what flower did my ex-husband give me when he met me for the first time?

He did not bring me flowers. After the wedding his mother left me white fragrant flowers on the dresser I never used. I heard that. Why? I do not know.

On my twenty first birthday ? I got bunches and bunches of red roses and golden chrysenthemums - lots of them - the whole house was fragrant for days afterwards

Flowers I took to school for the first time ever in my life for my favourite teacher   the only pale pink rose that bloomed in our garden that year and some red gardenias.

Flowers we went picking every autumn morning while we were posted at Gauhati - white and orange Sheuli - the flowers formed a carpet under the tree O have never seen so much flower together on any tree ever. You could not see the ground until you swept up the flowers. Mother left them on all the tables in little china dishes, in the corners of the rooms at the altar and in the kitchen and in the verandah and the house smelled like paradise. 

Flowers that bloomed in the first season after we moved into our newly built house - golden marigolds - we had so much flower that year the whole neighbourhood marvelled and would proudly show our flowers off to whoever was visiting

Flowers they gave me on my first teachers' day at school - gladioli - red and pale pink and yellow gladioli.

Flowers they brought home at father's funeral - lots of Rajanigandhas.

Funny. In my state they use that for weddings too. Roses are not popular. Fragrant Rajanigandhas are what they use 

what did they surprise me with at my new workplace this birthday?

big red chrysenthemums with a golden heart :) it transformed my space - magic! magical - well atleast till this afternoon I believed they were red Chrysenthemums because that is what I love.Then I caught Mona mention gerbera and suddenly it struck me - yes, indeed, they had got scarlet gerberas....I felt happy because I believed what I wanted to believe :) not that I can undo the happiness or start to be unhappy now.

Do we all always see what we wish to see rather than what is really there?

What does that say about the way our minds work? Why can't I do that consciously ?Bec I feel that is living a lie and the first step to 'losing grip on reality'. And yet how many diff kinds of realities do we create with our minds every minute of our waking lives? 

My best friend gave me wild mountain daisies - I still have them.

Flowers I always wanted but no one ever gave them to me - red and white orchids. I love orchids. This one here seems to be waving, in the typical human hands making the bird-taking-flight gesture:) did you notice?

Flower my students used to sayI resemble - sunflower. Why? "Because you are always smiling" 

Flower that sets me dreaming - huge bunches of rhododendrons - makes me brood about the life I lived in another life time.

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What has been on my mind since this morning is this from The Prophet:

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
      And he answered, saying:
      Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
      But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
      You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
      You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
      And it is well you should.
      The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
      And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
      But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
      And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
      For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
      Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
      Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
      For the soul walks upon all paths.
      The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
      The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.