Good Friday to you fine sir! :)

So deeeee-liciouis, nana! I so agree with you on EVERYTHING. Groucho Marx ha ha ha.

RATED!

Apart from his wife and children why would anyone want Tiger's apology? Even more, anything else is more interesting to me than what Tiger does and doesn't do. I think it is more about lynching the dude than just being a nation of busy bodies.

Right on, nana, rated.

Oh. My. Eyes.

I think that really is Tzipi. Her hair is messed up, but that's probably just the camera angle or sunspots or something.

Your whining sickens me.

You sicken me also Drew. PM me later.

i care a whole lot more about the chimpanzee than any of the rest of 'em. there's not enough haagen daaz in the whole world ...

unbreakable just posted a piece about everybody being so angry. i'm gonna nudge her to this, jeff. she ain't seen nothing 'til she sees that chimp.

Send her over Candace. I like Unbreakable, and I've fixed Tzipi Livni's hair in that fake, um, I mean candid shot.

Looking at Tzipi's hair again, I'm realizing "fixed" is a relative term. I think she's damaged her hair with harsh coloring treatments.

I think I'll just wait for the "leaked" sex tape . . . . I mean come on, after all the BS coverage, I'm curious! :)

-R-

harsh coloring treatments? you mean like lye? or do they only use that on lutefisk? hahahaha.

You've got a good point Lady M; Tiger must be quite a stud. Of course, hundreds of millions of dollars tends to have that effect.

And Candace, please don't make disparaging remarks about what is, after all, a heritage food for millions of Scandinavian-Americans:(

just because it's heritage doesn't mean it tastes good. or that you should eat it even if it doesn't taste good. blecchh.

signed,
a Carlson

Blecch about sums it up Ms. Carlson. It's getting worse though; now even the News Hour on PBS is discussing the Tiger Woods Situation as if it were newsworthy. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Once it's all said and done, I'm left wondering if one of Tiger's mistresses has a plaster cast of his penis. Because that, or a reasonable facisimile thereof, would be pure gold on EBay.

Good point Trey. I'm half tempted to make casts of my own vershtuggen to sell as Tiger's plaster of penis. Of course, I'd need to scale it down or people would be sceptical.

Mmmmmkay, as tired of this as I am. I think Tiger needs to just drop trou and make money from this. Hell, go to Penthouse or California Exotics and have a "tiger woods" sex toy line. I don't agree with him cheating on his wife, by any means. But if this whiny brat is gonna make a public fool of himself, he may as well get the most out od it. And he could give all the profits to his wife!

Amen.

I turned on the TV today and saw this sickening BS looking to see if Haiti was getting any better.
If I could have puked I would have.

Nice Friday evening to you Nana. Hope the snow and cold turns warm and spring comes sooner than later up there.
Nice and warm tomorrow here. I am going to the beach to tan some.

Cartouche, Mission, I hope you'll both check out my new website, tigerspeniscast.com. It's the only PGA-approved site that has casts of Tiger Woods' penis. We'll be advertising on Open Salon soon.

That chimp seemed pretty pissed. Are those really Sarah Palin's boobs?

Yeah, I switched to channel 11 PBS, and BOOM, there it was again. Dude resembles Obama somewhat, til he tries to talk. Of course Barack probably sucks at golf.
I care not what he did, or what he does in the future, except that I hope he golfs again.
The only good thing about today's news is that Michael Jackson didn't die.

Yes he was Raoul, and they may well be, but that's only speculation. I think Tzipi has a nicer rack though to be honest.

Trig, with a little luck they'll get a voodoo priest to raise Michael so they can kill him again during prime time.

My god it's still going on. The poor man is by a lectern in a some official looking room. The media are getting more shameful by the second. He's a golfer for god's sake. Nana!

Very good point! This morning, I was watching the Today's show. The first 15 minutes was devoted to the Olympic exploits of the male American figure skater (I do not remember his name), and the last 5 minutes of the initial 20-minute segment was used to discuss the anticipated apology of our good friend Tiger. Interestingly, I was watching the show to the get the latest information about what happened in Austin, which was much more important in my humble opinion. However, nothing was presented about this event. Go figure…

I know Fernsy! The thing that offends me as much as the coverage is the apparent assumption behind it, i.e., that we're all so fucking vapid that we give a shit to begin with.

And isn't it great Kanuk? The philanderings of some dillhole golfer trumps an act of domestic terrorism; nice! We're in the End Times, there's no getting around it.

And hey editors; where's my EP goddammit?

You'll never get a EP for this turkey; you didn't mention Twitter.

Check your inbox Drew; I've got some special Tweets for you, you mean-spirited virago.

Happy Friday to you too Nana....

Isn't a Virago the new sedan from Honda?

That's the Mitsubishi Dominatrix you're thinking of. And Happy Friday back at you Mrs. Raptor!

Every where I turn people are saying they couldn't care less about Tiger Woods and his apologies which leaves me to wonder who exactly is the news media and gossip supermarket rags catering too? Sure the heck isn't me.

Heh-heh.
Good one.

I know, Nana. I'm thinking about whether I have some unusually large ego. So annoying to suggest that we all care. The media needs to be beaten up.
My mother just said, " Thank god Alexander haig died -maybe they won't talk about Tiger."

