Yesterday night two very kind and humane colleagues dropped me off at the gates of the YWCA in Lucknow.

The director and I had a nice chat while she interviewed me about my plans and I informed her that I love it here and if everything goes well, would love to settle down here in Lucknow. 

"O and am forty four".

"When do you want to move in?" 

"This afternoon after work? Or maybe tomorrow after work? We get over at 5:30"

"That is fine, our office will be closed at 4:30 but I shall tell the watchman and there should be no problem, welcome, see you at breakfast the next day, then".

I could not believe my good luck and went sailing on cloud 9 back to office. Messaged my boss the good news (by way of keeping him posted about my foray out of office).

 Next day when I arrive the room was locked, it was dark in the corridor as my room mate was still at work, and the watchman did not give me the key. He just stood there directing my colleague not to park inside the driveway, not to come in, put down the luggage right there and leave.

I was perplexed, the room is locked, the warden is not here, it is dark and cold, and even if they unloaded right there in the bare ground in the garden how on earth am I going to get all this stuff heavy stuff in the next building, upstairs, by myself?

So I said, lets unload and let them at least help me carry the stuff and dump them at the foot of the stairs in that building then I shall lug it up from there. So we started, but as I went to keep a suitcase upstairs, the young watchman bhagaoed the 'two men' that had come with me.

I came downstairs and found that they were all gone, I got scared and nervous and scolded the watchman,

"You could have at least asked me before you sent them off! They are not unknown to me and I should have paid the driver at least! Now what do I do?"

I raised my voice. "Please call the warden and ask her what we should do? Or get the keys at least please, my bedding would get wet in the fog"

"Keys nai hain (I dont have the keys). Keys usually are kept with the warden and the warden is not here and no there was no news about you".

I went right back called one of the girls upstairs and requested her to come down and help me with the watchman.

She came, the warden too, had heardthe altercation and had come out.

 

"What is all this commotion about?"

"O hi there, I have arrived, but the room is locked up, it is almost 8-30 p.m. and am tired, he had refused to call you, please help."

She asked the watchman what had happened.

"Mam brought two men and I asked her not to"

What!!!!!

But .... but.... but listen hey!!! you stood there and did not help and would not even let my colleagues help and ....

"Why did you shout Mam?"

"I am old and am hugnry and tired and I was nervous and anxious because none of you were here when I arrived and the room was locked and he would not give me the keys - he didnt even seem to know that I would be coming - so what do you expect?"

"Old?" How old?"

"Well am...am quite old ....  am forty plus"

"What? O-oh sorry. We do not keep forty pluses here".

But your rule book...

"What rule book? Do you know everything?"

"No I just read your rule book and I did mention to you my age the previous day and -"

"No".

Since I had to leave for work, I had put the form and money together in an envelope and tried to hand it to her in her office this morning.

But office hours had not begun.

Well,  I fear that am going to be homeless soon now. Come Saturday, and she would decide my fate, I know she would not throw me out right now, but because she refused to take the rest of the money, or the form, this morning, saying it is still not office hours and that I must make it a point to pay during office hours, I know she would try to convince me to start looking for alternatives. This is the heart of the city, with our store right across from where the building is,  and Igot a lovely set of room mates that are all city bred women and that are allnon-vegetarians and I really would not like to want to be looking once again.

How can I make the payment within office hours unless I take another undue leave? And am already due to leave station this Saturday, on a long leave. Am new here, have not earned that many leaves to want to be careless with them.

What should I do?

Is there some pill that cures one of one's temper and anxiety? If there is,  I would like to take one, and be cured for once and for all. 

I am a single middle aged woman without a husband or a father or brother, nearly friendless, in a new city in India,  how dare I have a temper and let it show in times of stress, huh? Bad judgement, bad, bad, bad, stupid me.

Wallow in self pity, half happy to be going home, half happy to be here, half happy with everythng else. 

But wait, N, before you make this into a whine-post, look around you, isn't that the way life is supposed to be?

Rajat Dwivedi, a  friend on Facebook said those who are growing, constantly find themselves out of their comfort zone. In which case, I must be growing a lot, lol, so my life is perfect in its imperfection and life is rolling! Cheers, everyone. What?