Means now I travel alone

| Also means I now eat alone

Means I can now buy what I please

| Also means there is no one to buy me anything anymore. If I want a chocolate, there is no one to ask

Means now I can go where I please

| Also means I can no longer walk into people's homes without calling first, because they are all middle aged too and have families responsibilities

Means I wake up when I please

| Also means no one cares whether I wake up or not

Means I can be with whom I please

|Also means there is not anyone left that I can want to be with

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Someday this would change. There would be more women in India that would go to college, work, choose not to marry or remarry, live alone, and want a good life.

There would be clubs. They would build places where we can go play - or ride a cycle without a care or go hiking, biking, hang gliding, or bungee jumping and Reebok would design shoes that are not pink or white or lacy-lacy  but smart sturdy shoes with a good grip in the sole, in nice navy blue or brown or forest green or midnight blue fit for a woman that runs around a lot and is on her feet all day long but likes to look good.

They would have parks, where women like me could at the end of the day or maybe on Sundays stroll about in freely or just lie in the grass enjoying the autumn sky. The autumn sky is so blue and beautiful in India and the mornings lovely and cool :)

There would be streets that are washed regularly and not littered with cattle droppings or brown spit from paan (betel leaf) chewing non chalant indifferent men, streets that makes you feel good to walk on early morning.

There would over the counter adoption centres where you can order a baby over the counter. Give them your ova, and your specs and they give you a baby grown in a tube, in a lab and you go home with your daughter born of you but not in you...

There would be a time when the society would grow tired of resisting and would let single women to become mothers without hassles.

There would be a time whensociety would cease to frown upon a single woman choosing to live without a man and instead of persecuting her in every possible way, maybe they wouldhave specialised services designed to help a single woman stay that way? Like housebrokers that deal especially insinel women's housing? Or shopping centres that cater especially to single women's needs? Or designers that design especially for single women?

Single women often have to do everything on their own: file her tax returns, find a house, sell a house, pay her bills, do her bak work, get grocery, washing, ironing, raising baby, doing dishes, cooking,  painting house, changing faucets, light bulbs - because it is not safe to let the male plumber in or get the electrician in when you are alone in the house. So, maybe one day there would be more female electricians, plumbers, brokers, service people that cater to single women?

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Till then?

I dream of when I shall be in the West where they have rapists but also nice parks. I plan to find one nearest to my school and go lie on the grass one day just to see what it feels like to a) lie down on one's back in a public place, b) to see just how beautiful the sky looks when one is looking at it on one's back.

Then another day I plan to find an open space like the ones I have watched in movies - where the land meets the sky - and then - well, simply spread out my arms and run, run, run - far as eyes can see towards where the land meets the sky. O to feel the wind in my hair and the rush of air against my cheeks :) just the thought of that makes me smile and forget all the woes of today.

I have never been allowed to run. Girls do not run. Or walk alone or play out. They feared I would fall down and hurt myself, worse than that, they feared child molesters would get me. In those days, when I was growing up, the cities were filled with people that stole kids and sold them in the red light areas or as servants in far off places. 

And I want to go find out one of these special groups and attend Sunday garage sale and neighbourhood whatever :) and sit and watch open air street plays  without worries about who is watching and being run over by a speeding vehicle.

And I shall join a class where they teach old people to dance. I always wanted to learn to dance but I have been too shy and inhibited all my life.And I shall find where they teach old people to sail a boat and I shall go canoing on my own. But I dont want to learn to swim, I dislike the water. It drowns you and gets you. I love the mountains, they are strong and solid and usually never deceive and uphold and are less fearsome. Also the mountain, while it can hurt you, if you make mistakes, doesn't 'touch' you the way water does - arrrgh - I hate the cold slimy against-my-will-touching like that. No. I dont want to be in water in my skin, ever, but I would sure like to ride my boat across its surface. 

I love to watch water surfing - it is a fascinating sport. In the meanwhile, monsoon rain pours, incessantly, India prepares for yet another Independence Day celebration on August 15, tomorrow, even as social activists like Anna Hazare and Baba Ram Dev fight on for a better India.

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