more than single men? WHy do mothers want their daughters fixed in blah marriages than be single? Why do teens fear being an outsider if not in a relationship? I think there will be a movement someday from thsi growing group to demand their space in the world. be supported and support others in the process.
Rated for relevance and interest.......hope it catches some good debate

This must be entirely cultural I guess. In my country (Argentina) things have changed a lot during the last 60 years. When women got the right to vote, a change began in society at large and women started choosing if they wanted to marry or not, if they wanted to have more, less or no children, and so on. Still, many sectors of our society are still very conservative in that aspect, and lots of people still believe that a woman will be truly happy and "complete" if married to a man who is the bread winner (a very patriarcal look) and of course, many women believe that too. But all in all, there is no discrimination toward single women or divorced women in Argentina as far as I know. It must have been a very strong battle for many of them in the past to gain this right to choose.
Rated,
Marcela

Being single, whatever your sex, in the UK is meant to be socially acceptable; and to a certain degree it is.

However, you always find that the older you get and remain single there is always the question, "you're still single?"

It seems that no matter how hard people try to accept that some people are just happier that way there is still a certain level of social stigma around remaining single throughout your life.

Tabb, "socially acceptable; and to a certain degree it is" - am extremely interested to learn more about that "degree" you mention. Where exactly, in what kind of situation would a single person be held back from doing most of the things that notsingle people can do? Can we have a dialogue abt it over here please? when you were single, did you feel you were really free to live the way you wanted to? If there was even one piddle little instance where u may hve felt uncomfortable abt ur status, wd you share that please?

I will be following your blog. I am single, not by choice. My husband died suddenly when our son was 7 months old. I live in a community in the southern US which is quite financially prosperous. Single women are ostracized to a much greater exclusion than men.

Let me give you one example. My church is a large Episcopal church which encourages spiritual development through small groups. I asked to join one of the two groups on parenting. I was told NO because they only allowed married couples. Than a group of single mothers asked to start a small group. "Go ahead" we were told "but you will need at least 12 people." We asked for help identifying other single parents and received none.

This is how singles are treated in a wealthy, rich in resources church which is expected to offer some modicum of empathy. The lesson here is - don't commit the sin of singledom. And don't ask for help.

Marcela, "there is no discrimination toward single women or divorced women in Argentina" - wow! you are fortunate. didn't know this.

How long does a single women have to wait after she applies for adoption of a child? or for single men to become parents through IVF or adoption?

In Sweden which is rtd as the country with one of the best GE, "In Sweden, a parental allowance is paid out for a total of 480 days when a child is born or adopted. ..A parent adopting a child is entitled to take leave from work for 1.5 years from the time the child comes under his or her care."

Sourced at sweden(dot) se/eng/Home/Quick-facts/Facts/Gender-equality-in-Sweden

Does Argentina have clear policies regarding adoption rights and associated welfare measures?

I'm with mad mother! I've been the family tool and the cash cow; the one treated aggressively and rudely by the wife-zillas and mom-zillas; and ripped off, just because I am alone and single.

The benefits of being single? Most of us have to be whole women, able to take care of others and ourselves. We get to think about and discuss everything and we get to learn how to do everything, if we want to.

I just cut out the couple-zillas and hang with the emotionally secure, socially capable and reasonable folk, whether single or couples. As a result, I have far better people in my life, and a lot less unnecessary and emotionally draining drama.

(And I despise when bickering or needy married folk need for the rest of us to stop everything and support their worthless personal drama.)

Hi Nabina!

This is an interesting post, in so many ways, and I'm going to come back later to read it more carefully and comment in more detail.

In the meantime, Singletude is one of my favorite blogs, also. Here are some other "single American" blogs you might find interesting as well:

* Living Single

* Onely: Single & Happy

* The Spinster Chronicles

* Singlutionary: Stories, advice, humor & love from the last single girl standing

* First Person Singular

* Unmarried Blog (blog of the Alternatives to Marriage Project)

* Quirkyalone.net

Quirkyalone is one of my favorites. Whereas the others tend to be female-focused, QA is for anyone (men, women, whatever!) who enjoys being single. QA started as book (by Sasha Cagen, a Bay Area writer & community organizer), became a social movement, and now has this blog which is evolving into an online community.