He appeared on the news here too, with downcast eyes, talking tentatively... There is something I don´t understand (bec. it´s so different from my culture): why did he lose so many sponsorships when the affairs were known? I mean, were those brands sponsoring for his golf abilities, or for being the monogamous husband of the new century? Because, the man IS a terrific golfer... I don´t understand.
Kisses,
Marcela

He should have used a teleprompter.


{[R]}

Painting, AKA, Fernsy, Marcela, Larry, I think we can all heave a sigh of relief now that Al Haig is dead. I mean, I'm not glad to see anyone die, but he was well into his 80s and was a known Reaganite, and his death, combined with the Olympics, may give us a few Tiger-free minutes of TV today.

nana, you fool!! Tiger apologizing to us is big, big news as is his entire affair. The one porn star was impregnated TWICE by him, of course, she lost both babies. I wept for her. I know the feeling of losing babies, well, not really, I had that scare once, during my time with Bob Barker, and he said, "Oh come on baby, one time without the condom isn't going to hurt!!"

I was so relieved when the pregnancy test came back negative.

Moving on.

We should gather about the tv set as they go over and over and over again about Tiger's apology for his indiscretations. With lots of different women.

Did that man ever have his dick out of a hole during that time? I mean, sheesh, I like to play hide the sausage myself a lot but even I take a break, let the bruising go down a little.

P.S.

Tiger ain't all that, trust me!!! Pfffffft. Golfers have less strokes? PLEASE that man didn't even get it on the green before he was PFFFFFT!!!

God, and I fell for that line, "My wife doesn't understand me, not like you do...I LOVE YOU!!" Gawd.

**wanders away**

I love you Tink; you're beautiful! I'll be your sperm donor anytime, and you can carry it around in a special pouch inside your cheeks like a chipmunk or one of those fish where the males have the babies, then eat them and regurgitate them into the female's uterus.

**Tears** I love you too, nana!!! And thanks for the offer. I'm still looking for that special female unit who I can call Joy and she can call me Asshole.

General Brady came really close but then she called me Pudding Pop after wards.

I still lust after her.

But still looking for Joy.

**More tears**

A long time ago I met a girl named Joy, but now, to me, Joy means only sorrow:(

nana, **more tears** Not only are you a scholar my friend, but a poet and a writer as well.

Tiger should have had you write his apology. He asked me to, and I came up with something,

MY DEAR FANS, AND THOSE WHO ONLY WATCH THESE THINGS CAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY GET INTO TWO MAN LUGE,

I AM SORRY, I KNOW I HAVE DIDDLE A LOT OF WOMEN, A CAT, AND MAYBE EVEN SOME GERMAN BOBSLEDDERS, THINKING THEY WERE WOMEN, BUT THEY WEREN'T, THEY HAD THEIR PEEPEES TUCKED BETWEEN THEIR LEGS AND WOULD ONLY ALLOW ME TO DO THEM IN THE BUTTS WITH THE LIGHTS TURNED OFF.

I AM TRUELY SORRY FOR THAT AS WELL. YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW SORRY I AM, ESPECIALLY FOR THE HOUSEKEEPER WHO WALKED INTO THE HOTEL ROOM AND TURNED ON THE LIGHTS.

NO, GERMAN BOBSLEDDERS ARE NOT THE BEST LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, I THOUGHT THEIR ASSES WERE KIND OF HAIRY BUT I DIGRESS.

I AM SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO HAVE HAD TO PUT UP WITH STORIES OF ME IN SEX REHAB ON THE FRONT OF THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER INSTEAD OF THOSE OTHER STORIES ABOUT OTHER STARS IN SEX REHAB.

WHO KNEW SEX WAS AN ADDICTION YOU WANTED TO CURE.

HELL, I DON'T BELIEVE DRUGS ARE AN ADDICTION YOU WANT TO CURE, BUT I DIGRESS.

I LOVE YOU ALL, ESPECIALLY THE PORN STARS, WITH THE BIG TITTIES, AND YOUR O FACES ESPECIALLY.

AGAIN, I DIGRESS. I'M SICK AND NEED TO BE SPANKED BY A GERMAN LADY.

THANK YOU,

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A BETTER TOMORROW, YOUR FRIEND AND PLEASURE TOY,

TIGER WOODS.

TEEHEEHEE. I SAID WOODS.

I HAVE WOOD.

GOOD NIGHT!

**tears**

Now if he had just said that right off the bat, none of this unpleasantness would have taken place. Who cares where he puts his balls when he's not playing golf? Pffft. Is Tzipi hotter than Sarah Palin or is that just me?

I wish I'd read "fixated on a dillhole" on Friday. But finding it on Saturday still makes for a great laugh. I gotta get outta here!

happy friday. palin as well armed milf. :)

I just hope you and Trig aren't being held hostage by Sarah Palin as her sex slaves. I know Trig said you both had "work" but I almost fell for that once, okay, more like 10,000 times!!!

DEAR SARAH PALIN, RELEASE THE BOYS FROM THEIR RESTRAINTS, BUT YOU CAN KEEP IN THE BALL GAGS IF YOU WANT!!!

**wanders off with tears in his eyes**