1. A few minutes ago as I was walking through my kitchen I saw something on the floor which I thought might be one of those little melba toast thingies they put in Chex Party Mix. I tried to pick it up, because I like those thingies, but it turned out to be a gelatinous mass of dog vomit. Yes, dog vomit.
2. Sometimes I eat food off my kitchen floor, though never without first making sure it's not dog vomit.
3. In my first semester of college I wore leg warmers. It couldn't have been for more than a week or so, but to this day I cringe when I think back on how I apparently walked into a store and paid money for those things. The early '80s was a crazy time.
4. Sometimes when I poop, the force of my exertions (I can be quite forceful) causes water to splash up on my butt cheeks. This is especially true of public restrooms, where there is often only a couple of inches between me and ground zero.
5. During its hey-day I never missed an episode of Felicity, the WB network's teeny-bopper drama series about college kids at a slightly fictionalized NYU. In hindsight I tell myself I only watched 'cause it came on after Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 'cause Keri Russell is so hot, but the sordid truth is that I worried constantly about why Julie's mom gave her up for adoption and Meghan's lack of self esteem and whether Felicity would get back together with Ben, who was just no good for her.
6. The toe-nails on my big toes grow three or four times faster than on my other toes. Right now they're so long I could easily eviscerate a goat with one swipe.
7. When I was a teen-ager I drank pee. I didn't think it was pee, I thought it was wine someone had left in a Boone's Farm bottle before throwing it out into a pasture near where I lived. To make it worse, this happened in January on a very cold evening, so the pee was frozen to the consistency of a Slurpee. To make it especially worse, I know who's pee it was. Just telling this story has induced post-traumatic gag reflex.
8. Sometimes, for no good reason, I post mortifying details about my personal life on the World Wide Web.