It’s just been redesigned, and is in the process of relaunching as a group blog. I will be the pop culture columnist, along with other new columns such as advice, books, relationships, politics, etc. We’ll begin posting our columns next week, or the week after. So stay tuned. ;)

Deborah

Mad Mother, "the sin of singledom" - ouch, that is harsh, something I can relate to completely and sense your anguish in those words.

am fortunate to hve you wander into this space. hope we can engage in a dialogue to facilitate this QUEST* to discover the common strains that underlie gender discrimination in terms of the nature of violation of human rights across cultures.

in the light of what you say it is obvious, if there was a movement to empower and scaffold single parents, single persons, you would want to be a part of it, right? Could you tell me more about how you had felt this group might have been a support for you (if you succeed in building it).

Can I interview you long distance through PM or phone? You see, I haven't access to univ grants or sponsors, right now I don't even have enough support (my own director hesitates to be a part of this at this point and understandably, she has always been married and that too to a world champion and celeb, she probably never had an opportunity to taste the bitter struggle of survival that single people face),

so the blog is this 'poor' researcher's resource, :) using it a doable strategy for gathering facts to build a case that could be used to create an empowerment group to bridge social gap, through private enterprise, you see? govts would twenty years later follow.

* Question-Understand-Explore-Synthesize-Think

"treated aggressively and rudely by the wife-zillas and mom-zillas; and ripped off, just because I am alone and single"

Zuma, coming from YOU, one of the stronger members of the community of single women, residing in a so-called progressive country, this is a huge testimony to the fact of global gender discrimination perpetrated by married WOMEN. It is interesting - consistent with my theory that most of our misery stem from cruelty and insensitivity and lack of support from other women.

Would you let me interview you, please, long distance, through PM?

Sincere heartfelt thanks for engaging in the dialogue here, to help explore-study issues related to single persons welfare, globally.

Romadi, you are absolutely right on, "My interests would be in the similarities and how can society grow from their age old bias of wanting to see everyone "settled" look forward to hearing about your own discoveries and theories as you experienced life in both East and West. akta interview debey, sometime, pl? :P (dhandabaj bangali?)

Hi, Deborah, glad to see you here at last... you wd notice I already linked up all of the sites you mentioned, in the left side bar for those that might want to read, thank you. some of these I had already discovered while writing the post and linked up with extracts in the bottom of the post, as you might notice.
Your timely letter served to reaffirm my hunch that I had indeed picked up useful links.
wd wait for you to come when you hve the time to open this dialogue up further. I wd watch out for QA dot net.

Rolling - I love the concept of inteview via PM.
Being a widow is a subcatagory of being single. Being a widow with a young child is an even smaller catagory.

My favorite line out of Julia Child's "My Life in France" is when Julia is complaining about being a "widow" when Paul is on lengthy travel and then she remembers her friend Avis is a widow at all times. What a generously thoughtful woman.

What I would do if other mothers were so thoughtful. One woman said to me this summer how fortunate I am to be able to do things alone because she longs for time to herself. Does she long to put her child to sleep by herself every night. Does she long for conversation to end when her children go to sleep? Does she long to work out childcare if she wants to take a walk? I'm just wondering why it is so hard to imagine what being alone is really like.

I would like to add something about kitchen inventions...my husband's grandmother (a Russian peasant immigrant) invented the pressure cooker, as well as refrigerated compartments to the "icebox". She did not speak English, and as a result was taken advantage of, but it does not take away from the facts of her accomplishments.

Secondly, I was single (and prepared to stay so) for 15 years between my marriages. I had no desire to marry. Was it difficult, yes, but when I looked around and saw so many miserable people who were married, I knew I could take care of myself. Granted it was at times difficult to make ends meet, but I would not sacrifice my existence just to be joined with some man who could provide financially. I wanted a partner, a person who stimulated my mind, challenged me to be better than I was alone, and if he never showed up in my radar, I didn't care.

Perhaps is was my accepting of myself as all I needed that attracted a like minded person eventually, but I sure was not looking.

This was a very thought provoking piece, I enjoyed it.
Rated

One thing that you are overlooking Rolling is that single women are generally the happiest group of women overall. Survey after survey has come up with this surprising, and mostly unheralded, fact. I am happily married but I was single a long time. I chose to get married; I didn't do it because I was miserable or unfulfilled. I always tell my husband that it's better to be wanted than needed, and he agrees.

I am so glad that you are thinking of starting this group.

