UPDATED: NOW WITH MORE MISTRESSES
In what seems to be a refutation of the notion that money can't buy you love, Tiger Woods has parlayed his millions and millions of dollars into four separate very hot women. This of course means that, by the laws of mathematics, at least three less-wealthy men are now not going to score with any of them.
A week ago, I'd never heard of Elin Nordegren. Now I find myself wondering "Are those boobs real?" After pondering that question for a few minutes, I can't help but admire Tiger for being as shallow and predictable as I would be in his position.
This woman, Rachel Uchitel, may or may n0t be Tiger Woods' mistress. She says she's not. National Enquirer says she is. You be the judge. I frankly couldn't give a rat's ass, but I do find myself saddened for a woman who feels the need to mar such a pretty face with those ridiculous collagen lips.
UPDATE: Inside sources have notified me that Tiger Woods has three mistresses, not one as I'd first supposed. Kalika Moquin, by all accounts one of the most influential people in Vegas, is apparently one of them.
UPDATE: This is Jaimee Grubb, also a Tiger Woods mistress. I apologize for the low quality of the pic, but I couldn't find anything besides this screen cap to steal.
With the benefit of hindsight, and in the interest of baseless speculation, I'll posit that there's some sort of tension going on in this picture. If Tiger and Elin weren't both fabulously wealthy, while I'm having trouble keeping the minutes on my cell phone paid off, I'd feel sorry for them.
Note: All photographs shamelessly stolen from the Internet ©2009
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In a story of little or no interest to many people, the first Marines in our nation’s new surge of troops to Afghanistan are slated to arrive there on December 16th. Tiger Woods couldn’t be reached for comment, though I'll pretend that Rachel Uchitel’s attorney says he’s "hopeful that a Vietnam-like quagmire which might be the ruination of our country can be avoided."
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Comments
As far as that Uchitel woman.. those lips are enhanced? Well if so then THAT is probably going to be the next big story. All I can say is Tiger, score a little birdie for me!
No one want s to hear about all that Afghanistan blah blah blah...........
Me too.
Rated.
Even though there are a lot better pictures out there.
Read "Dispatches" by Michael Herr or "Once Upon a Distant War" by William Prochnau, assuming you haven't already. I just went through them again, and the parallels between now and the late 60s really worry me.
Who's the new Westmoreland, I wonder. And more importantly, where are are journos of the calibre David Halberstam, Neil Sheehan, Peter Arnett, Sean Flynn, Dana Stone, Tim Page ... oh yeah. Wait. I forgot: They've been assigned to the Tiger Woods tragedy 24/7.
A lovely distraction, and in tiger's off season to boot.
While personally I agree that pussy is interesting and it does distract me as often as I can let it, I find myself caring less about someone else's illicit access to it than perhaps, based on media coverage, I should. Where the fuck are my priorities?
Chuck, I'm looking into the backstory on Tiger's gay lover even as we speak. If I can't find nothing of a factual nature, believe me when I say; I'll make some shit up.
Nick, there ARE better pictures, but this story was breaking and needed to get to the presses. In a manner of speaking.
B1, for now we have to make do with McChrystal as our postmodern Westmoreland, which I admit is kind of disappointing. I'm pleased to say though that there are some books in a similar vein to "Dispatches" and "Once Upon A Distant War." I highly recommend Dexter Filkins' "The Forever War" or Thomas Ricks' "Fiasco" or "The Gamble" if you haven't already read them. And I'm sure we'll have more future classics from our escalation in Afghanistan. Unfortunately.
Mark, where are your priorities indeed my friend. For shame!
Now, what was that about Afghanistan?
Cap'n, regarding Afghanistan, even a burqa wouldn't be able to hide Ms. Nordegren's assets. She's an affront to the Tehrik i Taliban and no mistake.