I think I can find some pretty interesting, though not groundbreaking, pieces that are related to this.
My mom got me a book called, "Against Love." It is an interesting, though slightly repetitive diatribe against the idea that everyone must marry. Here is a description.
"Less against love than against the cultural constraints that leads us to create wrong-headed ideas of love, this is book is the perfect antidote to any lingering social guilt about being happily single. Against Love: A Polemic will both shock and irritate, especially when you find yourself nodding your head in agreement while laughing at another broken taboo. Laura Kipnis (author of Bound and Gagged, Ecstasy Unlimited) clearly enjoyed writing this; she lets her wit run rampage over classic married situations and human emotions with results that include comparing adulterers to freedom fighters (using sharpened spoons to tunnel out from under love's barbed wire fences) and referring to tearful confessions of cheating as "funny little couple rituals." These make it fun, but the iconoclastic beauty is in her questions. How did good relationships come to be considered work instead of play? Why, unlike most of history and many other modern cultures, do Americans assume love and marriage go hand-in-hand? What lead to infidelity committed by public figures becoming a source of outrage? Kipnis doesn't have answers. Although urging us to have more compassion for our own desires, she expects her readers are smart enough to supply their own in response to her ideas. That attitude itself is a treat--if you're prepared to keep up through a complex whirlwind of Freud, Marx, Gingrich, Wollstonecraft, and several generations of pop culture. Jill Lightner --This text refers to the Hardcover edition." I remember reading it and feeling that the woman to me is too permissive of adultery, but she asks good questions about why marriage even came to be an institution.

At least in the US, there is a book I have meant to read and have seen quoted that I hadn't read yet. It has to do with "The Two Income Myth," the idea in western culture that you can't live without two incomes. I can't find one exact title, but there are several books, I think, that would discuss it.

Recently, a woman writer for the Atlantic Monthly wrote a piece questioning her own marriage AND the institution as a whole. Here it is:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200907/divorce
"Let's Call the Whole Thing Off."

This is a fascinating analysis, Nabina, and you raise a lot of intriguing questions. I love the idea of approaching this from a more inclusive perspective—the more you can bring men and women together to fight systemic oppression in your country, the more powerful you will be as a group. The women’s resource center models I am familiar with encourage the participation of men, as well as women. But this idea of focusing specifically on the singles in your society is interesting—I hadn’t realized men who were single suffered discrimination there, as well as the women. As long as you don’t think the goals of your group will become diluted by broadening or changing its focus, I think it’s definitely worth pursuing.

—Melissa

OK, I think you may have also missed MY point. Maybe I was inarticulate, or expressed it poorly. My point is that single people are not any more miserable than married people, and studies actually support that they are happier as a rule.

My single friends, and I have many, are as much a part of my life as they ever were. I have never been one of those women who abandon their friends just because they find a man/get married or whatever the case may be. That is a pretty big assumption to make about me.

We are on the same side here, Rolling. I am not sure why you think otherwise. As I said, perhaps I expressed myself poorly.

I also want to add that I am sorry that you are being treated so badly. I hate it when women are punished just for being single. I don't see other women as competition -- if I did, that would mean I didn't trust my husband and I do trust him. I don't understand women who are that insecure and needy. They betray themselves.

At 30, I knew I wanted to live a different way. For a responsible, well respected, professional, yet sometimes bohemian female, I just didn't want to do "it".

Maybe society can't figure me and those like me out, but I don't care. I supposed it's respectable to be married but if you know you don't want to, then you shouldn't, right? Right.

Here's a quick story about people I know. A 45 year old husband was betrayed by his wife. She divorces him to marry her lover. The husband is devastated but quickly gets on the dating wagon because he's GOT to get remarried. He dates feverishly until he finds a 33 year old woman. He's got to get married before his exwife remarries her lover.

The ex's marry within two weeks of each other. The man also told this 33 year old that he does not want anymore children.
No kids for you! This new wife knows that he loves her enough, just not the way he loved and adored his first wife. But, hey...she's married, he's married, it's all good and that's what's important. This man (in his own words) said that it wouldn't be respectable for a man in his position to not be married.

Speaking as a person from NYC, USA, my philosophy is you can either buy into it or not. I understand that this doesn't apply in certain cultures. I don't buy into "you're still single" and all that goes along with it. There's a joke that goes something like....In my 20's people would ask When are you getting married? In my 30's it was - You're STILL single?? In my 40's it's "You're SO lucky'!

I've just never experienced any discrimination on a personal level. I haven't been shunned or forgotten by married friends. I'm lucky and extremely embraced. It's just not a big deal.