B1, McChrystal does seem to know his business. Unlike Westmoreland, who was still trying to fight WWII or at best Korea in the jungles of Vietnam. Of course, Afghanistan isn't Iraq, but hopefully counterinsurgency has enough similiarities in both places for his knowledge to be applicable.
Also, I've been overly hard on Kathy R.. 'tis true.
Also true what I said that if she had written this it would more than likely be on the cover... which, as you say, is the editors fault, not hers...
fruitbats??
oh, and elin's boobs? she's had two kids since then. whether they're real or not, they don't look like that now. just sayin'.
Candace, while as always I thank you for reading, please don't taint my baseless, prurient speculation with facts. I'm trying to get this sucker on the cover.
And Ablonde, WHAT!!???!! Stand by for an update!
(Just trying to help you get on the cover. For the record, I was on the cover here And over at big salon throughout Thanksgiving break... but, text only, no avatar. Then again, for my first Tiger story, which I wrote all by myself... avatar displayed on OS, none at salon. Lessons I learned: 1. It gets people mad at you for reasons you don't control. 2. I now have a complex that Kathy Riordan is younger and prettier than I am. Which she is, but still, jeez).
And Sally, I haven't yet found out who bimbo #3 is. It's not Lady GaGa is it? And for the record, I wasn't in the least bit mad at you. At least, not until I heard you'd been on the covers of OS AND big Salon over Thanksgiving. Now of course my resentment knows no limits:P
i do think you have big time journo chops, :)
And now, ladies and gentlemen, inside sources have revealed that Tiger Woods actually has THREE mistresses! Please come back by and rate for the shocking UPDATE of this breaking story.
In a barely related story, ABC apparently has some sort of problem with Adam Lambert, whoever the hell HE is.
ok, serious tip for cover post, do an article on Susan Boyle's sales, all the records she has broken and add the Nana analysis/twist and voila! front page!
And Ariana, is that the blonde woman who played on Three's Company?
Nope, it's still a non-story. But it has started to snow where I am, first real snowfall this year. It always starts at night--temperature is still too warm during the day...Beautiful in the street-light.
And Boko, it's possible that you missed the irony (I read about irony on Wikipedia this morning) of this post. That would be easy to do, as it wasn't 'til after the pictures, where I had this paragraph:
' In a story of little or no interest to many people, the first Marines in our nation’s new surge of troops to Afghanistan are slated to arrive there on December 16th. Tiger Woods couldn’t be reached for comment, though I'll pretend that Rachel Uchitel’s attorney says he’s "hopeful that a Vietnam-like quagmire which might be the ruination of our country can be avoided." '
In other words, I have no interest whatsoever in Tiger Woods, let alone his women. Since I usually have more fun in OS with comments than I do with posts, here are some thoughts of mine on Afghanistan from a post I've since deleted:
"Should we even be in Afghanistan to begin with?
One of the consequences of the Bush administration's almost unparalleled incompetence is that it's easy to view anything begun under their watch as a mistake. I'd like to take you back in time though, to the period immediately after 9/11. We had just been struck by a terrorist organization which was based in Afghanistan and which was supported by the government there. If Al Gore, or anybody else, had been in power rather than Bush, it's hard to imagine him not going after the murderers who'd just brought wholesale death and destruction to our country, and in the same way as Bush did. That is to say, no US administration wouldn't have gone after the source of the attacks by toppling the Taliban and attempting to wipe out Al Qaeda. No rational person will deny this. Even so, there are people right now who say that we should never have launched our war against Al Qaeda and the Afghani regime which was sheltering them.That is utter bullshit. The fact that Bush and Cheney subsequently under-resourced our mission in Afghanistan in order to focus on the invasion and bungled occupation of Iraq doesn't mean we were wrong in going there to begin with. Our main mistake after 9/11 wasn't in going to Afghanistan to begin with; it was in not going in with the commitment to do all we could in our power to finish Al Qaeda and to create a situation on the ground which would prevent the Taliban from making a comeback. That was a huge strategic blunder, but the blunder wasn't in taking the fight to the terrorists; it was in diverting resources to Iraq before the job in Central Asia was really even begun. The bottom line is this; eight years after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, Al Qaeda and it's enablers in Mullah Omar's Taliban are alive and well, and anyone who thinks it's in our interests to allow them to thrive in Pakistan's tribal areas, let alone return to power in Kabul, is deluded. I don't love war, but people who say that war is never necessary live in a fantasy world.
For the sake of discussion, let's look at what would be likely to happen if we were to withdraw from the region, as many say we should do.
The Taliban, even at the height of their power before 9/11, never controlled all of Afghanistan, and it's unlikely they'd be able to if we left tomorrow. They would swiftly gain total control of the south of the country though, which is their power base. Once they'd consolidated their hold on the Pashtun regions (they are Pashtun nationalists as much as they are Islamic fundamentalists), it's unlikely that whatever regime we left in charge would be able to hang on to Kabul for more than a year or two. So in fairly short order the situation on the ground would resemble what it was during the period leading up to 9/11. The Taliban, with their guests from Al Qaeda, would control most of the country, including Kabul and other large cities, with a rump state resembling the old Northern Alliance clinging to areas where Tajiks and other ethnic groups are the majority.
It puzzles me that any sane person could think it would be in our interests to allow this scenario to play out. Didn't we already go down this road once before? A view commonly put forth by those who say we should just bail and let the chips fall where they may is that Al Qaeda doesn't need a whole nation as a training ground and base from which to plan and c0nduct terrorist attacks. They point out that a lot of the planning for 9/11 took place in Europe and other places, and they say that Al Qaeda is as much an idea as it is an organization with a centralized command and control system. According to that view, our continued presence in Afghanistan is doing nothing to reduce the threat of a future attack on this country.
That is nonsense. For one thing, regardless of the fact that the 9/11 attackers were from Saudi Arabia and Egypt and other places which are not Afghanistan, the fact remains that the geographical location of the leadership behind the attacks was in Afghanistan, and continues to be in the tribal areas right next door to it. Just walking away from the region while that leadership still exists and is waiting for us to go away so they can scuttle back into control of their old stomping grounds is foolish in the extreme. In short, to withdraw now would be bad strategy based on wishful thinking."
I run knee is fun!
My message to you is about the war in Afghanistan and how to end it. Only metal breaks metal, and our situation, thank God, is getting better and better, while your situation is the opposite of that.
Operations in Afghanistan are escalating in our favor, thank God, and Pentagon figures show the number of your dead and wounded is increasing not to mention the massive material losses, the destruction of the soldiers' morale there and the rise in cases of suicide among them. So you can imagine the state of psychological breakdown that afflicts a soldier as he gathers the remains of his colleagues after they stepped on land mines that tore them apart. After this situation the soldier is caught between two hard options. He either refuses to leave his military camp on patrols and is therefore dogged by ruthless punishments enacted by the Vietnam Butcher (U.S. army) or he gets destroyed by the mines. This puts him under psychological pressure, fear and humiliation while his nation is ignorant of what is going on. The soldier has no solution except to commit suicide. That is a strong message to you, written by his soul, blood and pain, to save what can be saved from this hell. The solution is in your hands if you care about your soldiers.
is something happening in Afghanistan? isn't that near Paraguay or something?
*TEARS* He paid me a 7 figure amount to say it from mountain top to mountain top, "Tinky Winky loves tiggy wiggy!"
I know my amount was a bit higher than his wife got. I'm a better whore than she is!! PFFFFFT!!
Plus, I swallow!!!
Be that a lesson to you whores out there. Teeheehee!!
*wanders away*
!
And Tink, you are indeed the best whore I know, and I say that as a man who knows a little about whorishness, as witnessed by this post.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/fourth_woman_makes_tiger_claim_lK2k5l6VOpSFcWQLU4794H
Can you imagine if Tiger and his numbers continue rising like this?