@ Emma "I don't see other women as competition" "We are on the same side here, Rolling" "I have never been one of those women who abandon their friends"
Of course I do know that! is why I value your views so much. Yes, Emma, single people ARE not miserable. They ask to be accepted as they are. :)

The only 'assumption' nay, conclusion, I drew from what you had written earlier is that, you THINK that I think singles are miserable. No where in my writing do I say they are, only that there is fear of the singles in general and some amount of repression in all cultures. Emma, sorry if I misinterpreted.

@ Mad Momma, "Rolling - I love the concept of inteview via PM." Thank you :)

@ Buffy, it is sad that your husband's grandmother did not get credit due to her (is that what you are saying?) and am sorry about the way she was treated for not speaking English.

When you say, "I would not sacrifice my existence just to be joined with some man who could provide financially. I wanted a partner, a person who stimulated my mind, challenged me to be better than I was alone, and if he never showed up in my radar, I didn't care", you reiterate my exact thoughts and many other single people - men and women's too, I guess.

"This was a very thought provoking piece, I enjoyed it" thank you for taking time off to participate in this discussion.

@ Delia, as usual you got straight to the point and I thank you for that. It would also be interested to know, the specific ways life is diff for single people compared to married people in your community, a first hand docommentary, in your trademark style, on the realities of life around you, if you feel upto it. That would add layers and help develop the right perspective.

@ Grandma, "the more you can bring men and women together to fight systemic oppression...the more powerful you will be as a group" absolutely. Only I choose not see repression and discrimination as a country or culture specific issue. It is a world wide phenomenon. Recently, while reading up on Sweden, I discovered that "The Discrimination Ombudsman was established in 2009 to replace the Equal Opportunities Ombudsman, the Ombudsman against Ethnic Discrimination, the Disability Ombudsman and the Ombudsman against Discrimination because of Sexual Orientation.

At the same time, the seven anti-discrimination laws were replaced by a single law, the Discrimination Act."

All of which indicates, that men and women, single or married have a cause they can fight together for. Only singe people's discrimination is subtler, difficult to pinpoint, harder to bear with as it attacks deeper parts of your self and is disruptive in nature. If you are forced to live in a ghetto bec you cant find a house in a decent locality, one day you decide to abandon a dream job and leave, bec your employers are blind to the fact that you are having problems bec you are single!

"As long as you don’t think the goals of your group will become diluted by broadening or changing its focus" yes, which is why vanguards ought to be in place. People who would take care of that.

I am so grateful for the wisdom you bring into this, and reassured to have you around, do share stories of single people you might know, if you would? Or your theory about where the fear of singles spring from - it is there in every society it seems, almost universal, global.

@ Genie T , your story was interesting. The joke carries the seed of what needs to change: WHY I luckier if I am single at forty? Does that mean people think I have more than they do and therefore, should forfeit the right to complain when things go wrong? The idea, "you are diff" is the seed idea in all of three reactions in all the three stages described in that joke. There is a narrative of "we and them" in that joke, which is detrimental to the general well being of the community as a whole - if we wish to be whole and not keep the walls up on grounds of gender, marital status etc. Thank you for the story, hope you visit again and great to know ta least you have been lucky - :)

I think that women who weren't married were more looked down on. But now there are so many divorces that there are no clear-cut stereotypes.
It is a lot easier for an older woman to marry now.

yes, Kathy, you r right that some things are now easier to do bec people had stood up to the inequities in their time. they left a legacy we enjoy minus the knowledge abt the struggle it must hve been then. hats off to those pioneering souls :)

I am a bit late to the discussion but wanted to add my thoughts.
I am 60 years old and when I was younger it was expected that women would marry and have children. Looking back I realize that I would have made a much better single person. Not that I don't love my three children because I do very much but speaking about myself as an individual.

I always told my daughters that it is perfectly acceptable for them to not marry and that I will never ask them when I'll be a grandmother. Actually, my son took care of that for me. One of my daughters is married and one isn't. My best friend is also single and I regret that you do not find the same tolerance in your country.

I admire single women very much and actually hope to be one some day as I am currently married and only bound by financial difficulties.

You have my highest regard for your efforts to better the lives of singles in your society and I send you wishes for strength and inspiration.
Biggest Hugs,
Sharon

better late than never. thank you Sharon. hugs returned :) take care and stay well.

Thank you for this post, it is very informative. The different responses are great to read as well. Independence is a great thing and something that should be available to everyone regardless of gender. As far as how that independence is defined - to me it would mean 'independent from all' as in, can provide for a level of comfort and growth without directly relying on others. Unless we live as hermits (not a bad thing), there are eventual points of interconnectedness that will play out in which we either help or are helped by others. I think that's the 'working phase' of independence. It allows for a measure of mixing with society at a level comfortable with the one that considers him/herself independent.

All that said, in the end, independence is only as good as how it Works for the person in question. I prefer a level of independence in which I have a partner with whom that same level of shared independence is key to balance and happiness. As was once told to me by someone I care about - "Yes, let’s be trees in this relationship. But let's grow with enough space (independence) between us that we are not intertwined and stunt our growth. Let our branches and leaves caress each other." So; In my case, I prefer a measure of independence without the loss or what I would define as loneliness.

We each have a level we are comfortable with; some at the hermit extreme and others at the ‘always’ married/committed' extreme.

Peece!
dj

“Only I choose not see repression and discrimination as a country or culture specific issue. It is a world wide phenomenon.”

You are absolutely right about this, Nabina, and sadly so. The reason I mentioned your country is because your organization will need to stay focused on the ways in which discrimination plays out specifically in your culture in order to be most effective. It would obviously be impractical to attempt to tackle repression worldwide—although you are wise in studying the patterns of bigotry in other countries so as to better learn how to battle it within your own. From your past writings, however, it does seem there are definitely some concrete culture-specific practices your organization can focus on eradicating, so that’s why I honed in on India in particular.

“All of which indicates, that men and women, single or married have a cause they can fight together for. Only singe people's discrimination is subtler, difficult to pinpoint, harder to bear with as it attacks deeper parts of your self and is disruptive in nature. If you are forced to live in a ghetto bec you cant find a house in a decent locality, one day you decide to abandon a dream job and leave, bec your employers are blind to the fact that you are having problems bec you are single!”

Perhaps your organization can begin by collecting stories. Some people may not be comfortable attaching their name to these testimonials because of the risk, but if you can begin gathering fragments and sharing them here and in other online or print venues, readers will begin to get a sense of how discrimination plays out in people’s everyday lives. Those individual stories will be able to tell a far more powerful collective story about the impact of prejudice on communities.

“do share stories of single people you might know, if you would? Or your theory about where the fear of singles spring from - it is there in every society it seems, almost universal, global.”

Michael and I have many friends who, like you, have chosen to be single. There is a certain strength and independence that comes with that life choice. But, as you’ve also pointed out, there can be a vulnerability and exhaustion that comes from having to do everything by yourself. Our best friend lives in the Bay Area—one of the most progressive parts of this country—and when we shared your story with her, she mentioned how she experiences sexism there every day, as well. As a single woman, she is subjected to the leering attention of men who attempt to pick her up (despite her dressing in black and being assertive and clearly uninterested). It’s gotten so she isn’t comfortable going to the gym because she can’t exercise without someone giving her unwanted attention. One time while she was walking in San Francisco, a psychotic-looking man began chasing her, and she ran for blocks until two women pulled up in a car and told her to jump in, as they had been terrified witnesses of the scene. We’re so grateful those women intervened, as there’s no telling what could have happened if he’d caught up to her.

Of course, those are more blatant examples of how single women experience harassment here, but as you know, the infinitesimal ways in which bigotry is practiced can also be dangerous—primarily because they are so invisible. That’s why raising awareness and sensitivity is so important.

I wonder if you could put together a survey specifically targeted at singles that could be shared here for feedback. You could even announce an open call asking singles to share their stories of discrimination. This would again be another way of collecting narratives about this experience of cross-cultural discrimination.

—Melissa

First off, thanks for your shout out to Singletude! I really appreciate your support.

I also applaud your efforts to combat discrimination against single women in India. Since I started my weekly "Singles in the News" series, collecting headlines about singles from around the world, I've gotten an education about the single women's movement in India, and I have to say it's reminded me how blessed I am to live in a country in which singlism is mild in comparison. But just because it's mild in comparison doesn't mean it doesn't exist. In fact, the subtle discriminatory attitudes that some of the commenters here have mentioned are sometimes the most pernicious forms of singlism because it's hard to confront something so intangible.

The questions you're asking are important ones, and the answers to some of them could probably fill several doctoral theses! :) Even though it's just scratching the tip of the ice berg, I'll try to answer some of them from my own perspective:

1. Yes, singlism and sexism are problems in U.S. society. Singlism takes two forms--the legitimized discrimination against singles built into our legal system and informal social discrimination. It's been estimated that married couples in the U.S. enjoy over 1,000 legal benefits that singles are denied. Many of these help to bolster their financial position. Social discrimination is more insidious and encompasses everything from movies that consistently portray singles as losers to employers who expect single employees to work longer hours to friends who constantly ask why you're "still" single. I won't even get into sexism since that's a whole other story.

2. I think some people feel threatened by singles, others contemptuous, sympathetic, or just plain mystified. Regarding those who feel threatened by singles, in any country, fear always accompanies change. For various reasons, global industrialization has resulted in an increase in long-term singles. Unfortunately, that clashes with what a lot of people were taught about the importance and inevitability of marriage, and that produces anxiety.

Also, people tend to fear what they don't understand and are biased against those who are different. Since a lot of people either are or want to be married, they don't understand why some people aren't or don't want to be. That must be uncomfortable for them, especially if they're not that happy in their own marriages or fear that their spouses aren't. Contented singles unwittingly broadcast the message that the single life is a pretty good deal, and that probably inspires envy, regret, resentment, and a host of other negative emotions in the hearts of married couples. On the contrary, the happily married may worry that their spouses will "get ideas" from these contented singletons. All of this produces a strong defensive (or even offensive) reaction in married people.

In America, I think this is compounded by the stronghold that Christian fundamentalism has here. Fundamentalist Christianity emphasizes the marital unit as the building block of the church, a social unit blessed by God, central to a healthy population. Although not everyone in America is a Christian by a long shot, this idea that marriage is the foundation of society is deeply ingrained in our culture. Therefore, a lot of people believe that any swelling in the ranks of singles is an attack on the family life that they prize.

Furthermore, married people have power in the U.S. As I mentioned, they get a lot of legal and financial perks as well as more respect and acceptance from others. History confirms that people who occupy positions of power usually want to protect that power. Nowhere is this more true than in the super-capitalist United States, which encourages a brutal, every-man-for-himself mentality that pits "winners" against "losers."

Finally, since around the 1980s, when divorces peaked, our country has been fed a lot of research on marriage, and this research is almost always twisted to affirm that married people and their children fare better in every respect than singles and their kids.

3. It's hard to make generalizations about how singles live in the U.S. Single or married, there are lots of different lifestyle choices we can and do make. Some singles are wealthy professionals, and some are poor laborers just scraping by. Some live with roommates, some with other family members, and some by themselves. Some choose to date, and some don't. Some are happy being single, and others aren't.

As to how singles are thought of, I see two main myths surrounding them: They are presumed to be either dysfunctional failures who couldn't find anyone willing to marry them or shallow, materialistic players, too wrapped up in themselves to care about anybody else. No matter why they're single, they are always, always assumed to be "less than" in every way--less happy, less healthy, less sociable, less generous, less mature, etc., etc.

4. Yes, sometimes singles are pitied and assumed to be defective.

5. It would be nice to believe that Western inventions arose because the inventors were looking for ways to make life easier for women, but I suspect their enthusiasm for household appliances had more to do with the profits they thought they could make from them. ;)

Again, I think it's fantastic that you're taking up the cause for singles! I wish you lots of luck with it and am happy to help in any way I can.

Very interesting. I like your idea of a SPEG. I think you're right in that there is a social stigma against single people. Especially single women. Men are teased about "losing their independence" when they get married. Women are not. I know I'm generalizing here, of course.

Very interesting discussion and something to think about. Rated.

Singletude, I cannot find the place where I had left a message for you. Could you, would you PM the links again please? and thanks a ton for adding another layer to this discussion here.

Gwendolyn, the same goes for you too. Do you know of specific stories tht you might want to share here or maybe you could do an interview at your blog and let us know. I loved you interviewing your artist hubby :) thank you so much for stopping by to read and take part

Nabina

I've been married for 36 years, so I can't really speak to how it feels to be single. In this country, it's harder to earn a decent living only in the fact that inflation is so high, it takes two incomes in most cases to live. But other than that, I can't recall and I don't see any real issues pertaining to being single.

Gender bias is becoming less of a problem, finally, but there still are issues, especially in corporate america.

Racical bias, bigotry is still a major issue here. That's where I think the US could learn truckloads from India.